Son of Mine
by Kat-of-the-Streets
Summary: Pre-Canon and Series 1, AU, no spoilers. Because of a tragic loss, Matthew moves to Downton when he is three years old. How will that change the lives of Robert, Matthew, Cora and Mary? Also a bit of Violet/Patrick.
1. Chapter 1

AN: The idea for this story came to me some time during the summer and I have it all planned out. I am very sorry about killing Isobel off right at the beginning, but this story only makes sense if she is not alive. After all, why would Matthew have spent his entire childhood at Downton if his mother had been alive?

Just to be sure, I actually am quite the Isobel fan and I really, really want her to be happy at the end of the season six (and I think I am rooting for Dr. Clarkson to be the man to make her so, although I also think that Dickie Merton's sons are unbelievable and should not ruin their father's or Isobel's happiness).

This story will be updated once a week. I am planning to always update on Sundays. I wanted to do it on Saturdays first but then I remembered that Countess of Cobert always updates on Saturday (if you haven't read any of her stories, you should start reading them today, especially if you are a Cobert shipper and like surprising turns). I thought that it might make more sense if this story was not updated the same day as 'Love Lost' as I suspect that there are a few people out there who read Countess of Cobert's stories and mine. Then I thought that maybe I shouldn't update on Sundays either as 'the real Downton' is on TV then, but let's be honest, how much Cobert are we going to get with this being the last season and neither Mary nor Edith married so far?

Alright, this is the end of my rambling.

Please tell me what you think of this story (I promise Cora will be introduced in chapter 3).

Happy Downton Day everyone!

Kat

* * *

June 1888-December 1888

 _Robert_

"A cousin of mine has died."

"Oh?" He doesn't really know what to say, only that he has to say something. He hates being at the breakfast table and not talking to his father, it always feels as if they had had fight, even if that was not necessarily true. Ever since Rosamund got married almost two years ago it has always been just him and his father at the breakfast table. His mother always breakfasts in bed and there is no one else. Rosamund used to talk to their father throughout breakfast, about everything and nothing and all he had to do was listen. But now that his sister doesn't live at Downton anymore, he feels as if it was his job to keep his father in a good mood.

"Which cousin?" he asks. His father has a lot of cousins, first cousins, second cousins, third cousins, once removed, twice removed; Robert really has no idea what it all means, only that they have a huge family and that his father as the Earl of Grantham is the head of them all. As he will be one day.

"Reginald Crawley."

"I don't think I've ever heard of him."

"No, maybe not. He is a doctor, living in Manchester." That of course explains it. No one would ever talk about a relative who was a doctor.

"Well, he used to live in Manchester, as he is dead now. And so apparently is his wife. It was a carriage accident. They have a small son, three years old."

"How tragic." He really finds this tragic. The poor boy, losing both his parents in one accident at such a young age. He only hopes the boy's parents were somehow able to provide for him.

"We are asked to provide for him. Not take him in, only pay for his education, possibly support the family that will take him."

"I think we should do that," Robert replies and he sees his father nod. It does not surprise him, the Earl of Grantham is expected to help in such circumstances and his father would never refuse to do what was expected of him. Robert of course would have helped too, but for a different reason. He would have helped because he felt sorry for the boy.

"What's his name?"

"Whose name?" His father looks at him perplexedly.

"The little boy we just talked about."

"Matthew. Matthew Reginald Crawley."

.

For the next two weeks little Matthew Reginald Crawley enters Robert's mind quite frequently. He feels so sorry for the little boy and hopes that he has been given into a good family. But when they don't hear anything about Matthew at all for the following three months, Robert supposes that the boy is doing well and puts him out of his mind. The child is after all only three years old, he has never met him, probably will never meet him and in any case, Matthew is just a very distant relative the family is helping because they are obliged to help. So he puts Matthew out of his mind and thoughts. That is until another letter arrives and this time his father reads it out to him

.

Dear Lord Grantham,

We are addressing you concerning a rather unpleasant matter. However, do not be alarmed, this letter is intended only to inform you of some proceedings regarding the orphan Matthew Reginald Crawley whom you are kindly supporting. The child has proven to be rather difficult, in fact too difficult to stay with his current family, the family of his mother's cousin. Fortunately, another relative of his mother's has offered to take him in, in the hopes of changing his behavior and bringing him onto the right path. The new family would greatly appreciate it if you continued to support the boy.

Yours sincerely,

Edward Watkins

.

"Well, I suppose it does not really matter to us where he lives."

"So you will continue to support him?" Robert wonders why he cares so much about this boy he has never met, but maybe it is because he himself is now an adult and this is the first time that the family is asked for help with him being an adult. Of course his father has done so before, but then Robert had been a boy and did not really grasp what 'supporting' meant in this case.

"Yes, it is what we are supposed to do. It is what is expected of us." 'What is expected of us', a sentence that has been Robert's companion all his life. He sometimes feels as if all he ever did was done because it was expected of him. He is unsure whether he likes or despises this, it gives his life a structure but he is not sure whether it also gives his life a purpose. But this is not something to be discussed with his father, so he merely nods.

.

Again they don't hear anything about little Matthew Crawley for several months and Robert had almost forgotten about him when one day during an almost lonely dinner with just his parents his father brings Matthew up again.

.

"Matthew Crawley, the son of my cousin who died in Manchester, turns out to be rather bothersome." Robert's mother looks up at this, surprise written on her face.

"Who is Matthew Crawley?" Robert is not surprised by his father obviously not having told his mother about the little boy the family is supporting. The Earl of Grantham treats this as a matter of business and business is nothing the Countess of Grantham should not be bothered with. Robert is not sure whether his father wouldn't do well to sometimes involve his mother a little more. Violet Crawley is a very intelligent woman after all and for Robert it is much easier to look up to his mother than to his father. His mother, just as his father, is a creature of duty, but she at least has a heart that does not only exist for the purpose of pumping blood, even if she continually tries to hide the fact that she has feelings.

"A distant relative we are supporting because it is what is expected of us."

"And why is he bothersome? Supporting a distant relative cannot be very expensive. We won't have to spend a tenth of what we spent on Rosamund's clothes on him." Robert wants to laugh but his father looks pointedly bored at his mother's comment and so he holds back. He sometimes thinks that his parents pretend to be more disinterest in each other than is good even for them. Their marriage of course is one of convenience, just as his will be, he is sure. Rosamund is the only person he knows who got married for love and he admires her greatly for it. But he knows that he can never follow her example, she is the daughter of an Earl, he is the only son of an Earl, there is quite a difference between the lives that have been mapped out for them.

"We've been asked to take the boy in. He seems to be a lot of trouble. So much trouble that his mother's relatives think that it would be best if he lived in a household with a nanny for a time." Robert sees his mother raise an eyebrow at this and her face contorts.

"We don't have a nanny," she remarks and his father replies "Even though God knows we could use one because some of the servants behave like children."

"That is because some of the servants are children," his mother shoots back. The age of the servants they employ is one of the many things his parents fight about, his father thinks his mother should not bother about and that Robert thinks his father should listen to his mother about. His father employs children as young as ten, his mother thinks they should be at least twelve and have a little more than just a rudimentary education. She always argues that while servants certainly need not and should not attend Oxford or Cambridge, they should at least be able to read and write and do a bit of calculating, just to be able to 'do their job properly', as she likes to say.

"We could employ a nanny," Robert says to his own astonishment.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 December 1888-April1889

AN at the end of the chapter this time.

Happy Downton Day!

Kat

* * *

 _Patrick_

"It is either that or the orphanage for Matthew," Robert says to him.

"How do you know so much about it?"

"I made a few inquiries," he replies.

"Why?"

His son looks at him as if he didn't know the answer himself.

"It's our duty to care for Matthew, isn't it?"

Robert is right, but their duty does not go as far as taking the boy into their home. They should not have their lives disrupted because of a three year old who can't control himself and doesn't listen to the nanny. They had 20 years of that before Rosamund was finally taken off their hands. Marmaduke is not what or who he dreamed of as a husband for his daughter, but at least he takes care of her and seems to be able to manage her. He once voiced these thoughts to Violet who almost ripped head of saying something like it. But then Violet can become rather protective and emotional when it comes to Rosamund and Robert, a character trait she likes to hide but one that he respects very much. Just like him she loves their children and in his eyes that has made their marriage much easier. He stopped thinking of her as a stranger after Rosamund had been born.

"Robert," he sighs. He sometimes wonders why the boy has such a soft side, but it doesn't matter as in all other aspects he is the perfect son who has always done his duty to the family and the estate. A 20 year old boy who will soon have to do his duty again. But there is a time and a place for everything and Patrick knows that this is neither the time nor the place. "It is our duty to financially support him to some extent. Yes. But we certainly do not have to allow him to live with us. He would disrupt our lives."

"He might make them more interesting," Robert says with a cheeky smile. Robert is quite good at dealing with small children, Patrick knows this. That is one of the reasons he always takes his son along when he has to talk to a tenant who has a child younger than twelve. Robert always impresses those children, talks to them as if they were his equals and he knows how to make the younger ones squeal with laughter. It makes dealing with the parents much easier but it also strengthens the loyalty these children will feel towards the Granthams once they become the tenants themselves.

"Papa, he is our cousin, if only a distant one. Should we not at least give him the chance to have a good life? Who knows what that might be good for in the end. He may turn out to be useful to the family." He wants to reply that he has no idea how three –or maybe now four- year old Matthew Crawley could ever be helpful to the family but then he remembers his last discussion with the land agent. Maybe Matthew could be trained up to become their land agent one day. If he spent part of his youth – certainly not all of it – at Downton and knew the family, maybe he would be loyal, listen to him and when the time comes, more importantly to Robert. So, on a whim he decides to give in to Robert just this once.

"All right. I'll write back to those relatives who want to get rid of him and tell them he can come here. And you go and tell your mother to start advertising for a nanny."

He dearly hopes that Violet will be able to find a capable nanny soon and remember to tell that nanny that Matthew was just a charge and nothing more. Not a child to be presented to them after tea. He certainly does not need to see the boy an hour every day. He enjoyed it when Robert and Rosamund were younger, they were entertaining enough for an hour or two and he truly loves them, has always loved them. But this Matthew should not be given the impression that he was entitled to anything.

 _._

 _Robert_

"Your lordship, I know that Master Matthew is only here because he would have to go to an orphanage or a school otherwise, but if that boy does not learn how to listen now, I will look for another position."

"We employ you to raise the boy. You are responsible for him listening to you. If you are not able to make him listen to you, I suggest you really look for another position." After the nanny has left, his father looks at him.

"That is the third nanny. This boy is far more trouble than he it is worth." His father looks at him accusingly and he knows that both his parents think that it is his fault. It was him after all who wanted to take Matthew in. Maybe he should actually spend some time with the boy. He has passed him in the hallway a few times and found him cute. This morning the boy waved at him and he waved back. Maybe that would be a good starting point.

So he goes to the nursery after tea, telling his parents that he wants to avoid another nanny failure and not really believing it himself. He wants to finally meet the boy that has been staying with them for weeks now.

He meets him a little earlier than expected when Matthew quite literally runs into him at the top of the stairs, the nanny in pursuit. He gathers from all the screaming that Matthew must have been kicking against something and when the nanny threatened him with a thrashing, the boy ran away. He is now holding Matthew on his collar and the boy keeps kicking him so hard that he is afraid of falling down the stairs. So he just picks the boy up, something that surprises Matthew so much that he immediately stops kicking and screaming. He looks at the nanny who seems to be in great distress and remembering what the nanny said earlier that day he dismisses her for a few hours. He'd rather take care of Matthew himself until the dressing gong than listen to his parents bickering about a new nanny for days. Only when the nanny has left does he realize that he has no idea what to do with a three year old boy. He can't for the life of him remember what his own father did with him when he was three. If he is honest about it, he thinks the answer is probably 'nothing' and the only thing he remembers the nanny did at that time was punish Rosamund and him for either fighting each other or trying to run away together.

He nearly thanks God when his dog Knight walks around the corner, tail wagging, and Matthew seems to be interested in him. So he takes the boy and his dog outside, only to go back inside again right away because he realizes that it is probably too cold for the boy to be outside without a jacket. As he has no idea where in the nursery he might find Matthew clothes, he isn't even sure the clothes are in the nursery, he takes Matthew to his dressing room, looks for the shortest coat he owns and puts it on Matthew. Half of it is dragging across the floor but he doesn't mind, it is not a coat he particularly likes. And his valet Carson will understand. He has always had the feeling that Carson liked small children.

He thinks that Matthew looks quite cute in the coat and the pride smile on the little boy's face makes him smile back. He then takes a walk with Matthew and the dog and although the boy does not say much he does not seem as misbehaved as Robert would have expected. As the nanny does not complain for the rest of the day, Robert supposes that his walk with Matthew may have helped matters. When he crosses Matthew in the entrance hall on his way to the library for tea the next day, the boy smiles at him and asks for another walk and Robert agrees, asking the nanny to provide Matthew with a fitting coat though.

Over the next few afternoons taking Matthew on a walk becomes a daily habit for Robert and he begins to enjoy it. The boy seems to be rather intelligent as far as that can be said about a four year old and he keeps telling Robert made up stories about kings and queens living in Manchester.

.

"Your ladyship, that boy is not improving. If things don't change during the next week I will hand in my notice. And I do not care if you refuse to give me a character." Robert is rather surprised by this outburst on the nanny's part. He thought that things with Matthew were going rather well. The boy never misbehaves on their walks. True, he jumps into a puddle now and then and is sometimes a little too rambunctious with the dog, but then Knight is an old dog who does not seem to mind having his tail pulled now and then.

"Thank you nanny," his mother says and the nanny feels dismissed.

His father then looks at him and his mother and says "

If nanny leaves, Matthew will leave too. We are not looking for another nanny. If that boy cannot learn how to conduct himself, we cannot help him."

"The boy is four and lost both his parents the same day," Robert says. His mother rounds on him and says "Well, I hope you would have behaved differently had that happened to you." He is about to retort that he very likely would not have gone to pieces because his parents only ever spend an hour a day with him but he bites his tongue. This is neither the time nor the place to argue about something like this. His parents will learn soon enough that he has decided that he would spend more time with his children, it is not a fight to be fought now, it is not a fight at all, it is his decision.

And then he decides not to wait until he has his own children to visit them in the morning and bring them to bed in the evening. There is a boy at Downton who could probably use someone taking care of him like that and so he says "I don't want Matthew to leave. Regardless of what the nanny does. I'll take care of finding a new nanny if you don't want to do it."

"What do you know about raising children?" He only shakes his head at his mother's comment. "We cannot allow that," she says and looks at his father pointedly. "It is not his decision to make. He is not the Earl of Grantham."

"No, he is not," his father replies and then looks at him. "Robert, if you promise to take full responsibility for that boy, he can stay here. But as soon as things are getting out of hand, Matthew will have to leave. Keep in mind that taking care of a child is not as easy as taking care of a dog." He wonders why his father, who often preferred spending time with a dog to spending time with his children, would say something like this, but again, he bites his tongue. Somehow he thinks that fighting about child rearing with his parents now seems to be wrong. Matthew is not his son, he is just a charge and he will fight those fights for his own children.

.

"Robert?" He looks at Matthew and smiles. He allowed the boy to call him by his first name the day that he told his parents that he would take full responsibility for Matthew. 'Lord Downton' seemed too much for a little boy. He will eventually have to tell Matthew to call him Lord Downton, or even Lord Grantham, but that can wait until Matthew enters school.

"Yes, Matthew?"

"I am in trouble with nanny." Robert knows this of course, Matthew kicked the door that morning and wouldn't stop screaming. The nanny has again threatened to hand in her notice although she has now done this so often that he does not take her seriously anymore.

"What did you do?"

"Kicked the door," Matthew mumbles, looks at the ground and breaks the thin branch he is holding into seemingly a hundred pieces.

"And?" Robert prompts him.

"And I screamed. And didn't listen to nanny. I should get a thrashing." While he thinks that that is exactly what Matthew deserves, he still thinks that it might be more important to get to the root of the problem.

"Why did you scream?"

"I don't know," Matthew says and throws the remains of the branch to the ground.

"Really?"

"I miss my parents. Mother and father. They died."

"I know that and I am very sorry about it," Robert says and Matthew looks up at him perplexedly.

"You know that my parents are dead?" Robert wonders how the boy could think that he did not know that but then realizes that on all their walks, he has never asked Matthew once how he felt or whether he missed his parents.

"Yes, I know. And as I said, I am very sorry. You must be lonely and sad."

"Very sad," Matthew says and bows his head. "My father always read to me before I went to bed. No one reads to me here."

"I am sorry".

"Are you sorry about everything?" Matthew asks in a way that should earn him a night without dinner.

"No."

"Then why do you sound like a parrot?" He wants to tell the boy to go his room and to bed and that he won't have dinner. But then he realizes that he probably does sound like a parrot and that it probably is not only he who continually says 'I am sorry', to Matthew. So he decides to let it go and says "I am sorry" and wants to bite off his tongue right afterwards. Matthew gets up and runs away, towards the nanny who has been waiting for them for a few minutes now.

"It isn't easy," he hears someone say and when he looks up he sees his mother standing next to him.

"No."

His mother sighs once and then says to him "Robert, don't get too close to the boy. Don't become attached to him. Don't forget that he nothing more than a distant relative."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you are much nicer than the rest of us. Too nice. And too emotional. I," here she stops, looks into the distance and swallows once. "I am afraid that you will get hurt." Then she turns around and leaves.

"Too emotional," Robert mumbles as he watches his mother walk away.

.

Later that day, before he goes down to dinner, Robert goes to the nursery to say goodnight to Matthew. The boy is already in bed and as soon as Matthew sees him, he turns towards the wall and puts a blanket over his head. Robert picks up the book on Matthew's nightstand and begins to read. Eventually Matthew turns around, looks at him and then climbs onto his lap. Robert holds onto Matthew who then puts his head on Robert's shoulder and eventually falls asleep. When Robert looks up he sees his mother standing in the doorway, looking something between outraged and touched. He opens his mouth to say something but she shakes her head and indicates to him to put Matthew to bed first. Once he closes the door his mother indicates for him to walk with her and again, she stares into the distance and swallows before she begins to speak.

..

 _Violet_

She has to swallow before talking to Robert. She tried to look outraged when she found Robert in the nursery with Matthew asleep on his lap, but she doubts that it worked. There is a small smile playing around Robert's lips and her son wouldn't smile if he knew he was in trouble with her. Twenty years old he may be but he also is still slightly afraid of his parents. As he should be. She now has to tell him again that he should not become very close to Matthew, against her own better judgment.

She had always wanted to be close to her children, but a Countess simply just does not raise her children. She sees them for an hour every day after tea. If she is home. She once tried talk to her husband about it, tried to convince to take Robert and Rosamund along to London during the season, but he told her to not make a fuss and to remember her position in society. And of course she remembered and told herself that she did not miss her children terribly. What made it worse was that she knew that Patrick missed them too. There may never have been any kind of love between her and Patrick, but he never gave her any reason to doubt his affection for their children. After Rosamund's birth she had been sure that Patrick would not care about her because she was a girl. If she was lucky he would not blame her. But three weeks after the birth when she had finally been allowed to have tea in the library again, she saw how the nurse put Rosamund into Patrick's arms and how his eyes lit up. From that moment on she began to feel some affection for her husband for loving their daughter and later on their longed for son just as much as she did. She had, for a very short time, hoped that it would turn into real love but of course it didn't. She still considers herself among the lucky ones, Patrick has never mistreated her, not once and he is usually kind to her. They fight, often even, but in the end, Patrick is a nice and kind a man. A man she would very much like to have as her friend but because of what ties them together that has never really been possible.

She had always hoped that her children would be able to marry someone they loved and for Rosamund that was possible although Violet wishes that Rosamund would have fallen in love with someone else. The son of a banker is not exactly a good match for the daughter of an earl, but at least the Painswicks are rich. Maybe Robert could fall in love with someone rich. But who would ever accept him, let alone fall in love with him if Matthew was part of the bargain? And they don't have time to wait Robert to fall in love in any case.

"Robert, I wonder whether we should send you to the doctor."

"Why?" Robert asks and turns to her.

"Because there seems to be something wrong with your ears. You obviously did not hear me say that you should not become attached to Matthew." She is proud of herself. She hid her emotions and thoughts and was witty at the same time. So she laughs about her own joke.

"Mama, why do you keep telling me that I shouldn't become attached to Matthew? I only read to him," Robert says defiantly.

"Because I saw the look in your eyes. You look at Matthew almost the same way your father looks at you. And because we cannot afford you to burden yourself with an adoptive son."

"What?" Robert asks in actual confusion?

"You will see. Your father will explain it all after dinner."

.

Robert and Patrick stay behind in the dining room after dinner for what feels like a century to her. She supposes that Patrick tries to break the news to Robert as gently as possible whereas she would have just told him that he had to get married to save the estate.

When they both enter the drawing room, for a brief moment she feels as if she had been pushed of a cliff and was falling. Robert looks as if he had aged at least ten years within the last hour, he has lost everything that was still boyish about him, his slightly slacking posture, the slightly cheeky look on his face and Patrick looks like an older, a much older broken version of Robert. All Robert does is kiss her on the cheek and say goodnight and then he leaves. She can't fault him for it, he probably has a lot to think about.

Patrick stands with his back to her, one hand on the mantelpiece, staring into the fire.

"He is very disappointed in me," he says without looking up or turning around and quite unable to hide that he is about to cry.

"It is the job of a parent to disappoint a child sometimes," she says.

"Not like this. You should have seen the look on his face. He asked me which mistakes I made and I told him not to bother and do you know what he said? That he needed to know because he did not want to repeat my mistakes. At least not all of them because he would already have to repeat the mistake of a marriage of convenience. Only that he would have to marry a dollar princess instead of the daughter of an English lord." She is glad that she did not have to hear Robert say those words. She gets up, walks towards her husband, stands next to him, puts a hand on his shoulder and says "But he does understand. You have taught him well and he understands. He will do as we ask."

"Of course he will. He is a good and dutiful son. We are very lucky to have him," Patrick says without turning towards her.

"Yes, we are," she says, takes her hand of Patrick's shoulder and makes to leave. Patrick grabs her hand and without looking at her he says "Thank you. For your words and for not being embarrassed by me."

She swallows once, says "you are welcome," squeezes her husband's hand, slowly lets her hand slip from his and then leaves the room without turning around.

.

 _Robert_

When he hears the knock on the door he wants to shout 'go away' first but then realizes that the knock was too soft for either one of his parents and when he opens the door, he finds Matthew on the other side of it, holding a teddy bear and looking tired and scared.

"Can I sleep here tonight?" the little boy asks without preamble and because it is cold in the hallway and Matthew obviously walked all the way from the nursery to this room barefoot, he lets him in and allows him to sit on his bed.

"Why don't you want to sleep in the nursery?" he asks and Matthew looks at the floor.

"Because I dream about my parents dying and that I am alone."

"Matthew," he sighs and doesn't know how to go on. But Matthew goes on for him.

"But I am not alone anymore. You are there for me, aren't you?" 'Don't become attached to Matthew', 'the boy cannot be part of your life. It will make finding a wife more difficult', he hears his parents' voices. And because he is so disappointed in them, because he wants to defy them and quite possibly because Matthew has stolen his heart, he says "Yes. I am there for you."

Matthew face breaks into a beautiful smile, maybe it is the first smile he has ever seen on the boy's face and then asks with the innocence that only a very young child can have

"So are you my new father? Can I call you Papa? Like you call your father?" He thinks that this goes too far, far too far, he cannot be Matthew's father, he has no idea how to be a father, his own father has proven tonight that he was not a very good father.

"Please?" Matthew asks and then he realizes that it won't be possible to explain to Matthew why he cannot be his father and that Matthew would probably feel left alone all over again. So he says

"Yes. But let's keep it a secret for a while."

"I like secrets," Matthew says and then lies down on his bed. Because he has no other choice he joins the boy who immediately takes his hand.

"Will you take me with you when you go to London?" Matthew asks in a sleepy voice and to defy his parents Robert says "Yes". His parents are probably right, having Matthew there with him and call him 'Papa' will probably make it more difficult to find a wife. But then again, all his future wife needs to be is rich. The moment his father told him that he would have to marry an American dollar princess he gave up all thoughts of love. So the woman he marries might just as well be ten years older than him, unkind and ugly. Because there is no way in the world that he, Robert Crawley, Viscount Downton, future Earl of Grantham could ever fall in love with an American dollar princess.

* * *

AN: This is probably the longest chapter of the story and I hope it I didn't bore you with it. I thought about dividing it into two chapters, but then I didn't want to spend too much time on the development of the relationship between Robert and Matthew. I hope that is alright.

Please let me know what you think!

Kat


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Thank you so much for the many reviews on the last chapter, they really mean a lot to me!

I hope you like this chapter, as promised before, Cora is introduced in this chapter. Please let me know what you think.

Happy Downton Day!

Kat

* * *

April 1889 to June 1889

.

 _Patrick_

"Papa, look. Papa look!"

"Hello parrot," Robert says, gets up, lifts Matthew off the floor and swings him around more than just once. In the drawing room. He can see in Violet's face that she fears for all the vases around them. He wonders if he should tell Robert to at least be less rambunctious with Matthew if he can't distance himself from the boy or stop calling him 'parrot'. Admittedly Robert only does so sometimes and Matthew does sound like parrot, saying almost everything twice. The boy now shows Robert a drawing and without being asked explains what is on it.

"That is you and that is me. And there are mother and father in heaven. They cry because they are dead and they laugh because they are happy."

"Why are they happy?" Robert asks, sounding far too interested.

"Because I am not alone anymore." Robert smiles at the boy, showing how happy that comment just made him and Patrick wishes not to believe what he sees. He had hoped that Robert would have learnt how to hide his feelings, that he had understood why it was so crucial to not show more than a polite interest in the boy. But no, his son is too nice to comply.

Patrick understands Matthew's appeal to Robert, the boy is cute and a little rascal, so in many ways he is like Robert was as a child. Just like Robert, Matthew likes to spend time in the kitchen and, again just like Robert, he became a favorite with the staff within a day.

"Robert, come to my sitting room before dinner."

He looks at Violet questioningly and she nods. They talked about how one of them needed to set Robert's head straight. He suggested she do it as Robert has a tendency to listen more to his mother than to his father, something that would hurt him quite a lot if it wasn't the other way around with Rosamund. He has always been his little princess' favorite and he is glad that for once they do not have to attend a ball but can enjoy a family dinner with only Robert, Rosamund and Marmaduke.

When Rosamund began talking about Marmaduke, Patrick pretended to be disgusted by the fact that his daughter wanted to marry the son of a banker, but the fact was that the Painswicks were rich and that Marmaduke seemed to truly care for Rosamund. How deeply Maramduke cares for Rosamund became obvious just about half a year ago when Rosamund was told by a doctor that she would never have a child. In one of their very few private moments, Violet had told him that Rosamund had miscarried four times within two and a half years. He had felt very sorry for his little princess but of course he couldn't talk to her about it. But he did talk about it to Marmaduke, who swore that he would not love Rosamund any less because of it. As far as Patrick can judge, that seems to be true. Marmaduke showers Rosamund with presents, sometimes it is expensive jewelry and sometimes it is a bunch of her favorite flowers.

Patrick now wonders if this evening will be as peaceful as he had hoped with Robert likely being in a bad mood, but then he decides not to let that get him down. If the boy goes on his nerves he will send him on some sort of unnecessary errant. Or maybe Rosamund could try to talk some sense into Robert as well, those two have always been as thick as thieves and it had been Robert's approval of Marmaduke more than anything that had made Patrick able to give his little princess away.

.

 _Robert_

He knows what is coming and he is afraid that his mother is right. His mother will tell him that he has to send Matthew back to Downton because he is the reason that so far all potential brides have turned away from him.

"Sit down," his mother says and looks at him sternly. "I want you to send Matthew away. Today or tomorrow."

"Mama, I can't. Not that quickly." He is afraid that Matthew might feel abandoned again if he is send away within the space of a day or two.

"Then in three days' time." He wants to say something, wants to object but his mother goes on. "Robert, I understand that you don't want to leave the boy alone. But you are spending too much time with him. You have to concentrate on finding the right wife now." Right meaning rich enough he thinks but does not say anything.

.

 _Violet_

"So, did he agree?" She looks at Patrick and doesn't know what to answer.

"I am not sure."

"I thought you talked to him." She can't help but notice the accusatory tone in Patrick's voice. Patrick has always been a little jealous of her ability to talk to Robert. She thinks this is unjustified as Rosamund is much closer to him than to her, but then she thinks that Robert is more important to Patrick. Of course he is, he is the next Earl of Grantham, his father's successor, the one to continue the line.

"Yes. But he only said that he couldn't send Matthew away within a few days."

"Why?"  
"Because he probably thinks that Matthew would feel abandoned again. And he might be right."

"Even so, how can that boy be more important to Robert than the estate?"

"Because Downton is in Robert's blood but Matthew in his heart."

"Oh, don't talk such nonsense," Patrick replies and looks at her challengingly.

"Wouldn't you say the same about Robert?"

"No. I would not. Robert is my son. My duty, just as his, is to the estate. And that means that I have to put the estate first."

"Do you?" she asks without expecting an answer. She is quite sure that if there ever was a decision to make between Robert and the estate, Patrick would always pick Robert. Just as she would. They are condemning him to a marriage of convenience to save the estate, but as they both know from experience, the house is big enough to not have to meet one's spouse for the whole day except for luncheon, tea and dinner. And there isn't always the need to talk to each other. One can always invite guests. There are of course the nightly visits, but they need hardly take longer than ten minutes and there is no need to talk. And as soon as an heir and if possible a spare have been produced, those visits can be regarded as a thing of the past. Of course there won't be any passion in Robert's life, but passion is just not part of the life of an earl and a countess.

"Violet, we have to do something. If this goes on, Robert will not even have had the chance to propose marriage at the end of the season, let alone have done so successfully. And he may need more than one try. You know how he fumbles and stumbles over his words when he has to do something that makes him feel uncomfortable."

"Whereas that never happens to you."

"Violet!" Patrick says warningly. It did happen to him. Twice. Once when he proposed marriage to her, and the second time when he tried to tell her that he was glad that she had not run off with that Russian prince. Of course he had been happy because it had saved him from scandal, but something she did, or rather did not do, had made him happy.

"We will have to trick him to send the boy back," she says.

"And I am sure you already have an ingenious idea considering how to do this."

"You know me well."

"I've been married to you for 25 years," Patrick replies and for a very short moment they look into each other's eyes. Violet knows she needs to go on now. She has the feeling that there might be a talk between Patrick and her coming that will make her very uncomfortable and she wants to avoid it at all costs.

"We will offer Robert a deal. If one more woman is chased away by Matthew, the boy will be send back to Downton."

"And you already have the perfect woman for that in mind."

"Yes. She is rich, she could save the estate, but her family is new money, even by American standards. They aren't from the first circles in New York. They are Jewish. Or at least the father is. The mother is a horrible gossip, I am sure she will tell her daughter all about Matthew, even if Robert doesn't."

"So the daughter will walk away, which is ultimately what we want her to do."

"Yes."

"So who is this poor woman that you are going to use as a scapegoat?"

"Cora Levinson."

.

 _Cora_

"Mother please, I have had it. Stop interfering. If you hadn't gotten involved, the Baron probably would have proposed."

"We don't want a Baron for you."

Of course her parents don't want that. It needs to be a future earl at least. And she understands that. Her family is not part of the first circle in New York, they weren't even in Cincinnati. A daughter who would in time become a countess would solve that problem and her father has worked so hard to give them the life they are leading now. He deserves his wish of belonging to the first circles to come true. It isn't as if Cora didn't want to marry an English lord. A marriage of convenience has been in store for her for years and it really doesn't matter to her if it is an American or an English man she has to be with for the rest of her life. It is not as if she would really have to spend much time with her husband, they will live in a huge house, will only see each other for luncheon and dinner and the nightly visits only need to go on until she has produced and heir and a spare. That should not be much of a problem. Considering that Harold talks about 'marital duties' as being terrific fun, she is not too worried about it. She has to smile to herself because Harold isn't married of course and if their parents knew that he was not only a playboy but also telling his sister quite a lot about his conquests, her poor brother would be in the soup. And she possibly with him because her mother would have expected her to tell on Harold. But of course she doesn't tell anyone, she enjoys her brother's confidence and it isn't as if he was telling her about what exactly he does with his girlfriends, he just tells that he is doing something with them and it has taken her fear of marital duties away.

"Well, there is Viscount Downton. He'll be an earl eventually," Cora says. She's heard quite a lot about the Viscount Downton and he seems like a decent man.

"Viscount Downton? Cora, you can't be serious." Her mother sounds almost shocked although nothing could ever really shock her.

"I am. And why shouldn't I be?"

"Because that man has a love child."

"Many men have love children."

"Yes. But none of them let the child live with them."

"How can a woman ever know if her husband does not have a love child? Unless a man and a woman are truly and deeply in love, they cannot be sure that the other one does not have an affair." This is not the real reason why Lord Downton's love child does not put her off, at least not right away. But she does not want to talk to her mother about the real reason she doesn't mind. Her mother would not understand and she does not care to have another fight with her mother. They have been fighting constantly ever since the day that her parents told her to marry into the English aristocracy. Her mother has her own ideas of how to accomplish this and Cora feels that her mother's idea of how to convince an English lord to marry her are not very good.

"Cora, you are supposed to marry an English lord to help us be accepted into the first circles. That will be impossible if you marry a man who openly lets his love child live with him. It will seem like a failure."

"Why don't you tell your first circle friends that that child is some sort of distant relative? Or better yet, not mention the child at all?"

"Because everyone Cora, EVERYONE will know about this. Don't you think our friends and those we want to be our friends will start to dig deeper if it becomes public that you are to marry an English lord?"

"Then maybe those people shouldn't be your friends."

"Cora, that is not the point. Or maybe, it is exactly the point. We are giving our daughter and our money away to make those people our friends."

She decides not to let the argument go on, because on several levels, her mother his right. If she wants her family to move up through the social circles, then she has to do what is necessary. And she wants to just that. She wants to have an adventure and this seems the only way to have one. At least to have one without her mother constantly bothering her because her mother will go back to America eventually.

"Mother, you think that I can't do it on my own and you think that Lord Downton is unsuitable. Why not let me try it my way with him then? It won't matter if he is put off if you don't want me to marry him anyway."

"And what if he proposes?"

"I thought you think that impossible."

"Cora!"

"Then it will show all the others that I am worth to have a look at. Love child or not, the Viscount Downton is a future earl."

"With a large house and on the hunt for money to support it."

"Exactly what we need. I can always pretend not to have known about the child until the proposal."

"He won't propose if you don't let me help."

"Then let me have it my way. Look at it as an opportunity for you to show me that I need your help."

"I will not tell your father about this." With that her mother leaves the room and Cora smiles to herself. She thinks that if the Viscount Downton were to propose to her, she would in all likelihood accept him, but that, as they say, is a bridge she needs to cross when she comes to it.

 _Robert_

His mother has been telling him about a woman named Cora Levinson for days now and he has done his own research. In fact, Carson did the research for him, but the results remain the same. His parents are trying to teach him a lesson. He can't fathom that his parents truly want him to marry Ms. Levinson. Her family's money is new even by American standards and the family does not belong to the first circles in New York, which Robert knows is a requirement for both his parents. Their plan is to have Ms. Levinson refuse him because of Matthew and then his parents will tell him that not even 'second quality Americans' are ready to accept Matthew and that thus the boy needs to go. He said as much to Rosamund who then asked

"And what will you do if this Ms. Levinson accepts should you ever propose?"

He told his sister that it would not come to that, but that if it did he would be defying their parents.

"You will also tie yourself to a woman of low birth and quite possibly no manners then," his sister replied. He loves his sister dearly and so he kissed her on the forehead for that comment but the fact that Ms. Levinson is not from the first circles, that her father made most of his money when she had already been born makes Robert think that maybe this Ms. Levinson might be a nice break from all those stuck up, snobbish beyond believe American dollar princesses who are from the first circles. Maybe Ms. Levinson will be a little more down to earth, a quality he would not mind at all in a wife.

So when Rosamund points Ms. Levinson out to him once the dancing starts at their next ball and he sees that she is not only young but also beautiful, he walks up to her with a lot less trepidation than he thought he would feel upon approaching a 'second class American' as his mother would say.

Ms. Levinson has her back turned to him when he approaches but she seems to sense him and when she turns around she smiles at him encouragingly.

"Ms. Levinson, may I have this dance?" he asks without introducing himself or them being introduced by someone else. She does not seem to question why or how he knows her name.

"Yes Lord Downton, you may," she replies, and he does not question why or how she knows his name either. Instead he takes her by the hand and leads her onto the dance floor.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Sorry for updating so late, but I went on a spontaneous weekend vacation.

Thank you so much for all the reviews and please let me know what you think about this chapter!

Have a great week everyone,

Kat

* * *

July 1889

 _Cora_

"Cora, what the devil are you smiling about?"

"Nothing," she replies and her mother doesn't inquire any further, something that Cora is rather glad about. Because if her mother knew what she was smiling about, she'd be in a right state. But she just can't forget the memory of Robert trying to climb a fence to get entrance into one of the small little gardens in London and falling off that fence, right onto his behind. The look on his face had been priceless and just for that she is more than happy that they managed to slip their chaperon. Although said chaperon had been Lady Rosamund Painswick, Robert's sister and Cora isn't sure how interested Lady Rosamund actually was in chaperoning.

It had been such a nice afternoon, she had found out that Robert was very easy to talk to during their first dance and that impression only manifested itself afterwards. He seems traditional in many ways but not in all of them, he is politically interested and doesn't mind her interest, in fact he even seemed to care about her thoughts. And although he admitted that he knew next to nothing about paintings, he still suggested they meet at the gallery the following day and even joked that maybe she could teach him something he could then use to impress other ladies. She had laughed about it but halfway through the laughter had become stuck in her throat when she realized that she wasn't too keen on Robert impressing other ladies. She had said as much and felt like the stereotypical blunt American right afterwards. But Robert had smiled at that and said

"Well, if that is how it is, then maybe you should start calling me Robert." He had looked surprised at his own forwardness but she smiled at him and he smiled back. He gently brushed her cheek with one gloved hand afterwards and had almost made her swoon. But she keeps telling herself that he has not yet mentioned the lovechild and that is what she is waiting for, that will determine how their acquaintance will go on. She understands why he has not yet said anything, he is probably afraid of chasing her away, but she thinks that he should do so soon, otherwise he would seem like a pretender to her, like someone who does not necessarily lie but also does not always say the complete truth.

.

 _Rosamund_

"So how was it?"

"How was what?" Marmaduke looks at her incredulously.

"It was nice. I think he finally may have found what he is looking for."

"I thought your parents only wanted to teach him a lesson."

"Yes," she replies and then hesitates for a moment. She is not quite sure whether she should tell Marmaduke what she really thinks. He and her father get along well, but he would probably not stab her or Robert in the back. "But it is not what I want for him. I know he has to marry for money. But Ms. Levinson has enough of it, we know that and Robert likes her. Of course there is no love, not yet. But it could come for them, I think. He even suggested going to the National Gallery with her, something he has never offered to anyone before and something I have begged him to do with me for years now."

"And you don't think that he is trying to teach your parents a lesson? Because he found out what their plan is?"

"I think that might be part of the reason. But he also genuinely likes Ms. Levinson. I'll see how the visit to the National Gallery goes and then I'll talk to him. I only hope that he does not keep quiet about Matthew too long. There are rumors that Matthew is Robert's lovechild and if she has heard those rumors and Robert does not contradict them, then the whole thing might be heading for the drain."

"But isn't that what your parents want?"

"Yes. But it isn't what I want and I very much doubt that it is what Robert wants." Marmaduke smiles at her.

"What is it that you want?"

"I wish that Robert could marry for love. Of course it won't be easy and maybe Ms. Levinson is not enough for that, but I know that they could be content with one another at the very least. And who knows what will happen, sometimes love develops over time."

"Why do you care so much about whom Robert marries and why?"

"Because he is my brother and very dear to me. I didn't grow up with parents taking care of me. I don't doubt that my parents love me but they were never really there. They are an earl and a countess, they were not supposed to care about their children and heaven forbid they'd do something they are not supposed to do. But Robert was there. We often fought but we also tried to run away together. And once we got older, he always listened to me. Mama and Papa never cared about my opinions but Robert did. I sometimes needed to tell him to care but he always did care in the end. And he was always supportive of us. He told Papa that he approved of you and that is why my father let you marry me."

"Thank god for your brother then," Marmaduke says, takes her hand and pulls her onto his lap. "You are a very good sister."

"Maybe you should tell Robert that," she says half laughingly. In fact she does thank God for Robert from time to time. He is the perfect brother and the best present her parents ever gave to her. Although he would probably hit her on the nose for thinking about him as a present.

When Robert comes to her house the next day to pick her up to chaperone him and Cora at the National Gallery, she can see how excited he is. He smiles the way he used to on Christmas mornings and he is almost bouncing on his feet. She wants to comment on it but then decides not to because she does not want to put him into a bad mood. Robert and a bad mood are not a good combination for anyone somewhere in his vicinity. So she only smiles at him and says "Shall we leaven then?"

She had planned to let Robert and Cora out of her sight eventually but she realizes that that might be rather difficult to accomplish when she sees that Cora is being accompanied by her mother. Rosamund does not like Mrs. Levinson and an afternoon spend in her company is not a very nice prospect, but then she looks at Robert and sees how he smiles at Cora and how she smiles back a true smile. And because a true smile is rarely seen during the London season, especially not by women on the hunt for a husband, she accepts her fate of spending an afternoon trying to pry Mrs. Levinson's attention away from Robert and Ms. Levinson gracefully. It takes her about an hour of asking questions about New York and when Mrs. Levinson begins to gossip about her friends or more likely people she wants to be her friends, she takes an Elizabeth Bennet like approach and listens to her with amusement.

Robert throws one questioning look at her and she nods almost imperceptibly. The last thing she sees is Robert leading Ms. Levinson towards the exit of the museum without either one of them looking back.

.

 _Cora_

"Robert, we can't just walk away like that." She cannot believe what Robert suggested to do and what she agreed to do. Leaving his sister and her mother at the National Gallery and going to the park.

"Of course we can. I am sure that Rosamund guesses where we are and she does not mind."

"My mother will mind," Cora says and when Robert shrugs his shoulders at that, she realizes she does not care much either.

"If you get into trouble, I will tell your parents that it was all my fault. But that is what the London season is about, isn't it? Trying to find a husband or wife, preferably one to better yourself and slipping your chaperones."

Despite herself she has to laugh about this.

"You are right and that was very well put." Robert smiles at her and says "Thank you, Cora."

They keep on walking and talking about this and that and they make each other laugh. She wishes that Robert would mention his lovechild soon because if he doesn't, she doesn't know whether she can let things go on. She wants to very much, she likes Robert more than any man she ever met, but she can't marry someone who keeps the truth from her, even if he is not lying. She tries to think of a way to stir the conversation towards children and is just about to point out a cute little blond boy to Robert when that boy comes running screaming "Papa, Papa" on the top of his lungs. Robert kneels down and catches the boy who runs into Robert with such force that they nearly topple over.

"Hello Matthew," Robert says and smiles at the boy.

"Who is she?" Matthew asks and points at her. Robert exasperatedly rolls his eyes.

"Matthew, haven't you got any manners?"

"I forgot them. I am sorry Papa," the boy says and looks down. Robert lifts the boy's chin and says "Don't let it happen again."

"I won't, I promise," the boy says with a kind of sincerity that only small children can have. But the boy keeps looking at her so curiously that she can't help but kneel down and say "Hello Matthew. My name is Cora Levinson and I am very pleased to meet you."

Matthew stares at her open-mouthed and then says "You talk very funny." Robert is about to rebuke him but Cora does not see anything to rebuke in that comment. Of course Matthew should not have made it, but his comment was nothing but curious.

"I am from very far away. Maybe I can tell you about it someday. But for now I think your nanny is waiting for you."

Matthew runs off to join his nanny and Robert looks at her.

"Thank you," he says. "For not yelling at him."

"You are welcome. He is a very sweet boy, isn't he?" She prays for Robert to talk about Matthew, to put it all into the open now, to not make her doubt.

"I am sure you have many questions," Robert says and motions for her to go on.

"I have heard of Matthew before," she says, carefully trying to keep her voice even because she does not want Robert to become defensive right away. She wants to have a real discussion with him.

"What have you heard?" Robert asks her and she can detect a slight insecurity in his voice.

"That he is your lovechild." Robert stops walking for the split of a second but then goes on. Cora briefly wonders if Robert had planned to lie to her about this and is now surprised that he can't, but accusing him of something like that would probably not be helpful right now.

"And that did not put you off?" Robert says and looks at her.

"No," she says and looks into the distance.

"Why ever not?" Robert asks with so much disbelieve in his voice that she has to bite her tongue not to tell him to leave if he did not like her not caring about the fact that he has a lovechild. But again that wouldn't be helpful.

"Because a man who lets a lovechild live with him must love that child. And I suppose he also must be a very good father. That is what I am looking for in a husband. That he would be a good father to our children."

"Besides the title and the estate," Robert says, stops walking and looks straight into her eyes. She never noticed what a nice shade of blue his eyes are.

"Besides that, yes." She can't hold his look anymore so she stares down at the ground and takes a deep breath. She thinks better of it then and looks into his eyes again. This is not a conversation to be had with one or both them looking away because they are uncomfortable. If they are going to be married and to Cora it feels as if she was walking down the aisle already even if they haven't even talked about marriage yet, they have to be hones to each other and trust each other.

"Robert, neither you nor me is going to marry for love. I'll marry for a title and an estate, just as you will marry for money and I don't think that we have much of a choice. But if I am not going to marry a man I love, I at the very least have to know that he is a good father because I could never respect a man who would not care about our children. And while I am quite reconciled to marrying without love I cannot marry without respect. And before you have to ask, I think you are a very good father, the two minutes I saw you with your son were obvious proof of it."

Robert very briefly takes her hand in his but lets go less than a second a later. But it was enough for her to long for more.

"Matthew is not my son," he says and then he takes an envelope out of the inside pocket of his jacket. It looks a bit funny and when Robert looks at her he says "I had to stabilize the envelope. I did not want what is in it to be crumbled." He then hands her a picture with four people on it.

"Matthew drew this," Robert explains. "The people up here are supposed to be his parents. He says they cry because they are dead and smile because he isn't alone anymore. And down here that is he and I."

"Holding hands," she says.

"He likes to grab my hand when we take a walk. I don't have the heart to tell him not to do it."

"And why should you tell him that?" Cora asks.

"My father probably knows the answer to that," Robert sighs and Cora understands that Robert's father is not very impressed by his son taking such good care of Matthew.

"Matthew is not very good at drawing," she says teasingly but Robert gets defensive as soon as the words have left her mouth.

"He is four," he says.

"I know," she replies. "And I'd have that picture framed and put it on my nightstand. That would be much safer than carrying it around. And it would be the first thing I looked at in the morning and the last thing I looked at at night."

Robert looks at her as if he was about to answer but before he can say another word, she hears a screeching voice yelling "Cora!".

.

 _Martha_

"Mother, Matthew is not his lovechild." She cannot refrain from rolling her eyes. She is afraid that Cora is about to fall in love with that godforsaken Lord Downton and she wants to protect her from it at all costs. A man who has one lovechild will very likely produce more without thinking about it. And she couldn't stand her daughter being surrounded by children her husband created outside their marriage.

"So you believe that cock and bull story about him being a third cousin then?"

"Of course I do. Why should he make it up?" She wants to slap her daughter across the face for being so naïve and hug her for always believing in the good of people.

"Because he wants you to marry him." Cora cannot hide her smile at this and she wants to shake her daughter out of this. She is sure that Cora is not yet in love with Lord Downton and that it is not too late.

"But I told him I wouldn't mind a lovechild and he still said that Matthew wasn't his son." She doesn't think she has ever been as exasperated by anyone as she is now by Cora. How could she tell a man that she did not mind a lovechild? If that got around, and she is sure that it will because Lord Downton will want to take his revenge after Cora has refused him, Cora would have a very difficult time in finding a good husband. There would be no way anymore to distinguish between the genuinely nice men and those who are only pretending to be nice but already planning their first meeting with a mistress after the wedding.

"How could you say that?"

"He asked me why I hadn't been put off by Matthew. So I told him." She wonders how Cora could be so bad at scheming. It feels as if she had taught her nothing. As if her little girl had no idea how important it was to keep quiet about certain things, and not so quiet about others. And she wants to tell her that but the look of pure honesty and innocence on her daughter's face makes her swallow her words.

"Don't get hurt," she says instead. They are asking more than enough of Cora. To the outside world, even to her daughter, Martha pretends to agree with her husband that Cora should marry into the English aristocracy at all costs when in fact she would much rather give Cora a little more choice in the matter. But she knows she can't defy her husband, not in this and just like him she wants the family to finally belong to the first circles in New York.

.

 _Cora_

She knows her mother thinks that she is naïve and innocent when she is not, but she used the fact that she can still look like a little girl to her advantage. Lady Rosamund Painswick has invited her to tea and she wanted to go alone. She is almost sure that Robert will be there as well, because those two seem to be as thick as thieves. She is fully aware of the fact that Robert wants to defy his parents by considering marriage to her but she is defying her parents just as much. And maybe that is a good beginning.

When she is admitted into the Painswick's library she expects to find Lady Rosamund at the very least and quite possible also Robert waiting there for her. But there is nobody there and so she sits down a little nonplussed. She looks around the living room which is decorated according to the modern fashion. Robert told her that Rosamund and Marmaduke had bought the house shortly after their marriage. Apparently Lady Grantham had thought it a disgrace that they still had to buy a house but Robert said that he had had the feeling that Maramduke had bought it for Rosamund which was quite a romantic gesture. When she hears a rustling behind her she turns around expecting Rosamund or one of the servants but what she sees is Matthew appearing from under a table and climbing onto a chair, intently staring at what appears to be a very colorful tablecloth.

"Matthew," she says and smiles when the boy turns around, realizing that he has just been caught. It takes the boy only a second though to regain his confidence.

"Hello Ms. Levinson," he says and she is very impressed by Matthew remembering her name and pronouncing it correctly.

"What are you doing here?" she asks and the boy's eyes light up. She supposes that he expected to be send from the room or at least for Cora to call for nanny to take him.

"I am looking at this map. Papa and Aunt Rosamund showed it to me. But I wasn't finished looking at it, so I came back down here." She is surprised at Matthew's honesty and thinks it rather endearing.

"I suppose nanny did not allow you to come down here," she says. Matthew thinks for a moment and then says

"She did not tell me not to come here." This makes Cora laugh out loud and when she sees the pride on Matthew's face for having come up with such a good argument, she gets up and lightly touches his head once.

"You are a smart boy," she says.

"Papa says I am too smart," Matthew replies with such obvious pride that Cora has to laugh again.

"What are you looking for on that map?" she asks.

"America. Lady Granny says you always have to be prepared. So I wanted to find out where you are from. We can make tall talk about it."

"I think you mean small talk," she says and then looks at the map herself. "Would you like me to show you where I am from?" Matthew nods with such enthusiasm that he almost falls of the chair, so she instinctively picks him up, places him on her hip and holds him with one arm. The other one she uses to show Matthew where she grew up, where she lived in New York and where the train took them when they went from Cincinnati to New York for the first time.

.

Robert

He walks down the stairs in a slightly hurried manner. Not only are both Rosamund and he late but Matthew is also missing and he begins to be very mad at the boy. Looking for his wayward son is the last thing he wants to do now. He wants to wait for Ms. Levinson in the library and that is all. But there is a chance that Matthew might be hiding in there. He only took the boy along to his sister's house because he knew that Marmaduke owned a huge map of the world and Matthew had been begging to look at one to see where America is. So he took his son and the nanny along. Neither Rosamund nor Marmaduke mind Matthew, in fact they insist on him calling them 'Aunt' and 'Uncle'. "That is what we are if you are his 'Papa'," Rosamund once said. He had been surprised at first, but later on she had told him that they would never have children and that thus his children would always be very important to them.

When he opens the door to the library he realizes that not only is he too late but also that he has found Matthew. He wishes he could take a photograph and tries to commit the memory of Cora holding Matthew and telling him something about a train journey across America as if he was her son to his mind forever. He watches them for a minute and then makes a decision that could change his life forever.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter!

This chapter has turned out to be longer than I thought it would be but I hope you enjoy it anyway :)

Have good day everyone and please let me know what you think about this chapter.

Kat

* * *

July 1889-August 1889

 _Robert_

He has no idea for how long he has been watching them, but seeing Cora hold Matthew and engage with him makes him feel more at home than he has ever felt, even though they are at Rosamund and Marmaduke's house at the moment. This thought makes him laugh which makes Cora turn around. When Matthew sees him he looks as if he couldn't decide where to hide and how to get there the quickest. Sometimes Matthew reminds him terribly of himself but his mother would of course never have held him the way Cora is holding Matthew.

"Matthew," he says and then realizes that he should have greeted Cora first.

"Hello Papa," the boy says cheerfully but he knows that his son is only trying to hide how guilty he feels. It makes him laugh again and then Matthew says "Papa, you haven't said hello to Cora yet."

"You are very cheeky today," he says to Matthew and wonders if he should threaten his son with a thrashing but then he sees Cora laugh and forgets about it. He has never had anyone give Matthew a thrashing and he hasn't given him one himself yet either. He supposes that is because he hardly ever got them as a child himself. His parents may not have been very affection with Rosamund or him, but they both tried to keep thrashings at a minimum. "They are much more effective then," his mother used to say but he is almost sure that the great Countess of Grantham just did not want to see her children hurt. Although she of course would not have had to witness it or talk to Rosamund or him afterwards.

"I am sorry Papa," Matthew says and he finally walks over to Cora and Matthew.

"I know," he says. Of course Matthew is sorry, the boy does not misbehave on purpose, he is just very confident and smart. Too confident and too smart Robert sometimes think and whenever he thinks about that, pride of Matthew fills his heart.

"Well my boy," he says and takes him from Cora, "you are right. I have not yet said hello to Cora. I must have lost my manners while I was looking for you."

.

 _Cora_

She can't help but smile. The way that Robert and Matthew talk to each other is so unlike anything she has heard about how English lords and ladies raise their children.

"Hello Robert," she says and gets a smile in return she would not mind seeing every day.

"Hello Cora," he replies and then goes on "I am sorry, Matthew must have slipped his nanny."

"He did. He told me. He said that he wanted to be prepared to make small talk with me. Didn't you, Matthew?"

Robert looks a little astonished at her addressing Matthew directly and she realizes that even in America this would be considered unconventional.

"I did," Matthew says and then looks between her and Robert. "Auntie Ros!" he suddenly shouts, wriggles free from her grasp and runs towards his aunt who greets him rather enthusiastically and then says "I'll take you to nanny so I can properly greet our guest."

"He is a very sweet boy," Cora says because she sees a look of disapproval on Robert's face.

"Yes," he replies. "And he has got my sister wrapped around his little finger. She does not mind him calling her Ros, he can't really say Rosamund yet, or he pretends not to be able to say it. She is also the one who suggested to him to call our mother Lady Granny because he still can't say Grantham properly. Or again he may just be pretending. Our mother almost had Rosamund's head when she found out why Matthew had started calling her Lady Granny."

"Does he call your father Lord Granny?"

"No," Robert says and chuckles. "He only calls him Lord. But maybe I should tell Rosamund to suggest calling our father 'Lord Granny' to Matthew."

"That is a splendid idea my dear brother," Lady Painswick says when she enters the library that moment and then proceeds to greet her. Cora can't help thinking that Matthew is not the only Crawley who has got Lady Painswick wrapped around his little finger.

.

 _Matthew_

He knows his Papa is coming to him to say goodnight. He usually looks forward to it because he likes his Papa reading to him but today he is a little afraid of it. He slipped the nanny and was cheeky to his Papa when Ms. Levinson was there. Maybe he is in trouble with his Papa. But he needs to ask his Papa a very important question and so he does not pretend to be asleep.

"Matthew," his Papa says and his heart sinks. Usually his father says 'Matthew, my dear boy', or 'Parrot' when he comes to him at night. Only 'Matthew' means trouble.

"Yes Papa?" he asks. His father looks at him with his brows in furors but then shakes his head.

"I've been thinking about something. Matthew, do you like Ms. Levinson?" He does not have to think about the answer.

"I like her. She is very nice. She did not send me back to nanny." His father chuckles at this and ruffles his hair.

"I suppose she didn't."

"Papa, are you going to marry her?" He knows that his Papa has to get married and his heart is beating very fast now. Lady Granny has told him that when his Papa is married he wouldn't have much time for him anymore, but maybe Ms. Levinson could tell his Papa to have time.

"I will marry her if she'll have me, I think."

"You have to be very nice to her," he says and his father smiles at that.

"So you wouldn't mind? If I married Ms. Levinson?" He is very proud that his Papa asked him this question.

"No Papa. I think you should marry her," he says. Once his Papa has read him a story and kissed him goodnight, Matthew lies in bed, thinking about his Papa and Ms. Levinson. Maybe he will have a Mama soon.

.

 _Cora_

She knows what is about to happen before it does, so when Robert moves to kneel down, she catches his arm and says "Please don't". There is a look of disappointment on his face and when she realizes what that must have sounded like to him, she smiles, moves her hand up and down his arm and says "I only meant 'don't get onto one knee'. That is for people who are in love, so not for us. I did not want to discourage you from asking, but as I think I have, I will just answer your unasked question. Yes."

Robert begins to laugh at this and shakes his head and then kisses her on the lips once.

"But before you announce anything, there is something we should talk about."

"Matthew," Robert says and she nods. "I won't send him away," Robert says and then continues "If that is what you want, then I will never make any sort of announcement about us." The fierce look on Robert's face almost makes her laugh, but she is glad she can hold it back.

"Robert," she sighs and he looks at her with slightly raised eyebrows. "I only wanted to ask you whether you had talked to Matthew about us already. He is a vulnerable child, I am sure, given what he has been through. It wouldn't do for him to just be presented with the facts on your wedding day."

"I am sorry. I should have known that a woman who is not put off by an alleged lovechild because she is looking for a man who would be a good father would not want that lovechild to be send away. Especially if it turns out that the lovechild is the child of a cousin." She can't really place the look on Robert's face, but thinks that it is one of deep friendship and she knows that is what they will have. They won't just be content, they will very likely be more than that, they will be able to trust one another.

"Did you talk to him then?"

"Yes. I did. He knows that I want to marry you and he was happy."

"Good," she says and can't hide her smile. Marrying Robert is what she wants after all and if that means that she has to accept Matthew so she will.

"We now face the almost impossible task of convincing our parents that this is a good idea. I suppose we were both supposed to be scapegoats of some sort."

"A story to tell our grandchildren," she says and pictures herself and Robert as old people, surrounded by their children's children.

.

 _Patrick_

"Are you sure about this, Robert?" He can't really believe what Robert has just told him. Not only that he wants to marry Cora Levinson, but also that he has already proposed and that she has accepted.

"Yes. I know what you think. That she is a second class dollar princess. I also know that she was supposed to be some form of scapegoat for me to realize that I should send Matthew home to Downton. But she is able to accept him."

"I wonder why she wasn't put off by him." He knows that there are rumors that Matthew is Robert's lovechild and he had hoped that if nothing else, that would keep Ms. Levinson away.

"Because she knows that she won't marry for love. It is important for her to marry a man who would be a good father to her children." He wonders for a moment whether he was a good father and then says

"I can't deny that is what you are. I may not like the way you treat Matthew, in fact I think it is wrong to treat him like a son, but you are taking care of him very well. You are probably a better father to Matthew than I ever was to you," he says and carefully watches Robert's reaction. There isn't anything to see in his son's face though, he wears it like a mask and Patrick is rather disappointed until Robert takes a deep breath then says "I know that you love me and a father who loves his children can hardly be a bad father."

"But you prefer your mother." He doesn't know why he said it, he doesn't know why he brings this up. It is unnecessary and embarrassing. But Robert gives a faint smile at that.

"I think I am more like Mama than like you, even if it isn't obvious."

"It is very obvious with Rosamund." Robert gives a hearty laugh at this.

"It is. But she also is like you in many ways and maybe that is why on the whole she gets along better with you than with Mama. And what does matter? I think and I am sure that Rosamund would agree, that the two of us were lucky. There are many parents in our circles who don't care about their children but Mama and you always cared about us. And that is more than enough. Much more." Patrick can feel himself go red and he needs to blink to hide his tears. Robert turns away pointedly and he is very thankful to his son for doing so.

"What will happen to Matthew once you are married to Ms. Levinson?"

"You approve then," Robert says and Patrick nods.

"What will happen to him, Robert?"

"He will stay at Downton and while I don't expect Cora to love him like a son, I am sure that she will like him very much and he will certainly like her."

"So your wedding will not mean the end of you reading to Matthew at night and waking him in the mornings."

"I doubt it," Robert says and grins. "And if I have to fight with Cora about this, then I will. But I don't think I'll have to fight with her. Not about that."

He knows he shouldn't agree to this. Violet is right in saying that it is embarrassing enough that Robert has to marry an American and him marrying a 'second class' American as Violet likes to put it is even worse. But he sees the pleading look on his son's face and as he feels sorry for his dear boy in any case he takes a deep breath and then says

"Well then, if you are sure, I won't be in your way. But you will tell your mother about this." At least that should be taken of his hands because Violet would rip his head off for allowing Robert to marry that Ms. Levinson.

.

 _Violet_

"Papa agreed."

'Papa agreed'. She wants to rip Patrick's head off for allowing Robert to marry that second class American dollar princess. They need to preserve the reputation of the family and if they can't do that by Robert marrying the daughter of at least a baron, better yet an earl, if they have to use Robert's marriage to save the family and the estate, if it has to be an American, then it should at least be one from the first circles in New York and not one from some small town in the Wild West.

"I don't agree."

"I am sorry Mama, but I will marry Ms. Levinson." She knows he is not sorry, she knows this is what Robert wants. Rosamund told her about Ms. Levinson's behavior towards Matthew and for Robert the reputation of the woman he is going to marry doesn't matter. It matters that she has enough money and that she accepts Matthew. Why the boy puts Matthew first all the time she does not understand. Matthew is not his son and she thinks that Robert has let it go too far. Far too far, so far that there is no way out anymore.

"Don't pretend you are sorry when you are not."

"Mama, I don't see any other choice. Not if I want to keep Matthew happy." Now she wants to rip off her son's head too.

"I don't understand why it is more important to you to keep Matthew happy than to keep your own mother happy." She thinks that Robert is only shaking his head at her until suddenly he focusses on her and then begins to shout.

"I want to keep Matthew happy because that boy has been through more in the first four years of his life than other people have to go through in a lifetime. We have given him a home, we cannot take that away from him. I may not have envisioned myself as some sort of father figure for him when we took him in but that is what happened and it makes Matthew's life better. It makes him happy and I will not, under no circumstances, take that away from him. I need a wife who can both provide the money we need and accept Matthew. I have found that in Cora."

Here she has to interrupt him. "Stop calling her Cora. Until you are married she is Ms. Levinson to you." She can see Robert losing it, he looks exactly like his father now and it gives her heart a stabbing pain before he begins to round on her again.

"The only person who has the right to ask me to not call her Cora is Cora herself but she does not mind. And why would she if we are going to be married? To keep up appearances? What appearances? All of London knows why I must marry an American, I don't think we'll appear to be any more ridiculous with her than with anyone else. Cora is a genuinely nice person and if she and I put enough effort into our marriage, we may be more than a couple who tries to avoid each other desperately and only snaps at each other when they can't avoid seeing each other anymore. I am quite reconciled to the fact that I won't marry for love, but I want to marry for friendship and contentment at least and Cora is giving me that."

"Why is that important to you?" She does not understand this. Contentment, friendship, love are all very well in novels and maybe working class marriages but not in aristocratic marriages. The only reason for an aristocratic marriage is to continue the family line and in some unfortunate cases to save the family from ruin. That is all there is to it.

"Because I will have to live with the wife that I have to choose now for fifty or sixty years. You and Papa may be able to ignore each other or fight and be perfectly happy, but I am not able to do that."

"That is your duty." It is what she tells herself whenever Patrick exasperates her. That it is her duty to be his wife.

"No, that is not my duty. My duty is to the estate, the family and the county. But that does not mean that I have to be unhappy and frustrated for what will very likely be the rest of my life." Robert turns on his heels then, leaves the room and bangs the door the way he did when he was still very small.

.

 _Martha_

"You can't be serious. Engaged to that Lord Downton? That man with the lovechild?" She is furious beyond believe. Not just because Cora got engaged to man like that but because her daughter is falling head over heels for a man who is very likely to plan secret visits with his mistress even before he is married. Her little girl will be hurt very much.

"Mama, Lord Downton does not have a lovechild. What do I have to do to make you believe that?"

She cannot answer this question because she thinks that she will never be convinced. English aristocrats are all the same. Scheming and lying to better themselves. Quite like the people she wants to be friends with in New York, a thought which makes her laugh.

"What is so funny about this?"

"Nothing Cora. But believe me, your Lord Downton isn't any better than the rest of his lot. He won't stay true to you, you will be nothing more than the means to achieve two goals. To rescue his estate and to provide an heir. That is all." Cora rolls her eyes at this. Martha finds this behavior a little cheeky and she wonders where Cora got it from, but it might be from that godforsaken Lady Rosmanund Painswick, Lord Downton's sister who seems to have made it her mission to make Cora believe every lie that Lord Downton tells her.

"Mother, you want me to marry and English lord. You say they are all the same. So why can I not marry Lord Downton who may cheat on me but will also be a good father?"

"Because," and then she doesn't know how to go on. Even if he has a lovechild, he does take care of the boy and so he must be a decent man. She knows that Cora won't marry for love, Cora knows that as well and accepts it and as there won't be any love, it should be enough that the man is decent. But then she isn't sure whether there really isn't any love. She isn't sure that she can stop Cora from falling for Lord Downton.

"If you don't know why, then you shouldn't object." Cora looks at her challengingly but not the way she used to look until a few weeks ago when she didn't get what she wanted. She looks composed and aware of what she is doing. And then Martha sees her daughter clearly, sees that she believes Lord Downton because he has given her a solid reason to believe him, sees that Cora knows that her marriage to Lord Downton would very likely be one of friendship and that is enough for Cora, who considers entering the English aristocracy itself the adventure of her life.

"You are right Cora. Marry him if you want to, your father will agree. But you cannot marry him before next year, we will go back home before that because I want you to be sure about all of it. And such a wedding needs planning."

.

 _Robert_

He didn't expect it to be so difficult. He knew he wouldn't be happy exactly to see Cora go home, she has become a very good friend after all. At balls they both attend, he can make jokes about the people around them and she will laugh if she finds them funny. He loves to dance with her, she is good at it and they never lack for conversation. Her almost bubbly Americanism makes her a lot less careful about what she says and thus makes her appear a lot less false than most of the other women around them. When they meet during the day they are usually chaperoned by Rosamund who is bored whenever Marmaduke works but who also isn't very interested in proper chaperoning. Rosamund and Cora seem to get along well but Rosamund knows when to step back and pretend to be oblivious to her little brother's attempts to not make Cora regret her decision. Because that is what he is afraid of, that Cora might regret her decision. Her mother is taking her back to America for the winter and he is sure that her mother will try everything to make her change her mind. And he will allow her to do just that because while Cora is his only chance to save the estate, he knows that she deserves more than him, she deserves more than friendship from her husband.

He is thankful to his sister when she chaperones Cora and him when he says goodbye to her because true to who she is, Rosamund conveniently loses all interest in chaperoning halfway through their meeting.

"I will miss you, Cora," he says and means it. "You've become a very good friend." Cora nods and smiles and then says

"I will miss you too. I will write. Please give Matthew my love." He nods and kisses her forehead and then says what he knows he has to say.

"Cora, should you find someone else back home, someone who loves you, someone you love, then please don't hesitate. Don't think you have to throw your chance of happiness away because of me. I wouldn't be angry, I'd be happy for you. I promise."

Cora looks at him with a soft smile playing around her lips and she touches his upper left arm with her right hand.

"Robert, I will marry you and save your estate. I gave you my word and I am not about to break it."

"You say that now," he says but she shakes her head.

"Robert, don't worry. But I have to leave now. Goodbye." She then looks around him and says "Goodbye Rosamund," to which his sister replies something he doesn't hear. When he watches Cora walk back into the house she has lived in with her family while in London, an uneasy feeling settles in his stomach but before he can think about it Rosamund lightly takes his hand and pulls him away.

On their way to Grantham House she turns to him and says

"Cora may want to keep her word. The question is, will you want to keep yours?" Without thinking about it he answers

"I don't have another choice. I will never find another woman who is rich enough, willing to accept Matthew and who I like who will agree to marry me."

Rosamund is biting her lip now, always a sign for a difficult question or discussion to follow.

"Imagine you did find her. The woman of your dreams. A woman who is rich enough to save Papa and you, who likes Matthew and loves you. And you love her too. What would you do then? Would you break your word to Cora?"

Sometimes Rosamund unnerves him completely. He loves her dearly, but she knows how to set his teeth on edge.

"Why are you asking those questions?" he replies and she says

"Because I know you very well, my dear brother."


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Thank you so much for the many reviews, also on my other stories! Each and everyone makes me smile.

More at the bottom this time :)

* * *

September 1889 to January 1890

 _Martha_

"Is Cora alright?" Her husband looks worriedly after their daughter who just left the breakfast table with the thick envelope that has just been handed to her.

"I suppose so," Martha replies. "It looked like another letter from that Lord Downton." She is sure it was, Lord Downton writes to Cora very often and Cora replies just as often and the letters become thicker every week.

"That boy writes a lot, considering that he is not in love with Cora. I wonder how much he would write if he actually did love Cora?"

"Maybe he'd be like you and send one line every four weeks," she says to her husband who breaks into loud laughter.

"You will never forgive me for that, will you?" he says with a twinkle in his eyes and she shakes her head. She loves her husband dearly but writing letters is not his strong suit.

"No," she says, gets up and kisses him.

"Will you miss her?" he asks her, a question she has been waiting for for weeks. Isidore and she have never talked about what marrying Cora off to an English lord would mean to them besides opening the doors to the first circles in New York.

"Very much. I will certainly miss her more than she will miss me." Deep down in her heart she knows that Cora is willing to 'embark on the greatest adventure of a life time' as the girl likes to say because she wants to be away from her mother. Martha knows that Cora and she do not get along well, she loves Cora very much and she is sure that Cora loves her too, but they are too different to get along well. She sometimes wonders why Cora is so different. She can be fiery but she hardly ever is, she is so very gentle most of the time.

"It is her great adventure and we should be happy that she looks at it as an adventure. Imagine she did not want to go. Imagine she did not understand why it is important for us that she marries an English lord." She has imagined that countless times, she sometimes even wishes that Cora would fall for an American before it is too late, but she is sure that it is too late, and so she does not waste time with it anymore.

"I'd rather not imagine that. Have you heard anything from Lord Grantham yet?"

"Yes. He agreed. He will tie the knot very tight but so will I. Cora will never have any right to her money again, it will become part of the estate. But the Crawleys will never again be entitled to any money from us again. Our capital will revert back to Harold once we are both dead, Cora has no right to it and neither have the Crawleys." Somehow this sounds wrong to her. To finalize all that now, to decided now that Cora will never again receive any money from them.

"Does Cora know about this?"

"Yes. And she understands it. She considers it to be an act of legal theft, but she knows there is no way around it." This makes her very proud of her daughter and lets her think that in many ways Cora probably is like her father. But there is something else that continues to worry her. She has so far not had the courage to talk to Isidore about it, but maybe it is time now.

"I am afraid that she is not only giving her money away but that she has also given her heart away."

"She'll be happy then," her husband replies without much concern.

"No, she won't be. Because that Lord Downton has certainly not given his heart away."

Isidore laughs at this.

"Martha, you should have more faith in our daughter. I think 'that Lord Downton' as you say has not given Cora his heart yet. If she really loves him, she will make him fall in love with her. Mark my words." With that Isidore gets up and leaves to go to work.

.

 _Cora_

She weighs the letter in her hand. It is heavy and that makes her excited but also a little worried. Robert's letters to her become longer with every one that he writes. At first they were only a bit longer than usual and only because Robert told her little things about Matthew. She had the feeling that he couldn't stop himself from writing about his son and it always made her smile to read about the little boy. Robert writing about Matthew in loving tones reassures her of the fact that he is a good father. Recently, however, Robert has started to write to her about the estate. Apparently he has been going through the books and found out that the estate is in even worse condition than he thought. He feels an enormous pressure and says that the only three people in the world he can ask for advice are Rosamund, Marmaduke and Cora herself. Marmaduke has suggested going behind Lord Grantham's back and to change the running of the estate now but according to Robert there isn't enough money for that at the moment.

Cora thought about asking her own father for advice, maybe even asking him to write to Robert himself and offer help where it is possible to help, but she is afraid that if her parents find out that the Grantham estate is in even worse condition than they think it is, they could change their minds and stop her from marrying Robert after all.

This newest letter also includes a page about what will happen to her inheritance once Robert and she are married. Her father of course explained it all to her, he wants her to know what she is getting herself into but now she is reading in Robert's words and handwriting.

 _Cora, I want you to understand that your money will be gone. You will sign it over to the estate and will never have any right to it again. It will belong to my family. Of course it won't be lost but you will not be able to use it as you please. You will of course have every luxury you can think of, but it will be paid for by my parents as long as my father is alive. Until he dies the money is essentially his and then it becomes mine. Of course that is not what it says in the documents our fathers' lawyers are drawing up right now, but that is what those documents mean. In the event that I die before we have a son, or any children at all, the money will remain part of the estate. There is of course some money set aside for you and any future daughters, so much that you can life of it in quite some splendor for the rest of your life, but it is only a small part of the fortune that is yours now or would become yours the day your father dies._

Robert then goes on about some estate business but she doesn't really take the words in. She knew everything that Robert said about her money, her father was very open with her, but reading it in Robert's words and handwriting unsettle her stomach and for the first time she begins to wonder if it really was a good decision to agree to her parents' wishes and marry into the English aristocracy. She now has the feeling that she is giving up her freedom and is glad that there is a ball to look forward to that night.

.

She spends the night dancing with Henry Fincher. Henry and she have known each other for years and before her parents told her about their plans for her to go to England, she thought that she might marry Henry. She is by no means in love with him but he has a thing for her and is a very kind man. She enjoys his attention very much and agrees to meet him the next day. Only when she is alone in bed that night and her eyes fall on the letter on her nightstand does she realize that she didn't think about Robert for a single moment that night.

When she and Henry walk around together the next day, her brother following at a distance that is quite reminiscent of Rosamund, she can't help but wonder. She can't help but wonder what it would be like to not marry Robert but Henry instead. A man who does not need her fortune, a man she actually knows, a man who does not come with the burden of an already existing child. She could stay in New York, be closer to her brother and father and also her mother, although she would like to get away from her mother very much. But she would certainly miss Harold and their father. And she wouldn't be any less happy with Henry than she'd be with Robert.

So when Henry visits her every day for the next five days and proposes to her on the sixth, she tells him that she needs some time to think about it.

She does think about it and has almost made her decision to stay in New York and marry Henry when she receives a letter from Robert wishing her the 'merriest of Christmases'. The letter includes a three page long description of what Christmas is like at Downton and a picture drawn by Matthew that she thinks is supposed to be a Christmas tree. But it is the last paragraph that makes her stumble.

 _I know you will return in January and if you haven't booked the crossing yet, why don't you try to leave at the end of December so that you would be here before January fifth? You could celebrate New Year's Eve on the ship. Rosamund and Marmaduke broke with family tradition last year and did exactly that. Our mother had a fit of course but they said it was well worth being yelled at for three days and not spoken to for the two following weeks, although I am not sure they considered that last bit a punishment. We always hold the Servants' Ball on the fifth so that the tree is still up. It is always taken down very early on the morning of January seventh, the day after Epiphany. So if you liked we could have our own little Christmas celebration on January sixth. I would like that very, very much but of course it is up to you._

The fact that Robert would like to spend Christmas with her or at least pretend to spend it with her somehow seems to alter everything.

Henry has professed himself to be in love with her several times now but she never answered the sentiment because she couldn't do so truthfully. Until this point she had thought that she could not tell Henry that she loved him because she didn't and she is sure that she doesn't, but reading the last paragraph of Robert's letter woke up quite a few butterflies in her stomach and she doesn't really know what that means. Although she is afraid that it means that there are two men who want to marry her, one who loves her and one she is about to love. Unfortunately they are not the same man and she feels as if she had to decide between marrying a man who loves her and hope that she will learn to love him over time or marry a man she is almost sure she could love and hope that he will learn to love her over time. She needs to know which outcome is the more probable and a tiny voice in her head tells her that Robert might be about to fall in love with her too. So she decides to beg her mother to arrange for them to arrive in England on January 3rd or 4th because she certainly cannot make a decision without seeing Robert again.

Her mother seems a bit unnerved by her begging but gives in to her in end. Henry looks like a puppy whose favorite toy has been taken away when she tells him about her wish to go to England one more time and somehow that look does not endear him to her.

.

When they arrive in Liverpool on the fourth she expects to be picked up by a carriage and be taken to the station but what she does not expect is for Robert to be waiting for her next to the carriage. But so he does, smiling at her like a little boy on Christmas morning. Which she thinks is quite fitting.

"I am so glad you agreed to my suggestion," he whispers to her when he hands her into the carriage, holding her hand longer than would be considered appropriate. When she looks at him across her seat she knows that she is able to make her final decision.

.

 _Patrick_

"So Robert has really gone to Liverpool to pick that American up." He looks at Violet and sees the disapproving look on her face.

"Yes he has. I thought it was rather nice of him," he replies.

"Nice? He is being overly dramatic. If he was a working class man waiting for the love of his life then maybe his behavior could be considered proper. But he is a future earl entering an inconvenient marriage of convenience."

He hears Violet laugh at her own pun and it makes him sick. It was a good pun, but he hates the way she tries to show her obvious intelligence that way several times every day, often hurting others in the process. At the beginning of their marriage he found her wit funny and paired with her fearlessness it led to a great many enjoyable moments in which Violet put people in their places he would have liked to put there for years but never dared to do so.

"Working class men don't marry Americans who arrive in Liverpool," he replies.

"You know that is not what this is about. I just don't understand why it was necessary to go all the way to Liverpool and leave us with the boy."

"He did not leave us with the boy. He left the boy with the nanny."

"Well, she better be careful he does not come into the library after tea. I wouldn't know what to do with him."

"Of course you would. You knew what to do with Rosamund and Robert," he says and looks his wife in the eyes. But she shakes her head and says

"They are our children. Matthew is, I don't know what he is." In truth he doesn't know either. He had been sure, so sure that he disapproved of Matthew living with them that it was wrong of Robert to give the boy the kind of life he is giving him. But the day before yesterday when Robert and he returned from visiting a tenant, Matthew had passed them in the hall and the boy had said "Hello Papa, hello Grandpapa," and for a brief moment he had wanted to grab the boy and swing him around and let him fly and hear him scream with joy the way he used to do with Rosamund and Robert.

Remembering that makes him smile.

"What are you smiling about?" Violet asks in a tone of disapproval. He does not want to tell her, does not want her to know that he sometimes wishes their children were still small, that he was given another chance with them, a chance to spend more time with them. She would call him sentimental and to her being sentimental is a capital offence and he is so very tired of her barbs and the fighting.

"Robert went to Liverpool because he wants to be kind to Ms. Levinson. He wants to show her that she is welcome here and that he is prepared to make an effort for her."

"Well, we've already got the money but still need an heir. Maybe Robert making an effort will make her more willing to," he is disgusted. Not by his wife but by what she says.

"Violet," he says interrupting her. "That is not why he is making an effort. He wants his marriage to be content, maybe even happy."

"We are happily married and neither one of us has ever made an effort."

"We are not happily married," he says trying very hard to restrain himself from yelling. "We appear to be happy enough by the standards of our own social circles. That is it. That is all of it."

For once he seems to have stunned Violet into silence because she does not say anything. He returns his attention to the newspaper and gets lost in a political article when suddenly he feels the sofa shift next to him and then feels Violet put her hand on his arm.

"Maybe it is not too late to try to make an effort," she says and the pure cheek of her saying that to him when she had from the very first moment on made it abundantly clear that she did not want an emotional involvement, when it had been she who had almost run away, makes him get up, throw his newspaper at her and leave the room without saying a word.

.

 _Violet_

She considers going after her husband but then realizes that it wouldn't make a difference. She knows him well enough by now to know that she'd only be making things worse. She should not have listened to Rosamund who told her what it means to be happily married. But fool that she sometimes is, her mind conjured up some romantic image of Patrick and herself suddenly falling in love with each other after decades of marriage.

She had felt so sorry for him when he came back into the drawing room after he had had to tell Robert about their financial ruin. And she had thought that he had liked it when she briefly held his hand. But apparently not. There are tears forming in her eyes but the blurred picture that she sees through them is not that of the Downton library but of a night in Russia, full of moonlight and kisses and then she sees Patrick handing her the Faberge picture frame with photos of Rosamund and Robert. She is sure until this day that Patrick does not know about her affair with Prince Kuragin but he did know that something had been unusual during those weeks. And he had tried to make it better and it had been better for a very short time. But as soon as they had returned home, as soon as the estate and his mother had been part of their lives again, they returned to what they had always been and still are. A man and a woman married to each other solely because they were a good match in the eyes of society. A husband and wife who try to avoid each other as much as they can, who have nothing in common except their children. She sends a silent prayer to the heavens for Robert to find some happiness. Rosamund has already found it of course and when Violet realizes that she feels a pang of jealousy.

* * *

AN: I know the part about Cora and Henry might seem a little rushed but I wanted to show her doubts (which I suppose anyone would have in her situation) but I also did not want to put too much stress on them and I hope it worked.

Let me know what you think, please!

Happy Downton Day everyone,

Kat


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Early update this week as I probably won't have any time to do update tomorrow morning.

I hope this chapter isn't too rushed, but it really is more of a link than anything else. Please let me know what you think!

Kat

P.S.: Thank you so much for all the reviews on the last chapter!

The numbers of reviews have been going down, so I hope that I am not boring you. For those of you who asked: James and Patrick will become part of the story soon.

* * *

January 1890-April 1890

 _Robert_

He could murder his parents. Both of them. Of course they insisted on a grand dinner to welcome Cora, her parents and her brother. That is nothing less than what he expected.

But his father also told him in no uncertain terms that he was not allowed to say goodnight to Matthew and he is sure that Cora would have liked to see the boy and Matthew certainly would have liked to see Cora. But they arrived at the Abbey with the dressing gong so there had been no time.

His mother on the other hand keeps talking about a Henry Fincher, whom according to her or rather Rosamund's spy in New York Cora spend a lot of time with while in America. And while Robert would certainly like to ask Cora about this Henry Fincher, he does not think that she has committed a capital offense. He gave her permission after all. But his mother uses this Henry to try and dissuade him from Cora, something neither he nor his parents can afford if they don't want to become the laughing stock of society. Besides that he felt quite a lot of joy when he saw Cora in Liverpool and he thinks that being happy to see one's fiancé again is probably important for a content marriage based on friendship. And that is what he wants, he has daily proof of what a marriage is like if the husband and wife in question don't get along and he cannot do that do himself, Matthew or any other future children. Of course when he was still a child he didn't really notice how things stood between his parents but now he knows and he thinks that a marriage like theirs is not recommendable.

At least his mother has placed him opposite Cora but as far as he knows her, she will not give permission to talk to anyone besides the people sitting next to him, Cora's brother and mother. Martha Levinson of course does not care about whom the hostess is speaking to, she just shouts across the table with random people being the addressees. Her husband and Cora have already gotten an earful and now poor Rosamund has become the next victim. Mrs. Levinson has also already asked Carson whether he didn't feel 'out of place, being reduced to the work of a footman when he usually is a valet'. Carson, a personification of dignity answered the question as stoically as he could, over stressing the British and thus in his eyes correct pronunciation of the word 'valet'. Rosamund nearly choked on her wine and was thrown a look by their mother that was so stern that even Robert felt guilty.

He is very thankful when dinner is finally over, but being stuck in the dining room with his father, Cora's father and brother and Maramduke is not exactly his ideal idea of the first evening Cora spends at Downton. He likes Mr. Levinson, but Harold isn't really his type and he is sure that Harold and Maramduke will end up in a fight about business models while his father will talk about the advantages of having an aristocracy. He wishes he could hide but as that is not possible he spends an hour listening to the other four people in the room bicker on and on and when his father finally tells them to join the ladies he gulps down the rest of his port and jumps from his chair.

Things don't improve in the drawing room however because they enter it to a shouting match between his and Cora's mothers who are fighting about the colors of the flowers at the wedding. Cora looks as if she wanted to be anywhere else while Rosamund seems to have the time of her life.

It takes until mid-morning the next day before he finally catches Cora on her own. They embark on what he hopes will be the first of many walks together across the Downton grounds. He knows they should exchange pleasantries but Cora jumps the gun and asks about Matthew right away. The question makes him happy and when she says that she would like to see him before tea and he suggest right after their walk she smiles at him and he knows that she really is looking forward to seeing his son again. They talk a little about this and that and to his great surprise Cora herself begins to speak about Henry Fincher.

"Your letter arrived just at the right time. An old friend of mine, Henry Fincher, had just proposed marriage to me."

"And did you consider it?" Cora looks into the distance, seemingly lost in memories.

"I told him I would consider it. Yes. And there were arguments in favor of it." He doesn't know whether he wants to know the answer to his unasked question but Cora seems to think it important as she continues after having looked at him for a while.

"He doesn't need my money, he doesn't have a child, he lives close to my brother and father, he loves me."

"Then why in heaven's name did you come back here? There can be nothing that I can offer that could be better than that." Cora laughs at this and says

"But there is. You have a title and you live very far away from my mother."

"But I don't love you."

Cora looks at him thoughtfully as if she was weighing her answer very carefully.

"No, you don't. And I don't love you. But I don't love Henry either and I think that it would have ended very painfully as I doubt that I would ever have been able to fulfill his expectation. We were bound to head for disaster. For a time I thought that I could be as happy with him as with you but when I saw you in Liverpool I knew that it wasn't true. We don't expect love in our marriage and so we have a chance at becoming friends, trust each other, be in each other's confidence, because there won't be any disappointed about unrequited love. But I believe that if one person is in love with another and that person does not return the feeling, the first person can never give up hope until he or she finds someone who loves them. But had I married Henry that solution would have been out of the question."

He is absolutely stunned by what Cora has just said and knows that she is right. He is saved from having to answer by Matthew running across the lawn yelling "Papa, Cora," with the nanny following him yelling "Master Matthew, Master Matthew". When Matthew stops right in front of them he sprays Cora with mud, looks at her, says

"I apologize. Welcome to Downton."

Cora breaks into loud laughter at this and lifts Matthew from the ground, telling him that he has grown and become heavier to which Matthew replies that he was growing up and 'almost always eating his vegetables'. In that moment, watching his future wife and his son, he knows that despite the absence of love in his marriage, he will be a happy man.

.

 _Cora_

The wedding day is a blur to her. Her mother waking her, telling her things that Harold told her years ago and that she and Robert did weeks ago for the first time. When her mother comes to the part of how much the first time hurts, Cora has to bite her lip not to reply that it wasn't very painful. Apparently Robert isn't just a gentleman but also a very gentle man. She has to laugh about this very stupid pun and tells her mother that it is just nerves. At some point her father walks her down the aisle and what feels like a second later Robert and she leave the church a married couple. There is a wedding breakfast that the staff has obviously put a lot of work in, she gets changed out of her wedding dress and she and Robert are off to London to stay with Rosamund and Marmaduke for one night. Those two are with them on the train and Rosamund keeps making dirty comments about 'what is to come' until Robert says 'Shut up, we already did it. More than once.'. That really shuts Rosamund up but causes a completely drunk Marmaduke to ask very inappropriate questions.

She is glad and has a feeling that so is Robert when they leave for Paris the next day. Their wedding journey lasts four weeks and takes them to the south of France. It is very enjoyable, she likes being alone with Robert and they find out that they can make each other laugh but also have very serious discussions. They spend every night together, Robert saying that he does not understand why he should sleep in a tiny single bed when he could just share her bed and that he found out that women's beds are always more comfortable than those for men.

"I think that is unfair. So if you don't mind, I'll just share your bed," he says to her one night after they have both had a little too much to drink and enjoyed their 'marital duties' tremendously. Twice.

"Of course you can stay in my bed. Stay for the rest of your life. I like sleeping next to you," she replies and for the first time Robert kisses her without it being foreplay. It causes her stomach to do a backflip and when she kisses him back she thinks that he might be feeling the same.

After that night Robert begins to hold her hand and she begins to hold onto his arm when they are walking. There is something about their physical closeness that has changed, she has a feeling they both need it more than before and not purely for reasons to do with passion.

When they return home Robert's parents look at them disapprovingly when Robert takes her hand after leaving the carriage and the first thing the Countess of Grantham does is scold them.

Matthew's welcome a few minutes later in the nursery is a different matter. The boy is overjoyed to see them and cannot sit still for a moment. She decides then to become closer to Matthew, to really get to know the boy that has stolen Robert's heart.

.

 _Robert_

"Robert," his mother almost shouts at him. "Where is your wife?"

He looks at the clock in the hall and sighs. He knows where Cora is and his mother probably knows this as well.

"Cora and I have to call on your grandmother in half an hour and you know that she does not like it if anyone is late. Horrible woman. I will leave without Cora if she has not come down in ten minutes."

He sighs again. His mother has complained about her mother-in-law for as long as Robert can remember but he does not think that she is a much better mother-in-law to Cora.

Cora and he returned from their honeymoon four weeks ago and there hasn't been a day that went by without his mother criticizing or complaining about Cora. He does not think that Cora deserves this, she really tries to fit in, in his eyes she even tries too much. He grew accustomed to her American ways on their honeymoon and finds them endearing. She even once said to him that she thought about trying to adapt an English accent and wondered whether there was a teacher somewhere who could help but he begged her not to try and lose her American accent.

"It is a part of you and I don't want anything about you to change," he said to her and it made her smile. She fell asleep in his arms for the first time that night and it had given him an incredible feeling of warmth when he realized that her breathing had eased and that she felt so comfortable in his arms that she could fall asleep there.

If he does not want Cora to have to suffer under his mother's wrath for the rest of the day he has to go and tell her that his mother is about to leave. So he walks to her room, carefully opens the door but he does not see what he expected to find.

He expected to find Cora and Matthew sitting on Cora's settee, Cora reading to Matthew and Matthew listening intently, something that has become a daily routine for them. They really are sitting on the settee but both of them are asleep, Cora's left arm wrapped around Matthew and Matthew's head resting on Cora's shoulder.

He briefly wonders if he should just not wake them, find an excuse why Cora can't join his mother but he doubts that he could make up an excuse good enough. So he walks across the room and very lightly kisses Cora on the cheek.

"Darling," he says, "I am so sorry but you have to wake up."

Cora mumbles something that sounds like 'Thank you,' and he lifts Matthew from her lap. She gets up and stands in front of the mirror.

"Well," she says, "at least I don't look as if I had fallen asleep with a little boy on my lap." He is now standing behind her and can see her smile in the mirror. He can also see himself holding Matthew standing right behind her. 'A perfect family' he thinks, smiles and then feels his knees go weak.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: I am sorry for the late update and I am also sorry for this chapter in general. I don't think it is very good. But I have had a horrible week and somehow I think that that has influenced my writing skills.

But thank you so so much for all the reviews on the last chapter!

Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday and Downton Day (last one before the CS)

Kat

.

P.S.: James and Patrick are mentioned for the first time. Just to clear up any confusion: I supposed that James is/was Robert's first cousin and thus the son of Robert's father. So James would be Robert's father's nephew.

* * *

May 1890

.

 _Matthew_

.

"Master Matthew stop kicking the door. Now."

"NOOOO!" he yells. He feels Nanny grab him around the waist and begins to kick her instead of the door. He wants to kick something or someone. His Papa and Cora promised to bring him to bed but they didn't come to the nursery.

"Master Matthew, stop it!"

"NOOOOOO!" he screams as loudly as he can. He does not want to stop. He wants his parents. "I hate you!" he yells at Nanny. If she wasn't here, Papa and Cora would have to tuck him in at night.

"Master Matthew, go to bed. Now!" He throws himself on his bed and hits the pillow as hard as he can. He hates Nanny, he hates the pillow, he hates the world.

"I will not read you a bedtime story," Nanny says and he yells "I don't care!" He doesn't care. He doesn't want Nanny to read to him.

And then he can't stop the tears from falling anymore. He shouldn't cry, Lady Granny said so when his Papa and Cora were away and he missed them. He was hiding in the library, crying because he was afraid that his Papa and Cora would not come back. Lady Granny sat down next to him and told him not to worry. That his Papa would look after Cora, but he had still been afraid. He behaved as well as he could the whole time they were gone because he thought it would make them come back and love him. But now they didn't come to him and he just can't stop crying. He thought he had parents but they don't care. Nobody cares about him. Maybe he should just hide. Nobody would miss him. Maybe he could hide somewhere in the attics.

"Matthew?" He pulls the blanket over his head. "Matthew? Are you still awake darling?" He is nobody's darling.

"Matthew, we know you are mad at us. We are very sorry we couldn't come to you earlier. If you want him to, Papa will read to you now. You can sit on my lap." He turns around and pulls the blanket off his head. Cora is sitting on his bed wearing a purple dress and diamonds in her hair. His Papa is standing next to her, a hand on her shoulder, in his penguin coat.

"Why did you cry?" his Papa asks but he can only cry again. He feels Cora's arms around him and she places a kiss on his head.

"I thought you didn't care," he chokes out.

"Of course we care Matthew. But sometimes there are things we have to do. But if you let me, I will read to you now." He wants his Papa to read to him and so he nods. He closes his eyes to listen to his Papa and wakes up when it is still dark, tucked in with a teddy bear in his arms. His mother and father gave it to him and he loves it. His Papa or Cora must have gotten it from the shelf and given it to him.

He remembers crawling into his parents' bed when he was still very small and that is what he wants to do now. So he takes his teddy and his blanket and walks to his Papa's room. He knocks on the door but nobody says anything and when he enters the room he sees that the bed is empty. But there is a low light in Cora's room so he walks in there and sees that both his Papa and Cora are asleep. His Papa is on his back and Cora right next to him on her front. He climbs over his Papa and tries to lie down between them.

"Matthew, what is it?"

"I felt lonely," he says and Cora rolls over to make room for him.

.

 _Violet_

.

She sees Robert carrying a sleeping Matthew out of Cora's room. Again. She asked the nanny how often Matthew slept there and was told that the boy had nightmares about once or twice a week and that he usually went to sleep in Cora's room then. There are so many things wrong with this arrangement that it makes her insides boil.

Robert is obviously spending every night in Cora's room, something he is not supposed to do. It isn't proper for a Viscount to stay with his wife after completion of the marital duties. Matthew should not be allowed into Cora's room. Robert and Matthew are only distantly related, Cora and Matthew are only related through Cora's marriage, she should not allow the boy to become so close to her. And yet Cora often acts as if she was Matthew's mother. Robert should not indulge Cora or Matthew concerning the sleeping arrangements but he does not seem bothered by it. He should just tell Cora that he wants to sleep in his own room and that Matthew has to stay in the nursery.

She mentions this to her husband when they are in the library by themselves some time that morning. When she saw Patrick there she instinctively turned around again to go somewhere else as she usually does when she enters a room and sees Patrick in it by himself. But she forced herself to stay. Patrick loves Robert, she is sure of that, and so maybe she should ask him to talk some sense into the boy.

"Robert allows Cora to become rather close to the boy," she says to start a conversation.

"I don't think he allows her to do anything. She just does it," Patrick says without looking up from his newspaper.

"She is very hard to train."

"She is not a dog, Violet. And so far she hasn't made any huge blunders so we should count our lucky stars."

"I think Robert goes to her room every night." Patrick still doesn't look up from his newspaper and she can see that he is not reading it. He is hiding behind it.

"And I know that he does."

"How do you know?" She is rather surprised by this.

"I recently reminded Robert to take his marital duties seriously. He told me that he did so every night." There is a lot of pride in Patrick's voice.

"He is more meticulous about it than you were then." Patrick came to her three times a week until she fell pregnant with Robert. They were told after the birth that she would not have any other children then and she only needs one hand to count the times that Patrick has come to her since then.

"His wife is an American. Who knows what she is capable of doing," Patrick says and she isn't sure whether it was a joke. She is almost sure that Cora does not lie back and think of England as any proper lady would do and it irks her.

"Maybe she has taken him in," she says

"Maybe," Patrick replies but she knows he does not want to talk. He is still staring at his newspaper without reading anything. She feels a horrible pounding in her head and sits down opposite Patrick, something that leads him to grunt in disapproval.

"Robert sleeps in Cora's room. He keeps the bed in his dressing room only for appearances."

"As long as word doesn't get around I don't care if he sleeps in the yard."

"Carson must know."

"And he will keep silent," Patrick says and finally puts his newspaper down. He looks straight into her eyes, something he only does very rarely. "Violet, why do you care so much? What does it matter where Robert sleeps?"

"Because it isn't proper," she says and thinks 'because I want to know why you never stayed'.

"No it is not. But it isn't proper to talk about such things and you do it regardless."

"What if word got around? What will our friends say when they find out that our son shares his wife's bed every night?"

"They will probably say that he is a lucky bastard." Once the last word has left Patrick's mouth she sees that he regrets saying it but she can't stop herself. She hits the sofa with her right hand, looks Patrick in the eyes and says

"Robert is not a bastard. You should know that. Your mother had me followed everywhere by the Spanish inquisition." Patrick's face is going red now and she knows he is close to exploding. Unconsciously she ducks a little when he gets up and once she realizes it she sits up straight. Patrick now towers over her and there is more disappointment in his eyes than she has ever seen there before.

"I know he is not a bastard," he says and then walks away. Before he leaves the room, he turns around and says, in a much softer voice

"I never stayed because I knew you did not want me to stay."

"Maybe it would have made this marriage easier if you had stayed," she says and Patrick walks back into the room.

"No. We were doomed for failure." Patrick turns around again and leaves her with her heart in shatters. Until about a year ago she thought that Patrick and she had a good marriage but then she saw how happy Rosamund was and now she sees what a marriage based on the need for money and a hunt for a title can be like.

She hears screaming from outside and walks to the French doors. She sees Robert and Cora outside with Matthew. Robert is teaching Matthew how to play cricket and Cora is cheering them. Matthew's attempts look like those of such a small child do, as if he was stumbling over the bat. But the boy looks very happy and so do Robert and Cora.

"Maybe they aren't doomed for failure," she whispers.

"I don't think they are." She turns around and sees that Patrick has come back and is standing right behind her. "Robert is a very good husband and father," he says not without pride in his voice but there is also regret.

"You are a good father too," she says and that is what she believes. Patrick loves their children; there is no doubt about it.

"But I've not been a very good husband."

"I suppose I haven't been a very good wife. Not in the way that Cora or Rosamund are good wives."

"We are two pieces of a puzzle that don't match but still have been stuck together."

"That describes all of the British aristocracy. From afar it looks like a perfectly constructed puzzle but the closer you get the more mismatches and unevenness you find." Patrick gives a short laugh at this and she thinks it is to cheer her up.

"Violet, I am sorry, don't think that I am not. But I think that Robert and Cora have a chance to be happily married in the true sense of the words." She nods and feels Patrick put a hand on her shoulder. It makes her shiver but she doesn't know with what. They remain standing there for a few minutes, stock-still, until Patrick drops his hand and says "I'll see you at lunch."

She almost says "I suppose we can't avoid that," but stops herself. Biting Patrick's head off has become something she does without thinking about it and she wishes it hadn't. But it is too late, Patrick was right when he said that they had been doomed for failure.

She hears commotion in the hall and the voices of Matthew and Robert who are talking about cricket and she hears Cora laugh about something. She looks into the hall and sees that Matthew is walking between Robert and Cora, holding each of them by the hand.

"Robert," she says and he turns around to look at her. He lets go of Matthew and walks towards the library.

"What have I done now?" he asks. "Are you going to scold me for the grass stains on my cricket uniform?" There is a bit of a twinkle in her son's eyes and she isn't sure whether he is serious.

"Why would I scold you for them? It is not me who has to clean them. It is Carson who has to do it. He should scold you for them."

"But he won't," Robert says, smiling.

"No, he likes you too much." In fact she doesn't mind that Robert and Carson get along well. Carson joined them as a junior footman about five years ago but 'Charles' as he was called then rose through the ranks quickly and she is sure that as soon as their current butler leaves Robert will push for Carson to become head butler and she will agree.

"Are you happy in your marriage?" she asks Robert bluntly. Subtlety has after all never been her strongest suit.

"What?" Robert asks.

"Are you happy with the choice you made?"

"Of course I am," Robert replies.

"I just wanted to know," here Robert interrupts her.

"Mama, Cora isn't pregnant yet. But I promise it is not for a lack of trying. Papa has already had this conversation with me. And what did you expect? That she would become pregnant the first time we ever?"

"She'd be showing by now then, wouldn't she?" she asks. She knows very well that Robert and Cora thought waiting until the wedding night a tradition that could be disregarded. But she did not say anything because they do need an heir. Robert's face goes as red as a tomato and it is hard for her not to laugh about him because he looks the way he used to when he found out that nanny had told her about his fights with Rosamund.

"So we should all be glad that she did not fall pregnant right away," she continues. "I just wanted to give you some advice. True happiness in a marriage is very rarely to be found among people like us. So if you have found it, don't let it go," she says and then leaves the library.

.

Patrick

.

He takes the letter and groans. It was send by his nephew James and that is never a good sign. He does not like that man, not at all. He is too much like his mother, a horrible, deceitful woman who has raised James to be an arrogant, ignorant fool. Patrick has always felt sorry for his poor brother William who suffers under his wife so much that he spends more time in London than at home. Patrick has always allowed William to stay at Grantham House, their father would not have liked it, he would have said that Patrick was the earl and not William and that thus William should stay away from the house unless there was a party. But Patrick feels so sorry for his younger brother that he does not mind what their father would say. The man is dead after all and wasn't much of a father anyway. Patrick learned what he learned from their land agent and his mother. Of course he knows what it is like to be stuck in a less than ideal marriage but Violet at least is a sensible person and they agree on most things regarding their children. Maria is anything but sensible and so William's fate is much worse than Patrick's own.

James has a son named Patrick. He wasn't thrilled when he found out that is nephew's son had been named after him and thus his grandson would in all likelihood not be named Patrick but Robert only laughed at him for making such a comment. Apparently 'Patrick' wasn't on the list of Robert's choices for a boy's name in any case.

He reads James' letter and wants to ball it up and throw it into the fire. The man has invited himself, his wife and son to spend two weeks at the Abbey, heavily hinting that it was not fair on little Patrick who came before Matthew in the line of succession, that Matthew spent so much more time at Downton. Patrick doubts very much that this will ever become important, but even if it did, what did it matter if a parentless cousin of theirs spent a few years of his childhood at Downton? Matthew will be sent to school as soon as possible. He is sure that Robert is not intending to let the boy stay at the Abbey permanently for longer than a few years. Matthew will then go to school, and they will ensure that his education will enable to possible become the land agent one day. That is all there is to it.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Again a chapter I am not completely sure about, but I somehow have lost my confidence in writing. I hope that it will come back soon :)

Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews on the last chapter, I am grateful for everyone of them.

I hope you all have a great Sunday!

Kat

P.S.: There are two more stories in my head, one is a Cora/Robert story set in Series 5 and 6, the other one a Mary/Matthew story set in Series 1 and 2. Those will both be multi-chapter stories, but before I start writing them I'd like to write a few one or two shots and I've been thinking about going back to either the _Sentimental Haste_ or the _That American Girl_ universe for that. Is there anything that anyone would like to read (if you still remember those stories if you were kind enough to read them in the first place)? I am definitely open for suggestions and prompts. .

* * *

June-August 1890

.

 _James_

.

Downton Abbey. A house, an estate he thinks that should be his. If his uncle Patrick hadn't survived measles as a child, it would be his. Or it would eventually be his. He doesn't think his father would have been a much better earl than his uncle is, but he himself would certainly be a much better earl than Robert who will inherit it all. Robert is a mild-mannered fool, too nice to the tenants, too soft on the servants. James is afraid that the estate will be lost, Robert after all only married that American dollar princess to save it and he is afraid that it will now be Robert who loses it instead of Patrick. How can such a kind-hearted fool and an American idiot run an estate and a house like Downton?

He hopes to God that they won't ever have a son and that he or at least his own son Patrick will follow Robert as the earl. Maybe Robert will die in some stupid war. There always seems to be a war around the corner and Robert is of course too honorable to not fight for his country. It would be so lovely to kick that horrible American out the door. He has only met her once, at the wedding, but the way she spoke to that upstart orphan Matthew and the way she smiled at Robert made his insides churn.

He'd feel sorry for Robert if he didn't hate him so much. His own wife Catherine who for some reason to do with a romance novel written by a love sick woman named Austin or Ousten wants to be called Kitty, isn't much better than that American dollar princess. But at least she is English. She is responsible for raising Patrick but won't be so for much longer because the boy is becoming too soft. He found him in Kitty's bed the other night and does not think that there is any reason for a boy to sleep in his mother's bed. He certainly never did that.

They are greeted by a full complement, as they should be and are then shown into the library for tea. Matthew is brought down after tea and James cannot believe what he sees. Not only Robert but also that horrible American seems to treat Matthew like a son. The boy sits between them and shows them a drawing, explaining that the ugly stick figures on it are supposed to be cricket players. Both Robert and Cora seem genuinely interested and he cannot understand why they care so much about a little boy they are only distantly related to. When Robert and Cora arrive just in time for dinner they say that they had promised to say goodnight to Matthew. His own son is only half a year younger than Matthew and he has never said goodnight to him. He doesn't know why that would be important.

.

 _Patrick_

.

"Robert and Cora are very attached to Matthew," James says to him and he immediately wonders about his nephew's agenda.

"They like him very much, yes." He does not want to agree with James although he is sure that both Robert and Cora love Matthew like a son. He does not know whether to applaud or admonish them for it and he wonders what will happen to Matthew once Robert and Cora have their own son.

"I think they like him too much," James replies and has now caught his attention.

"Why do you think so?"

"He is not their son, is he? Should they ever have a son of their own, what will happen then? Would that son always be treated like a second son because of a distant cousin? Wouldn't Matthew become jealous because he is not the heir? Aren't Robert and Cora leading him to expect things he can't expect? Matthew will not always live like this." Patrick cannot deny that James has hit a nerve. He has considered all those things before and the last thing they need at Downton Abbey is two warring boys.

"What do you propose to do then?" he asks James. He has mulled this question over in his head a few times already but has come to no sensible conclusion.

"There must be schools in London who take boys like Matthew." Patrick has thought about this too but he is not sure about it, Matthew is still so very young and has already lost both his parents.

"Isn't Matthew too young?"

"Who cares about that? He'll get used it. He got used to his parents being dead, didn't he? Children are good at adapting."

James has a point; he can't deny it, even if it is a cruel one. And wouldn't it be better to make it clear to Matthew that he is not really Robert's son? That he will never inherit? Who knows what the boy will expect.

"I'll think about it," he says to James.

.

A day later, Patrick watches Robert returning from a walk with Matthew. It is obvious that Matthew admires Robert very much. He wishes not for the first time that Matthew really was Robert's son. There would be no question regarding Matthew's expectation. And he could finally allow himself to think of Matthew as his grandson. It is becoming harder for him every day not to let the boy capture his heart. He wants to tell Robert that he is a good father and he wants to take that little boy on walks and look at his drawings. He wants to play cricket with both Robert and Matthew. But he can't. His position, his social role forbid it. He didn't even play cricket with Robert until the boy was old enough to play for the house team and then it was only during the match. Robert of course had to learn from a tutor and only from a tutor. The first steps may have been shown to him by a footman or maybe the butler but he needed proper training. Patrick sees in Robert and Matthew now what a strong bond between a father and his son can do and he sees in James and his son what happens when there is hardly any bond. Little Patrick does not seem to know James very well and James does not care about Patrick. He even said that the boy would not become important to him for the next few years.

"You are lost in deep thoughts." He looks to his left and sees Violet standing next to him. His first impulse is to say 'yes, I am' and leave the room. But he has the feeling that things are changing between Violet and him and although he does not know what they might change into, he does not want to ruin it.

"James thinks Matthew should be sent to school now."

"And you agree."

"I don't know. James thinks that Robert and Cora are raising expectations in Matthew that can't be fulfilled."

"James thinks that if Robert and Cora don't have a son he and Patrick will be the heirs. He is afraid that Robert could try to smash the entail in Matthew's favor."

He turns towards Violet and sees that this was not a joke. "Are you sure?" he asks her.

"Yes. James thinks that he would be a better earl than Robert will be. He has always thought that Robert is too mild-mannered, too nice, too kind and his behavior towards Matthew has only strengthened that belief."

"Do you think that Robert is too nice and too kind?" Robert had already been very nice and kind as a child. They did not get a single letter from Eton telling them that Robert had been unkind or beaten someone up. He always did his homework, his grades were always good, and when he was older he apparently never joined his classmates when they went on various forbidden trips. Of course he does not know whether that is actually true, he may very well have gone and just been smart enough not to be discovered.

"No," Violet answers. "It is who Robert is and it makes him popular with the tenants and the staff. You see how loyal Carson and the cook are to him. And so are Rosamund and Cora."

"So you think that Cora is loyal to Robert?"

"Yes. She supports him, stands beside him and is, I believe, a great source of comfort to Robert."

"She is also his best friend," he says. He has heard Robert and Cora talk about things he would never talk about with Violet. All they ever talk about, if they talk at all, are the estate and their children. But just two days ago he overheard Robert telling Cora about a letter that Robert had received from an old classmate whose father had died and left an estate in a horrible condition to him. Robert and Cora talked about the matter then and Robert mentioned his own fears for Downton and listened to what Cora had to say. It had made Patrick glad that they had, in the end, allowed Robert to marry Cora.

"Yes. He is her best friend as well. They have been married for only six months but are already able to have a conversation across a room full of people by just looking at each other."

"I've noticed," he says, turns to Violet and smiles at her. To his utter surprise she smiles back at him. "Do you think that we should admonish them for it? Their behavior is not always very dignified."

"No Patrick, we should not admonish them for it. Not yet at least. We should let them find out that they are in love with each other first. Then we can admonish them and tell them their behavior is unfitting for their station. They will of course ignore it, arguing that their love is more important than social rules."

It makes him shake with laughter. Violet looks at him with raised eyebrows and a small smile playing around her lips. For what is probably the first time in his life he thinks that she looks lovely and on impulse more than anything else, he leans down and gives her a kiss on the cheek.

.

 _Robert_

.

He opens the door to the library because he wants to tell his father that he has to send James away. Or at the very least talk to him. Apparently James told Matthew that he was only allowed to stay at Downton because Robert did not have a son of his own yet and that as soon as there was a boy Matthew would be send away. Matthew said that James came into the nursery that morning to tell Matthew all of this and it makes Robert furious. It took him half an hour to convince Matthew that what James said wasn't true, that he wasn't just a substitute for a yet unborn boy. Of course, Matthew would never inherit and Robert sometimes worries that there might come a point in time at which Matthew may be unwilling to understand why he has to be put to the side lines when it comes to the succession but that is matter to be dealt with at some point in the future.

"Papa," he wants to say but the word gets stuck in his throat when he sees his father giving his mother a kiss on the cheek and then looking into her eyes. He turns around and leaves the library as fast as he can. He needs to find Rosamund, he needs to tell her this and while he remembers that Rosamund now lives in London he runs headlong into Cora.

"Robert," she says, moving slightly away from him.

"Sorry," he mumbles. "I wish you were Rosamund," he says and Cora looks for a moment as if she was about to slap him and then breaks into laughter.

"What?"

"I need to talk to Rosamund. Now."

"Well, you can't. She is in London. But you can talk to me."

"My parents are in the library, kissing."

"Each other?"

"No. They each have a lover in there."

"Robert," Cora says and he looks at her and sees both mirth and worry mingle in her face.

"They weren't really kissing. But close to it. I have never seen them like that and I always thought it wouldn't matter to me. But now that I am married it suddenly does matter to me. I want them to be as happy as I am. I have to write a letter to Rosamund now. I am sorry darling."

.

 _Cora_

.

She feels Robert kiss her cheek and then watches him almost run towards his room. He looks like a little boy who wants to tell his parents about his first horseback ride. 'He is such a sweet man,' she thinks and only then realizes that he called her darling. It was probably just out of joy, his emotional state seemed a little out of control. But nevertheless, it slipped out. And while she thinks about it, she realizes how very happy it makes her that he did call her 'darling'. Robert is right she thinks, they are happily married. All that is missing is love and she is almost sure that they will eventually find it. While she thinks about this, for the second time within the space of mere minutes someone runs into her.

This time it is her father-in-law who only looks at her and mumbles an apology he probably doesn't even know he is giving. The English habit of apologizing for everything does have its advantages. It makes apologizing easy.

When her mother-in-law doesn't follow she decides to go into the library and finds her there in front of the French doors, looking outside, watching the rain that has begun to set in.

"Mama," she says and her mother-in-law turns towards her. She looks as if she was about to cry and Cora briefly wonders if she should stop Robert from writing his letter to Rosamund but decides that her mother-in-law probably needs her more right now than her husband does.

"How are you?" she asks. She wouldn't have been surprised if she had been brushed off but she isn't. Her mother-in-law turns to look outside the window again and in quite a shaky voice says "After 24 years of marriage I have realized that I like my husband. It has knocked the wind out of me."

.

 _Violet_

.

She looks at her daughter-in-law and thinks that the girl is probably hiding a smile. She regrets telling her about her recent epiphany immediately but she couldn't help it. When Patrick broke into laughter at something she said, something she did not even think particularly clever and then leaned down and she felt his lips on her cheek, she thought her world had suddenly begun to spin into a different direction. He looked into her eyes afterwards and she wanted to kiss him back, to really kiss him but Patrick mumbled some apology and walked off. But for some reason she is sure, quite sure, that she won't spend the following night alone in her room.

"That would knock the wind out of anyone," Cora says and then doesn't hide her smile anymore.

"I am afraid I have wasted 24 years," she says and again regrets saying it right away. Her innermost thoughts are none of Cora's business.

"I don't think you have wasted those years. Something must have changed between the two of you recently and you made use of it. Don't look at the past as something to regret. Look at the future as something to enjoy."

"That is a very American approach." Cora laughs at this and shakes her head.

"Maybe it is. But it is what Elizabeth Bennett would have said," the girl answers and then turns to look outside the window herself. She looks at Cora's profile and for the first time realizes how beautiful Cora really is. She understands that many men were interested in her although Robert seems to have been the only one with any serious ambition and she is glad about it. She doubts that Robert could have found a better wife.

"Don't be a simpleton," she says with a slight smile she can't hide and true to what she expected Cora understands what she means.

"I won't be. And neither will Robert be. We've already realized that we like each other after all," Cora says and smiles a very dreamy smile. She wants to say something but the library door opens and she can hear James yelling "This cannot go on, Robert. You cannot treat Matthew as if he was your own son. Uncle Patrick, you must tell him that he can't." She turns around and sees a furious James, an even more furious Robert and a completely helpless Patrick. She gives him an encouraging smile and he rolls his eyes in reply. She has no idea what it means.

"I can very well decide for myself whether I am treating Matthew as he should be treated. I do not need my father or you to tell me that."

"Maybe you should listen to what your father has to say because I think he agrees with me."

Patrick looks at her in that moment and she shakes her head.

"No James, I do not agree with you. It is Robert's decision what to do with Matthew. The boy is in his care. Not in mine and certainly not in yours."

"Which is something to be thankful for," Robert says and looks at James challengingly.

"To be thankful for? If the boy was in my care, I'd send him off to school tomorrow." Understanding dawns on Cora's face and Violet knows that Cora is now aware of the fact that James thinks that Matthew has to leave Downton. The soft look that always seems to appear on Cora's face as soon as she looks at Robert vanishes and is replaced by a fiery look she has never seen before but makes her think that Cora is certainly a force to be reckoned with.

"No son of mine is being sent to school so young. I don't mind Matthew going to Eton later on, I even think he should go there but he is certainly not going anywhere right now," Cora says to James and the icy look she throws her cousin by marriage is a complete contrast to the look full of love and devotion that has appeared on Robert's face.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Thank you very much for all the reviews on the last chapter! I am really glad so many of you like this story. I am having a lot of fun writing it.

I usually write down the plot and from whose perspective I want to write what before I start writing the actual story. I did that for this story as well, but somehow the Violet/Patrick plot has taken a mind of its own. I did not want it to be so elaborate, but somehow it turned into almost a major plot line in this story. I hope you don't mind.

Also thank you to all those of you who said that they would love to see something from either the _Sentimental Haste_ or the _That American Girl_ universe. It made me really happy to read that you like those universes.

Anyway, that is probably enough of my rambling. Hope you all have a great Sunday!

Kat

P.S.: Kitty is James' wife. Just to avoid confusion :)

* * *

August 1890 - November 1890

 _Robert_

.

She looks lovely. Of course he has always thought her beautiful but she looks different to him now. With just one sentence she has turned from being his wife into being his wife and the mother of his son. A son who he brought into the marriage, a son she loves nonetheless. He sees her in a different light now. He always knew she was kind and had a heart of gold but now those qualities overshadow everything else. All he sees is kindness and love in her face and body language and he wants to hug her and never let go of her again.

"Hello Robert," she says when she notices him and he feels as if he was falling.

"Cora," he says and smiles what he hopes is a very nice smile. "Did you mean it?" he can't help asking.

"Did I mean what?"

"When you called Matthew your son."

She smiles at him and walks towards him a little.

"Yes. How could I not? He sleeps in our bed at least once a week."

"Does it bother you?"

"No. He has nightmares. What else should a four year old boy do but go to his parents?"

He can't stop himself now. He takes her face between his hands and kisses her.

"Oh my darling," he says and she rewards him with putting her hands into his hair.

"Robert," she whispers and he feels her shiver under his touch.

He has never wanted her as much as he wants her now and she obviously feels the same. They get lost in each other more than ever before and he has never felt so close to anyone as he feels to Cora in these moments.

She kisses him afterwards and looks deeply into his eyes. "Robert, I," she says, shakes her head and then says "that was amazing". He nods in agreement, kisses her forehead and lets his hands run over her hair.

"We have to talk about Matthew a little more," he says and she nods, turns a little and nestles into his arms.

"Cora, I think we have to make a decision. We can fully accept him as our son, with everything that comes with it. Or we keep in mind that he is not really ours." Cora has now started to very gently rake his chest and he has started to play with her hair. It makes him feel at home.

"I don't think it will be possible to pretend that he isn't really ours."

"Pretend that he isn't ours," he says and laughs. "Oh Cora, you have a way of saying like it is. We really would have to pretend because he really has become our son."

"Yes," she says and kisses him again.

He does not want to ruin the moment, but there is something nagging at the back on his mind, and he can't fight against it.

"But he cannot inherit. He is not my son in any legal way, we need another son. One that is legally ours."

"I know," Cora says.

He shouldn't say it, he doesn't want to say it, he is sure he is going to hurt her but he has been worried about this for a few weeks.

"Cora, we need a child," he says earnestly. He doesn't really understand why it hasn't worked yet, they have been married for seven months and been rather active in the bedroom.

Cora now rakes his head and again looks deeply into his eyes. Her pale blue sapphire eyes are shining like diamonds and he thinks that it might be tears that are shining in them.

"Would you like another child?" He has never thought about whether he would like to have children. Having children is not a matter of choice to him because of the succession. And Matthew just came to him and he couldn't resist him.

"Would you like a baby, Robert?" Cora asks and he imagines himself holding a tiny bundle in his arms and can't stop himself from grinning.

"I would like that very much. It would make me very happy."

Cora smiles at this and then says

"You are about to be very happy then."

"What?"

"I am pregnant, Robert."

"What?" he asks again and she rakes his head one more time.

"We are going to have a baby."

"When?"

"In January I think." He doesn't know what to say. This is not what he expected. He thought that he and Cora would have a bit of a fight about this, with her telling him that there was nothing to be done but to wait and him trying to make to clear to her how important an heir was. And now they are having a baby. A real baby. There will be another child in their lives, in their _life_ for it has just become a joined life rather than two separate ones.

"I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am," he says to her and there are tears running down Cora's face now.

"Let's keep it to ourselves for a few days."

"Yes," he says. He understands why she wants to keep it a secret. As soon as they announce it, it won't be about them having a baby anymore, it will be about the possible heir. His parents will both hold long speeches about how important it is that the child is a boy and he will have to tell them that there is no way they could influence the gender of the child.

"What if it is a girl?" Cora asks and he imagines himself holding a daughter.

"Then I will turn into a very protective father of a wonderful little princess. The young men trying to catch her attention had better be careful."

Cora laughs at this, kisses him full on the lips and says "Robert. You are the most wonderful man I know." He pulls her close to him and a wave of happiness he has never felt before washes over him. 'How very lucky I am' he thinks.

.

 _Kitty_

.

"James," she says when she enters his room. She hates going to his room, especially at night. Especially if they aren't home. They have a maid at home who she is sure spends most nights in James' room and she is very thankful to her. She does not like her, the maid is arrogant and mean and thinks far too much of herself but that makes her the perfect mistress for James. James having a mistress means that she won't have to satisfy his needs. Not unless they are away. James often remembers that he has a wife when they aren't home and he wants to take a woman to bed. She hates those nights.

She was relieved when she was told that Patrick would be an only child because James does not really have a reason to come to her anymore and she can spend all her time and energy on Patrick, and trying to ensure that their little boy will not be like his father.

He looks up at her. "What do you want?"

"I only wanted to rask you to not be too unkind to Robert and Cora."

"I am not unkind."

"Yes you are. You cannot tell them what to do with their little boy."

James rounds on her with fury in his eyes.

"But he isn't their little boy. Don't you see? If they are both attached to Matthew and never have a son of their own, they will try to jump Patrick and myself in the line of succession."

"They can't James. And they know that as well as we do." She has always thought that James puts too much store into being Robert's heir. He won't inherit unless Robert dies first without having fathered a son and that is a very unlikely scenario.

"You are just too dumb to think along those lines. But this American, who knows what she has got in store. She bought the title after all. Such a disgraceful reason to marry."

"At least there is a chance of love for them," she says and James looks at her.

"You must be joking. Not even such a kind-hearted fool as Robert would fall for an American dollar princess." She sighs and makes to leave the room, she has said what she wanted to say.

When she closes the door behind her she is glad that James did not want her to stay. It is always hard for her to be with him but today it would have especially hard she thinks, after having seen Robert look at Cora in the most loving manner she has ever seen on anyone's face.

.

 _Violet_

.

She is surprised the door does not creak when Patrick opens it. She can't remember the last time Patrick used it and wants to ask him whether he has had it oiled but keeps her tongue in check for once.

"How are you?" he asks her and again she has to bite her tongue. She almost asked how much time exactly he was spending with their American daughter-in-law.

"I don't mind you coming in here," she says instead and hopes that it will make Patrick feel more at ease. He looks very forlorn, as if he didn't really know what to do with himself.

He sits down on the chair in front of her vanity and starts to play with a necklace her maid left there.

"It was very nice of Cora to say that Matthew was her son," he starts and she nods.

"Yes. She showed real support of Robert today."

"Was it only support? I thought she meant it."

"So did I." Patrick smiles at this.

"We were very lucky with our daughter-in-law. I think she makes Robert very happy."

"Yes," is all that she can say. Patrick now gets up and sits down on the edge of the bed, right next to her.

"I am glad he is about to find love," Patrick says and takes her hands.

Again "yes" is all she can say. She doesn't really know what to do. Patrick being so close is making her nervous, though not uncomfortable.

"They will be very happily married," Patrick says and stares at the floor. She has to jump the gun now, she cannot stand it anymore, the pressure and the tension in the room are tearing her apart.

"I believe there are different kinds of happy marriage," she says and when Patrick lifts his head she thinks there are tears in his eyes.

"Are there? Isn't all-encompassing love a prerequisite for that?" She shakes her head. If that was true Patrick and she would be a lost cause. There is no all-encompassing love between them and there never will be. But they do like each other, she has become sure of that. Almost sure.

"Patrick, do you like me?"

"Like?"

"Do you like me the way you like a friend?" Patrick seems to consider his answer for a moment but then says "Yes. I believe I do."

"Do you trust me? Would you tell me a secret or talk to me about something you would talk to no one else about or maybe just Robert or Rosamund?"

"Yes. I know I can trust you in most things." She sees the disappointment in his face and not for the first time does it cause her to think that maybe Patrick knows about Prince Kuragin. Although what Patrick would have to complain about she doesn't know, he has had mistresses for all 25 years of their marriage. He never wanted to run away with one though. Maybe that is it.

"The only thing you do not trust me with is something I cannot trust you with either. But there is a very easy solution, isn't there? Let's just do away with the mistresses and the lovers and the secret nights in London."

"Robert hasn't laid eyes on another woman since the day he met Cora. I believe she is the only woman he ever,"

"Don't continue that Patrick, I don't want to know and it is nothing that we can imitate. But we can give us a chance. A chance at being happy. Not as happy as Robert and Cora will be, but more than just reasonably happy."

Patrick still looks as if he was doubting her words and so she continues and does away with all pretense now because she has a feeling that Patrick needs her to be straight forward now.

"Patrick, if we just slept with each other instead with other people we continuously have to hide from one another, we could trust each other completely."

"How do you know that?" Patrick asks and she wants to ask him if one of his mistresses mattered so much to him that he did not want to give her up. But she cannot destroy this moment, if she did that, she'd completely ruin their marriage.

"I don't know that. But how do we know whether I am right if we don't try?"

"Let's give it half a year then. If it works we'll continue and if it doesn't we go back to what we were." She nods. It is not exactly what she wanted, but Patrick is probably right. They need a way out.

"Yes," she says and before she can continue, Patrick has started to kiss her in a manner he has never kissed her before and does things to her no one has ever done to her before, not in that manner. She knows that if she wants this to be successful she has to let go, just as Patrick apparently did and she loses all sense of what she is doing but she knows what she is feeling and it is a very urgent need for her husband.

"Violet?" he asks a while later and all she can say is "hm?" because she is too exhausted to say anything else.

"I think we have to trust each other now. Especially in this. Because if we don't, I will never be able to look into your eyes again after what we've done tonight."

She chuckles and then says "stay please". Apparently she isn't able to form a whole sentence anymore.

"Yes," Patrick says and lies down on the bed. They don't fall asleep in each other's arms, they don't fall asleep holding hands, but when they wake up the next morning, facing away from each other, they both turn as if pulled by some magic band and look into each other's eyes.

"I think it was a good idea," Patrick says and she nods. "Yes. I think it was."

.

 _Robert_

.

"We have to tell Matthew about the baby." They have kept it a secret from him for too long he thinks but they are both afraid that Matthew will not be happy, that it will be very difficult for him.

"I know. I just wish I knew how to tell him." Cora is just as worried as he is and it is not helpful.

"Let's do it tonight then."

So when Matthew is tucked in bed that night they both sit down on the edge of his bed.

"There is something we have to tell you," Cora says as gently as possible and Matthew looks scared. He wonders if Cora should have picked a different start to this difficult conversation but he can't think of one.

"Are you sending me to school? Cousin James thinks I should go to school." It almost feels like dagger in his heart. His poor son is always so afraid of being sent away and he still doesn't completely trust them.

"No my boy," he says and smiles at Matthew. He then nods at Cora and she takes one of Matthew's hands.

"Matthew, your Papa and I are going to have a baby."

"A baby?" Matthew asks in wonder.

"Yes," he says and gently touches Matthew's hair.

"Will you still love me?" Matthew asks with wide eyes full of both fear and excitement.

"Of course we will," Cora says and Matthew nods.

"If it is a boy, I'll teach him cricket. And if it is a girl, I'll protect her from evil men. I promise," Matthew says very seriously and looks at them from under his blanket.

"That would be very nice of you," Cora tells him and gives the boy a kiss on the forehead. "And I am very proud of you for being such a kind person. You are wonderful boy."

Matthew's face breaks into a smile at this and then he says "I am happy. I won't be the youngest anymore." It makes both Cora and him chuckle and he understands Matthew reasoning. For most of his childhood he hated being the youngest member of the family. He was always so jealous of Rosamund who was allowed to do things he was not allowed to do. And he never needed to protect her from 'evil men', she always protected herself.

Cora and he leave Matthew's room holding hands, relief washing over them. They don't let go off each other before they reach the drawing room. He likes holding Cora's hand and she seems to like it too. It isn't strictly proper but it is still a form of intimacy they can display without being criticized by his mother. Although she has become more lenient with them, she hasn't complained about him sleeping in his wife's room for several weeks. Cora thinks that something must have happened between his parents and he thinks so too although he doesn't know what.

When they enter the drawing he sees his father leaning against the piano and his mother sitting on one of the sofas quite comfortably for a second. His parents are obviously talking about something cheerful as they are both chuckling a bit. But as soon as they realize that Cora and he have walked into the room, his father stands up straight and his mother suddenly sits on the sofa as prim and proper as humanly possible.

Later that night, when they are in bed, holding hands and lying quite close to each other, Cora says

"I think your parents have changed their relationship. They are much more relaxed with one another."

"Yes. They talk to each other without trying to hurt the other's feelings. It is very unusual for them. And it makes living with them a lot easier."

"My parents are the opposite of what your parents were. They have always loved each other."

"That must have been very nice," he says and can't stop himself from gently putting a lose strand of hair back behind her ear, something that makes Cora smile a beautiful soft smile and lets a shiver run done his spine in return.

"It was in a way. But it was also a bit dangerous. You know how little behaved my mother was during last year's season or how my parents were at our wedding. But that was nothing compared to how they were at home. It felt normal when we still lived in our modest family home in Cincinnati. We only had two servants, a cook and a maid and we lived a middle class life. Upper middle class probably, but it was all very cozy. Harold and I were used to seeing our parents holding hands or sitting next to each other and sometimes even giving each other fleeting kisses. I think it gave us a feeling of security. But as soon as we moved into that big house in Cincinnati and later on to New York, they apparently thought that they had to stop being affectionate with each other in front of us. But it wasn't who they were and so they tried to squeeze it all in to the time they were alone. And so we sometimes walked in on them really kissing. Or doing other things."

"Other things?" he asks. He cannot believe that. Not even Isidore and Martha Levinson would let themselves be caught by their own children.

"It happened to me only once. After that I was careful to make a lot of noise each time before entering a room they were in by themselves. Harold did not take such precautions and paid the price. At least that is what he claims." He feels sorry for both Harold and Cora and has to shake himself free of mental image of his own parents he wishes never to see in reality.

"Your brother is a bit of fool then," he says and Cora smiles at him again.

"Almost like you then," she says and touches his face. He knows she doesn't think he is a fool, she just said it to tease him. He hated being teased by anyone but Rosamund which he was able to accept because he could always tease her back. Rosamund likes to make fun of other people but she can take a joke too. It is different with Cora though, her teasing is more gentle, more loving.

"What is the difference between your brother and me then?"

"Well, my brother is just _a_ fool, but you are _my_ fool." He laughs at this and both Cora and he lean forward to kiss and then without thinking about it he says

"I love you." He is surprised by his own words but knows they are true as soon as he has said them. Cora halts in her movement, looks at him in utter astonishment and asks

"What?"

* * *

AN: Just a word on the pregnancy: If we go by the Feb 16th 1890 wedding date for Robert and Cora, which I am doing in this story, and we also accept that Mary was 21 in April 1912 (which it said in the press pack for Series 1), then Cora must have fallen pregnant rather early, so this does not really tie in with the 'it takes them two years to conceive Mary' canon (which would be correct if Robert and Cora had gotten married in 1888 which could be true as Violet says to Robert "24 years ago you married Cora against my wishes" in 1.01 which was of course set in 1912).

I chose the Feb 1890 wedding date for this story because it ties in better with Matthew's age.

Please let me know what you think about this chapter!

Kat


	11. Chapter 11

November 1890 – April 1891

Cora

.

She cannot believe it so she needs to ask "What?" just to make sure, absolutely sure, that she hasn't misheard.

"I love you," Robert says again and smiles at her. It makes her cry. She had known for a few weeks, months probably, that love was just around the corner for Robert and her, that they would just need to take the final plunge into the ocean of a marriage with love at its roots. But she would never have thought for that to happen so soon or that Robert would be the first one to jump. Or fall. He probably fell in to the ocean just as he fell in love with her. She doubts that Robert told himself that he would have to fall in love with her, he just let it happen.

"Robert, I, that is wonderful to hear," she says and for a very tiny moment there is disappointment flickering across his face. But he smiles at her and says

"I am glad to hear that. May I kiss you?"

"Yes, my darling," she answers and the smile that appears on Robert's face is priceless. He leans towards her and she expects a passionate kiss that indicates that he wants more but it isn't like that. It is a very sweet kiss, a kiss that says 'I really do love you' and maybe begs for her to say it back. She wishes she could tell Robert not to worry, that she will say it back soon but she doesn't know how to phrase it. As if he was sensing her discomfort, he stops kissing her, leans slightly away from her, looks into her eyes and says "Don't worry darling if you are not ready to say it back, then just don't. I only realized how I felt for you when I said it."

She nods and smiles what she hopes is a smile that will tell him that she does love him but is afraid to say it at the moment. He leans forward again and kisses her, this time with passion. She gives in for a moment, the thought of making love, really _making love_ , overwhelming everything else. But then she remembers that both doors to her room are unlocked.

"Robert," she says, trying to stop him for a moment. "We have to lock the doors, otherwise we might scar Matthew for life."

"Right," Robert says, climbs of the bed, locks the doors and rejoins her.

"Are you sure you are comfortable with this though?" he asks and for a moment she wonders what she means until she feels Robert put his hand on her swollen abdomen and the baby kicking in reply.

"Yes. Maybe we shouldn't do it in the most traditional position though." Robert laughs at this and says

"Well, there is more than one way and we both know it." She has to laugh too and kisses him. They really do know that. She wouldn't call themselves adventurous, not by her brother's standards at least but there is variety. Robert pulls her on top of him then and she is glad for his help. She may still be able to hide her pregnancy belly under layers and layers of clothes during the day but it is in her way, especially in bed.

.

Robert

.

After he has pulled her on top of him, he sensed that she needed his help, he begins to kiss her more passionately and to touch her in places he knows she enjoys. She begins to moan and puts her hands into his hair. He almost rolls them over but remembers that that would not be a good idea just in time.

They undress each other rather quickly and just before he thinks that he can't wait much longer, Cora says 'good god Robert, I love you too'. He is sure she said so unconsciously because she only stops moving once the words have already been said but then she looks into his eyes with a smile on her lips and says

"It appears I am ready."

He knows she meant that she was ready to tell him that she loves him but he also takes it as a sign for him to continue what he was just about to do.

"I didn't think that I could ever be this happy," Cora says when she puts her head on his shoulder and an arm around his waist a few minutes or maybe a few hours later.

"No," he says. "And you have no idea how glad I am that I married you. How very happy you make me."

"I think I do have an idea, my darling," she says and then falls asleep. He would have liked to talk to her a little longer but he knows that the pregnancy is wearing on her and he does not want her to tire herself out.

"Sleep well my darling," he says and kisses her forehead before nodding off himself.

.

Patrick

.

He is looking for his daughter and his wife as he wants to ask them whether it was really necessary to have 25 bouquets of flowers that are supposed to look like Christmas in the entrance hall, especially if Cora grows green with sickness every time she walks past them.

He already thinks the smell almost unbearable and it must be even worse for a pregnant woman. But when he is in front of the library door he hears his wife's voice and what she says makes him stop in his tracks.

"But you already knew that it was impossible."

"But wasn't I allowed to hope?"

"Hope is a treacherous drug. It might make you feel better for a time and it will make you feel worse for a much longer time."

"Can't you just feel sorry for me?" Rosamund almost yells this and he thinks about entering the room but thinks better of it. This is probably something he should not be involved in.

"Rosamund," Violet starts but their daughter who must have gotten up interrupts her mother and continues

"Of course you don't feel sorry for me because it does not matter to you whether I have children. It is only important to you that Robert produces an heir and spare and that is it."

"Rosamund, that is not true. I know you would like to have children and of course I feel sorry for you. Very sorry. You may not believe it but I want you happy."

"You lie. You think it doesn't matter because I did not marry some grant earl or duke or prince or king. I don't need to produce and heir and so you don't care." Again he wonders if he should intervene but again he stops himself. He hears Violet get up and then hears muffled sounds of crying. He peers around the door and sees that Rosamund has now buried her head into her mother's shoulder and that Violet is holding onto their little girl quite tightly.

"Rosamund," she says. "That is not true and you know it isn't. I am very sorry for you and of course I would have liked you to have children. Your Papa and I are quite looking forward to being grandparents. A little girl exactly like you but only wreaking havoc in this house from time to time would have been a dream come true."

Rosamund now moves away from her mother, dries her tears and tries to look composed.

"I know it can't be easy seeing Cora almost nine months pregnant when that is all you want as well and you know that you can never have it. But try to rejoice in being an aunt. You will be a favorite one."

"I will be the only one."

"And even more beloved for that."

"Maybe," Rosamund says and chuckles. "Thank you Mama," she says and then leaves the library through the other door.

"Regardless what you think of yourself, you have a very kind heart."

"Do I?" Violet asks and turns towards him. He puts his arms around her and tucks her head under his chin. "Yes you do. There may not be many people who know this, but I do." Violet laughs at this a bit and then moves away from him.

"Someone could walk in."

"Who?"

"The children. Or worse, one of the servants."

"Heavens be damned if one of our servants saw us holding on to each other." Violet rolls her eyes at this and says

"Servants talk."

"Yes, they do. Half of London knows that I haven't got a mistress anymore." This makes Violet laugh one of her characteristically dry laughs and despite her squirming away from him, he manages to place a soft kiss on her cheek which she answers with a smile.

"No one came in," he says, sits down on the sofa and begins to read the newspaper. And forgets what he originally wanted.

.

Matthew

.

His Papa's father has played with him for a long time now. He knows that his Mama and Papa have no time. The baby is coming. His Papa is somewhere in the house with Uncle Marmaduke and his Mama is sick and he is not allowed to go to her. He hates the new baby. It wasn't supposed to make his Mama sick.

"Matthew?"

"Yes, Lord Granam?" he asks and the old man laughs.

"Oh Matthew, it is Grantham. But just call me Grandpapa. The new baby will call me that, so why shouldn't you?"

He nods. So he has a Grandpapa now. He likes that. But he does not want to share him with the baby that made his Mama sick. He is afraid that his Mama will die. Just like his mother did.

"I am afraid that Mama will die," he says and his Grandpapa looks at him.

"She won't die Matthew."

He shakes his head. Nobody told him that his mother and father would die but they are dead.

"Where is Granny?" he asks.

"She is with your Mama."

"Why?"

"Because your Mama may need help."

"Why can't Papa help her?"

"Because your Papa is a man and men know nothing about having babies."

"My father knew everything about it. He was a Doctor." That is what his Mama said.

"Your father was very special." His Papa is special too but maybe in a different way.

.

"It's a girl and they are both well," his granny says when she opens the door only a moment later. His Grandpapa frowns for a second but then gets up, kisses his Granny on the cheek and says

"Congratulations. You are a grandmother."

He thinks this is very unfair and so he turns around and says

"But you already are a grandmother, you have me."

His Granny laughs and says

"Of course. But the new baby is a girl. So now I have a grandson and a granddaughter. Isn't that nice?"

"No!" he says and leaves the room.

He runs upstairs and he can hear his Grandpapa follow him and call out "Matthew!" but he doesn't care. He wants to see his Mama and tell her that the new baby is horrible. It made her sick. Without knocking he opens the door to his Mama's room and there are his parents, sitting on the bed, looking at the baby. They don't even notice him.

"I hate babies," he screams, and turns around to run away forever but is stopped by his Grandpapa's legs before he has even left the room. His Grandpapa catches him and says "Matthew, please."

.

Cora

.

She only shakes her head at Matthew, but she knows that Robert was hurt by Matthew's comment.

"I am sorry," her father-in-law now says. "I did not want to come in here without knocking, but I thought I should probably catch the little rascal before he could do any harm."

Matthew tries to struggle free but Patrick is holding him securely and tries to calm him down, something that surprises Cora quite a lot. Matthew and Patrick are now whispering and Patrick then carries Matthew over to the bed.

"Look at your little sister," Robert says and Matthew looks at Mary very critically.

"She is very ugly. And she is not my sister," he says and Robert wants to round on Matthew but she takes his hand and shakes her head. She is sure that Matthew will eventually change his mind about those things.

"Matthew, let's go outside. Would you like to play cricket?" Patrick says and when Matthew nods he makes to leave but turns around at the door.

"Congratulations. She is a lovely girl," and then really leaves.

"I am so sorry Cora," Robert starts but she only shakes her head.

"Don't be. It isn't unexpected. Of course Matthew hates her at the moment. She is taking our attention away from him. And I think that to everyone but the parents and maybe the grandparents, newborn babies usually look rather ugly."

It makes Robert chuckle and then he looks at Mary again.

"To me she is one of two most beautiful women in the world." Robert then leans forward and places a kiss on their daughters head. Mary opens her eyes and looks at him as if she was asking why he woke her.

"I am sorry for waking you, my darling girl," Robert says and gently touches Mary's face, who at her father's touch closes her eyes again.

"She loves you already."

Robert smiles at that and then turns his attention to her.

"Cora, I love you," he says. "Thank you for everything. You've made me so very happy. I never thought I could be this happy. It wasn't what I expected, I thought I'd be content in a marriage with you, I thought we would be friends. I wasn't expecting us to fall in love but I am so very glad that we did."

It makes her cry. It is probably the fact that she just had a baby, but it makes her cry and she can't stop. Robert puts an arm around her, pulls her close, kisses the top of her head and whispers

"I'll hold you as long as you need me to and if it is for the rest of our lives."

.

Robert

.

He is still in a daze hours later. He can't believe that he has a daughter. A lovely, beautiful, wonderful little princess. Cora said that Mary had already wrapped him around her little finger and she was right and it does not matter to him.

"Robert," his mother says when he enters the library and looks at him expectantly.

"They are very well. But Cora was tired and so I let her sleep. The nurse is with her."

"So you are the father of a daughter." He thinks there is criticism in his mother's voice and he does not want to fight, so he says

"Yes. It is hard to believe how lucky we are isn't it? We have Matthew and now Mary, so we have got the set."

"Robert, I wasn't about to criticize you. I just wanted to tell you to take good care of that little girl. You have been given a very precious gift. Don't ruin it." He looks at his mother and he thinks that she is talking about more than Mary, he thinks that she is talking about his life. And he won't ruin, he'll do everything to keep his wife and his children happy.

"I won't Mama," he says and she nods and smiles and leaves the room.

About a minute later, Matthew comes into the room, brandishing a toy sword as if he was fighting for his life.

"Matthew what are you doing?" he asks his son while trying to not be hit by the sword.

"I need to practice to fight."

"Why?"

"I want to protect Mary." He is more than a little surprised about this. Only a short while ago, Matthew told Cora and him in no uncertain terms that Mary was not his sister and now he wants to protect her.

"She is not my sister, Papa. But she is a girl and I should protect her." He shakes his head at his son and says

"I am glad you want to protect her."

Matthew sighs and says "Well, someone has to do it," and leaves the room swinging his sword, knocking down a vase in the process. He wonders if Matthew thinks that Cora and he would not be able to protect Mary but the boy probably doesn't think that far. He rings for a footman, who sends for a maid to clean up the mess that Matthew made.

.

Violet

.

Patrick waits for her, smiling.

"I thought that you would like to join me on my walk today."

"Yes," she says and takes the arm he offers to her.

"We are grandparents now," Patrick says and she has to laugh.

"Patrick, I think we have been grandparents for quite some time. Robert and Cora are not the only Crawleys that Matthew has wrapped around his little finger."

"No, they are not."

"But?" She knows there is a 'but'. And she knows Patrick is uncomfortable to talk about it by the way his brows are slightly raised and lips are slightly lopsided.

"Don't be angry at me, please."

"I won't be angry at you," she says immediately because she swore to herself to not be angry at her husband anymore. She wants them to be happy. They will never love each other the way that Robert and Cora love each other but there is affection between them and it is growing more steadfast every day.

"Matthew cannot inherit. And neither can Mary. Violet, I wouldn't mind if Matthew was Robert's heir, he really has turned into our grandson, but he isn't."

"No. But Robert and Cora are still very young. They will have a boy."

"What if they don't? What if I die and something happens to Robert and James moves in and kicks all of you out?"

The thought of both her husband and their son dead makes her shiver inwardly and for a second she thinks about asking Patrick to never say any of those things again but he is right. They have to talk about this because one never knows what is bound to happen.

"Then Rosamund and Marmaduke will let us stay with them."

"That is not what you would like. That is not what I want for you or for Cora or Matthew or Mary."

"Or Rosamund or Marmaduke," she adds and she feels that Patrick trying to keep a chuckle at bay.

"Violet," he sighs but she thinks that there is more affection than exasperation in his voice.

"Patrick, what would you like me to do? Put on a rope, a pointed hat, wave a magic wand and let Cora and Robert have a son this time next year?"

To her very great surprise Patrick breaks into laughter at this. He then looks at her and says

"Oh Violet, you know how to make me laugh."

"That was not what I intended," she replies because it wasn't. She wanted to tell Patrick that there was nothing they could do but apparently he imagined her looking like a witch. "But as long as you are happy," she says and it comes out much softer than she wanted it to sound.

Patrick doesn't stop walking but looks at her and says "I am happy."

Neither one of them says another word but they continue to walk for quite a while and she doesn't let go off Patrick's arm. Their silence is a very comfortable one.

* * *

AN: I hope this chapter isn't too rushed.

Thank you for all the reviews on the last chapter!

Please let me know how you like this chapter and a great Sunday to all of you!

Kat


	12. Chapter 12

September 1902

.

 _Matthew_

.

He hates mathematics. He knows it is important, his father insists on it being important and he knows that he is right, but it is still very hard for him. His father might have had an easy time with it and Patrick seems to be flying through the problems but that certainly is not true for him.

He isn't jealous of Patrick though, without his best friend's help he would be in trouble. But with Patrick's help he manages to get decent grades in mathematics. Equally, Patrick needs his help in philosophy and thus he does not feel guilty about it. He looks to his right and studies his best friend's face. He is a Crawley, just like him, ranking above him in the succession. Just one step but that will make all the difference. His parents have three daughters and no son. They treat him like a son, they love him like a son, he is sure they think of him as their son but he is not the heir, his parents aren't his parents after all.

His 'first parents' as he usually thinks of them died when he was three. He hardly remembers them and after an ordeal of staying with different unfriendly and cold relatives he was made to stay 'at the big house' as he was once told. He found a father there in Robert, shortly afterwards a mother in Cora and then grandparents in the Earl and Countess of Grantham. He knows he had a happy childhood, he knows he was very lucky.

Patrick and he became friends on their first day at Eton. Because they knew each other, they talked to each other and found out that they liked each other. Ever since then he hasn't been jealous of Patrick anymore because of the entail. He feels sorry for Patrick, who has a very nice mother but a horrible father. During one of the first nights at Eton he had to cry and Patrick asked whether he wasn't happy to finally be away from home. 'No,' he said. 'I miss my parents. Don't you miss your parents?' Patrick had looked at him flabbergasted and then said 'No. I don't miss being given a thrashing every second day either'.

It had hit him then that he had never been given a thrashing. He told Patrick so who could not believe it and begged him to ask his parents to be allowed to stay with them for Christmas. Matthew did ask and his parents were more than willing to let Patrick spend the holidays with them. His father took both of them on his rounds of the estate, he introduced Patrick to everyone they met and was just as nice to Patrick as he was to him and the girls. Since then Patrick has said 'I wish your father was my father too' at least a hundred times.

"Mr. Crawley, come with me please." The headmaster has just entered the room and is now looking at Patrick. For a fleeting second Matthew thinks 'thank God it's not me he wants,' but then he feels incredibly sorry. Patrick looks as if he had no idea what he had done and he wishes he could go with him and help him but that is not possible. He is worried for Patrick the rest of the lessons and when Patrick has not returned afterwards he becomes even more worried. At the beginning of Quiet Hour, their math teacher comes to him and tells him 'you are now wanted as well. Be kind to Mr. Crawley.' His knees start to shake and when he is let into a small room he has never been in a before he sees a teacher he has never talked to before sitting with Patrick who stares into empty space and looks as if his world had just come crashing down around him.

"Patrick?" he asks and his best friend turns to look at him.

"My mother is dead," Patrick says and Matthew knows that his cousin is fighting tears.

"I am so very sorry," he replies and wishes to God that teacher would leave them alone. Patrick is a bit of a softie and he probably needs a hug now but he cannot give it to him with a teacher watching.

"I cannot go home," Patrick says. "I just can't. Not when it is just my father."

"There's been another telegram," another teacher who just entered the room says. "You are both to go to Downton Abbey tomorrow morning. Lord Downton will pick you up."

.

 _Robert_

.

The moment he read the telegram his father had handed to him, the moment he knew that his cousin Kitty was dead he also knew that Cora and he would have to take in Patrick. If possible, if James let the boy go. Kitty was nice and a good mother but James is horrible and certainly not a good father.

"James is coming here. I don't understand why but he is. He probably wants Kitty buried here. He'll say that she would have become Countess of Grantham one day," his father said when he read a second telegram that arrived at the Abbey three hours after the first.

"Good," was all he said and his father looked at him.

"Why is that good? You hate James."

"With all my heart. But somehow we will have to convince him to let Patrick stay here when he is not at Eton."

"Why?" his father asked, looking at him perplexedly.

"Because your son thinks that it is his lot to safe lost Crawley boys," his mother said and he had the feeling that she was looking at him with a bit of pride on her face.

"Patrick will need saving," Cora chimed in and that had apparently settled the matter.

He shakes himself out of his thoughts when the carriage is pulled onto the Eton grounds. Every time he comes here he doesn't know whether he misses this place or not. He enjoyed his time here but life was about so many more things than he was taught here.

An older student, probably a prefect, leads him to the headmaster's room and a feeling of trepidation overcomes him for a moment. Just the thought of having to see the headmaster makes him think that he did something he wasn't supposed to do and that his father was about to be informed. 'You are a grown man,' he says to himself, 'here to pick up your son and your heir because of a death in the family'. Still he needs to take a deep breath before he enters the room.

Patrick and Matthew turn at the same time and a smile appears on Matthew's face. It is a subdued smile that holds an important question and without his son needing to ask, he nods and Matthew looks relieved.

"Might we have a moment?" he asks and the headmaster nods. "Of course, Lord Downton."

He puts a hand on each of Patrick's shoulders and looks into the boy's eyes. There are tears there and he wishes he could allow Patrick to just cry but he can't. If one of the other boys saw, Patrick would probably not be helped.

"Patrick," he says "I am so very sorry. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it better but there isn't. Just know this: Your home will be Downton Abbey from now on, if that is what you want. Don't ask me how she did it, but Cora convinced your father that that was best."

Patrick nods and then slumps against him and begins to cry after all. He feels so sorry for the boy. James has never been a good father to Patrick. He thought the boy was too weak and too soft and Patrick really is very mild-mannered, even more so than he is, but he is a very nice boy with a good head on his shoulders and he certainly does not deserve the treatment he usually suffers under James' hands.

He takes both Matthew and Patrick home and when he sees the boys sitting next to each other he wonders what would have happened to Patrick if Matthew was not his best friend. He and Cora and to some extent his parents only know what Patrick often suffers at home because Matthew told them about it. If it hadn't been for Patrick's mother, they would have offered Patrick a home as soon as Matthew wrote to them for the first time about the many thrashings that Patrick apparently received at home. He understands that there is nothing wrong with an occasional thrashing; Eton uses corporal punishment after all. But still he does not believe in its effectiveness. He was practically raised without them because his mother thought that 'having words with the children' was a much better way of dealing with Rosamund's and his fights. She also thought that cleaning out the horse stables or if they had been very misbehaved, cleaning the toilets was sufficient punishment. They were after all made to do servants' work which seemed much more degrading than being given a thrashing. It also made him much more appreciative of the servants. This way of dealing with misbehaving children is something that his mother and Cora wholeheartedly agree on, although on some occasions Cora thought it best if it was his mother who had 'words with the children'.

"Will we have to return right after the funeral?" Patrick asks without looking at anyone.

"No," he softly replies. "You have both been given permission to stay home for a week afterwards."

"Home," Patrick says and sighs.

"Yes, home. We'll make Downton Abbey your home," Matthew says and smiles. Robert smiles at his son and feels his heart swell with pride. He is so very proud of Matthew who never fought the fact that he was not the heir, who really wants to be the land agent, not because that is what his grandfather wants him to be, but it is what he wants to do. He is sure that Matthew and Patrick will be able to keep the estate running smoothly for many years. Matthew has shown an interest in attending Cambridge and they will allow him to do just that. His chosen field of study seems to be law and Robert thinks that a land agent who has a degree in law will probably be an asset to the estate.

Patrick, although surely as intelligent as Matthew but a lot shyer, does not show any interest in attending a university but it will give him the chance to learn about Downton, to learn the things that Matthew already knows.

When they reach the Abbey, Cora is the only one waiting for them because they thought that it might be too much for Patrick to be greeted by a full complement. Because she is a woman and American, Cora has not scruples to hug Patrick first and reassure him of her support and then also briefly hug Matthew.

.

 _Matthew_

.

Now that the funeral is over he allows himself to be glad to be at home. Before that he told himself that he should not be happy about seeing his parents, grandparents and sisters again. And Mary. He has to laugh at himself. He should really start to think of Mary as his sister, to all intents and purposes she is his sister, just as Edith and Sybil are but he has somehow never felt about Mary the way he feels about Edith and Sybil. It is not that he doesn't love Mary because he is sure he does, he feels an urgent need to protect her. He has always felt that need. His father has told him the story of how he came into the library, swinging a sword and knocking down a vase that his granny hated in the process on the day of Mary's birth, claiming that he needed to protect her because someone had to do it. The story always makes his father laugh but he wonders why he thought like that at the age of four. His mother probably had the best explanation for it when she said 'You have always wanted to protect the unprotected. You have always been the defender of the downtrodden. At age four you did not see that Mary already had such a defender in your father.'

But the funny thing is that Mary doesn't really need a protector. She is eleven years old and more than able to defend herself. She is smart and witty, and, Matthew is sure of that, she will eventually be rather beautiful. She is like their father in many ways but she has inherited their mother's looks. While he muses about these things, the door to his room opens and Mary walks in.

"Don't you knock?" he asks her and she smiles.

"Not for you," she answers and sits down next to him on the bed. Even when doing that she still looks prim. He sometimes thinks that she has grown up too fast but that is probably due to their father fighting a war in South Africa for two years.

"Why not?"

"You are Matthew." He does not think this a very good reason but he knows what Mary wants to say. She cannot say 'Because you are my brother' because she does not think of him as his brother. She probably likes him, he is sure she looks up to him, but she does not think of him as his brother.

"That is not a good reason. What do you want?"

"Nothing."

"So you come in here without knocking because you want 'nothing'.

"Yes," Mary replies nonchalantly and it makes him laugh. He doesn't know what to say, so he just lets her sit on his bed, asking him questions about life at Eton until Edith and Sybil come to his room too and Mary leaves the moment she sees Edith.

.

 _Patrick (The Earl of Grantham)_

.

He watches Robert walk the grounds with Patrick and Matthew and thanks the heavens for returning Robert safe and sound from South Africa just four months ago. He was so scared of his boy not coming home.

He heard terrible stories of the men who did return home, who had changed, who talked about horrors and not heroes. Robert too had been very quiet the first few weeks after his return but Cora had been able to coax him out of his shell and eventually Robert returned to being the man he was before the war.

But quite beside the point that the loss of his only son would have devastated him for emotional reasons, it would also have meant that James would have been the next earl. He hates James.

He has come to terms with the fact that Robert and Cora won't have any more children; that Robert will never produce as heir. And as long as Robert lives a long life, he should be followed by Patrick as the Earl. James drinks far too much to outlive Robert under normal circumstances. And Patrick he can accept. The boy is nice, if maybe a little too mild-mannered but he will always have Matthew's support and that should keep the estate save.

One of the reasons why he so readily agreed when Robert and Cora told him that they wanted to take in Patrick was that he was afraid that without Kitty's watchful eye, James would try to change Patrick, to stir him into a different direction, to try to change him to be the kind of earl that James would like to be. But Cora had been able to convince James that Patrick should stay with them. He has no idea how she did it and when he asked her the girl had smiled at him and said 'I let the American out'. It had made him laugh but Robert had frowned his forehead and knitted his brows. Cora had looked at Robert, smiled a very sweet and loving smile and whispered 'Don't worry. I didn't let your American out'. Robert had coughed, turned bright red and turned away from Cora who looked completely nonchalant.

"What are you thinking about?" He turns around and sees Violet standing next to him.

"How thankful I am that Robert returned from South Africa a healthy man. That he married Cora. That they are willing to take care of Patrick."

"You mean that they are willing to accept another lost boy as a son." He isn't sure whether that is how Robert and Cora will think of Patrick but he is sure that that is how they will treat him.

"Yes, in a way at least."

Violet smiles as she too watches Robert with Matthew and Patrick.

"We've raised a good boy," she says and he nods.

"Yes. And he married a good girl."

"He loves her very much," Violet says and there is a tiny quiver in her voice. A little over 10 years ago he would not have noticed it but now he does.

"He does," he says and takes Violet's hand in his for a brief moment. He wishes he could do so for longer but he can't be as open with affectionate gestures as Robert is. He knows that Violet understands this, she is usually even more stuck up about this than he is. And it is easier for Robert and Cora who are deeply in love with one another.

Violet and he get along well, for the past 12 years they have been reasonably happy without either one of them having the need to stray from their marriage. He never regretted their decision to stay true to one another. There is something comforting about waking up next to the same woman every day, about not having to hide, about trusting someone. For the past 12 years he has been able to trust Violet with everything and that has let to intimacy beyond the mere act of marital duty.

"Please don't think that I am unhappy," Violet says to him and again he looks at her and shakes his head.

"I don't think that. You of all people would tell me if you weren't happy with our arrangement."

"We've made the best out of what we had," Violet says and he knows that it sounds crueler than she meant it. There is a twinkle in her eye that he sometimes thinks is reserved for him only. It is hard to catch, but it means that Violet isn't completely serious and that her barbs are meant affectionately.

"The very best," he says and leans down to kiss her cheek.

"Let's hope that Patrick and Mary will do the same and be as successful as their parents," Violet says and he can't help but sigh.

"The girl is eleven, Violet," he says and she looks at him seriously.

"Yes, she is. And she will never have a brother. Let's hope she does not start to think of Patrick as a brother."

"She does not even think of Matthew as a brother," he replies. He has wondered why Mary and Matthew don't think of each other as siblings for a long time now. It is a mutual feeling and they obviously like each which makes it even harder to understand for him.

"No, she doesn't. Maybe because she is old enough to understand that Matthew is not her brother, maybe because she was already old enough to understand that when Matthew went to Eton for the first time. Or maybe because Matthew has always been a little distant with her. They both know that he took something away from her."

"What?" he asks because he doesn't think that Matthew ever took anything away from Mary.

"Her firstborn status."

"That does not make any sense. Neither one of them can inherit." Violet rolls her eyes at him and shakes her head as if she wanted to tell him that he was rather daft.

"No. But she is Robert and Cora's first child but has never been treated as such because of Matthew."

"I am sure Robert and Cora love all their children equally." He is sure of it and very proud of them for it. If there is only one thing he has ever done right in his life it is being a good father and Robert is just a as a good a father.

"Of course they do. As do we. But there are some things that are reserved for the first born child, some memories that can only be created by the first born. But that was taken away from Mary by Matthew. Matthew was the first to call them 'Mama' and 'Papa', he was the first child who stole into their bed in the middle of the night, he was the first child to hold their hands while they took him on a walk, he was the first child to join them for a formal dinner. But all those 'firsts' should have fallen to Mary and they didn't because of Matthew. I think both Mary and Matthew are aware of this, at least subconsciously."

"Robert and Rosamund don't seem to have a problem with it."

"Of course they don't. But Rosamund is our child, so it was her right to be 'first'. Matthew never had that right."

Violet does have a point he thinks, although he wonders how much time she has spent thinking about these things. "Are you worried about Mary?" he asks.

"Not worried. Just concerned. I want her to be happy. But happiness in a marriage is entirely a matter of chance."

He has no idea how Violet arrived at that point from the discussion they have just had but he accepts it because it seems to be very important to her.

"A matter of chance and a matter of effort. And opposed to us, Mary and I suppose Patrick will have guidance in that matter. From us and from their parents."

"Patrick, let's not put pressure on them to have a boy."

He looks at Violet and sees that there is real concern on her face.

"I know I said it before, but Mary is eleven. It will be ten more years before she gets married."

"And when has making plans early on ever hurt?" He knows he should just give in if he does not want to be made to sleep in his dressing room and he certainly does not want to do that. He has grown very used to and fond of sharing his wife's bed. It is so comfortable and warm.

"If it was you who did the planning, never. So no, we won't put pressure on Mary in that regard. It isn't necessary. If Patrick and she don't have a boy there is still a good chance that Matthew might."

"Yes. I don't really know how he accomplished it, but without having a son of his own, Robert acquired an heir and a spare."

It makes him laugh. It is one of those things that is typical of Violet to say and to think. She does not just think of the necessity to have an heir but also of a spare. Although he is sure that a spare is not necessary. Patrick is well past his childhood years and unless there was another war, there is no reason to believe that Matthew might be needed for the family in any other capacity than that of a very beloved relative and a capable and trusted land agent.

* * *

AN: This was probably the second to last chapter for this story, I haven't made my final decision yet of when to end the story and whether to leave the ending open or not regarding a possible Mary/Matthew romance or relationship. I haven't yet decided whether there will be an M/M relationship or not yet either. I have several endings for the story in mind and the original one mapped out, although I might chose a different ending after all. So there maybe two more chapters.

I am sorry that I haven't replied to any reviews last week but I've been a bit sick. Nothing serious though, so don't worry, but I needed a lot of sleep.

I am thankful for each and every review I get!

(And I was bit bummed out by the lack of reviews for the final chapter of Till Death, but then again it probably wasn't just very good ;))

I hope you all have a great day and a very good week.

Please let me know what you think about this chapter.

Kat

P.S.: There was some sort of Christmas fanfic exchange last year. Does anyone know if there is one this year?

P.P.S.: Sorry, if you've received two update notices for this story if you have it on alert. I posted a chapter with a couple of mistakes in it and then deleted it right away.


	13. Chapter 13

March-April 1912

.

 _Patrick (The Younger)_

.

He looks at the letter in disbelief. His father, his real father, not Robert, wants to take him to the New World. He says something about 'making amends' in the letter and immediately Patrick wonders if his father is about die. Why would a man like that want to make amends? Of course this could also be because of the engagement. Mary and he came to an understanding about two months ago and he told his father. Although he wishes he hadn't because there are still doubts in his mind. He likes Mary, there is no doubt about _that_ but he does not love her. Of course Robert and Violet both told him that love might come along, that if they worked hard enough on their marriage they could be happy but he isn't sure. Mary and he are very different and he does not always know how to react to Mary's harshness. He has often thought that Matthew would be a much better husband for Mary, he even once suggested it to him but his best friend laughed it off, saying that Mary was destined to marry the future Earl of Grantham and not the land agent.

"What is it Patrick?" it was Robert who asked this question, looking at him over his own letters.

"Nothing. I am quite alright," he replies. He does not want to talk to Robert about his father making amends. He thinks it would in many ways be a betrayal to Robert and Cora who took him in like a son the day his mother died.

"Would you care for a walk?" It is Matthew who asks the question a few minutes later and he nods at his best friend in thankfulness. If there is one person he can talk to about his father's strange behavior then it is Matthew.

"My father wants to make amends. He wants me to come home, as he says, and then take me to New York for a couple of months. He says it is to be a treat."

"And would you like to go?" There is no judgment in Matthew's question and he is very thankful for that.

"I don't know. It would feel like betrayal to Robert and Cora."

Matthew shakes his head.

"It might feel like it to you but they wouldn't feel betrayed. Not at all."

"But they took me in like a son. They never asked for anything in return. I know this will all be mine one day but that did not oblige them to do for me what they have done."

"No."

"Then why did they do it?"

"Because they are among the nicest people on the planet," Matthew says and laughs.

He thinks that this is certainly true. Robert is certainly the kindest landowner he has ever met. He is rather lenient with the tenants, especially if there are what he calls 'special circumstances'. Several young children or old people that need to be taken care of. If it comes to the worst, the family occasionally even pays for treatments. 'I'd much rather have a living tenant than a dead one,' Robert once said and of course he is right. He once suggested to his own father to be a little more like Robert towards the tenants and the servants and his father accused him of being too soft.

"I think I want to go. To my father. And then to America with him. We should be back by July and I don't need the season to find a wife."

"No." Matthew doesn't say anything else. They have already discussed his engagement to Mary at length. Matthew does not think it is a good idea, not just yet. He thinks that Mary should be given more time, one or two more seasons to enjoy before tying herself to a man she loves like a brother.

"We haven't set a date yet and no official announcement has been made. Mary does not want that and I understand that." In truth he is a little afraid of Mary and rather relieved that she hasn|t zet insisted on setting a date, but he can't say that to Matthew.

.

He tells the family about his father's invitation before dinner and both Robert and Cora see it as a good opportunity for him to make amends with his father. Cora offers to ask her mother and brother to invite them, possibly to Newport and again he is washed over by a wave of thankfulness. Mary does not seem to care either way or maybe she is glad that he is about to leave for a few months, he isn't sure. He does not think that Mary is happy with their engagement but neither is he and maybe some time away from Downton and Mary will clear his head and see the reasons that made him propose to Mary in the first place more clearly.

He leaves a week later and the goodbyes and well-wishes are heartfelt, much more so than his father's welcome is once he comes home. He only says 'Patrick' once he gets out of the car and shakes his hand, something that feels so very cold. Robert always claps him and Matthew on the shoulder, sometimes even leaves his hand there for a few seconds, and he always smiles when welcoming him back, but his father shows no sentiments.

"I have a surprise for you," his father says during dinner. He looks up and for the hundredth time that day thinks that Robert is much more of a father to him than the man he calls 'Papa'.

"You do?" he asks.

"Yes. We will already go over to America in April. We'll be on the maiden voyage of the Titanic." He needs to swallow without chewing. The Titanic. The greatest ship ever built, said to be unsinkable. He can't stop a smile from appearing on his face.

"I knew you would like it," and the happiness that begins to shine in his father's face warms his hearts.

"I do. Thank you," he says and the smile that appears on his father's face seems genuine. He goes to bed that night, looking forward to spending some time with his father for the first time in his life. And because he feels guilty about it he decides not to tell anyone that he will be on the Titanic.

.

 _Cora_

.

She can't believe it. More than one thousand people dead. Much more. Frozen to death in the Atlantic. She knows some of the people who were on board, some of the survivors and some of the dead. J.J. Astor once danced with her at a ball in New York. She wore a green dress and he called her 'pretty'. He made her giggle and her mother immediately began to dream of her becoming the next Mrs. Astor. She only met him again once or twice but it still gives her pang to think that he is dead. To think that anyone had to die that awful death.

.

She sees O'Brien leave the room, probably to get her breakfast and the door opens again as soon as O'Brien has closed it. It is Robert who asks "May I come in?" perfunctorily. He doesn't need to ask, he may always come in and on a normal day she would say just that to him. But not today. Usually they smile at one another when he comes to see her before he starts his day but not today. He looks as shocked as she feels.

"Isn't this terrible? When you think how excited Lucy Rothfuss was at the prospect. It's too awful for any words," she says and Robert doesn't show any reaction. He seems very distracted. She says something else and Robert says something about Murray and then he utters nine words she will never forget in her life.

"It seems that James and Patrick were on board."

She almost ignores O'Brien who brings her breakfast tray which she puts away and then she asks Robert "But surely they were picked up?" They must have been, they travelled first class, there is no doubt about it. And it was after all the passengers from the first class that were saved. At least some of them.

"It doesn't look like it," Robert says and looks out the window. Although she can only see his back she knows that he is crying. She leaves her bed, stands behind him, puts her arms around his waist and her head on his back.

"How horrible. And sad." She begins to cry too then and they don't need any words. Robert turns around and pulls her close to him and all they do is grieve. They both loved Patrick almost like son, he has lived with them for the past ten years, they spent as much time with him as with Matthew in those years. And now he is dead and they won't ever see him again.

"You must tell Matthew and Mary. They can't hear it from anyone but you," she eventually says and Robert nods.

"I wish I knew how," he mumbles against her and she replies "Just say it like it is. Be as gentle as you can."

.

 _Robert_

.

He is glad beyond words when he walks down the stairs to go on his daily walk and it is not just Pharaoh waiting at the bottom of the stairs for him but also Cora. She holds the dog on his collar, stopping him from being too excited and he is thankful for it.

They don't talk for the first half an hour of the walk. Cora holds onto him and her closeness keeps him from breaking down in tears and he supposes it is the same the other way around.

"How are Mary and Matthew?" she asks eventually and he sighs.

"Matthew left the room as soon as I had told them and Mary, well she was her cold-hearted self. She does not want to mourn Patrick as a fiancé and I told her that it was up to her."

"Don't be too harsh on her."

"I try not to be. She didn't love Patrick."

"Not like a future husband. I think she did love him like a brother." He nods and stares into the distance.

"We've lost one of our boys," he says and then can't stop the tears from falling anymore. Cora pulls them to a standstill and for the second time that day lets him cry on her shoulder. He knows that there are tears running down her face as well and although he has felt as if he was drowning in an incredible wave of sadness since the moment he read the telegram, it still comforts him that Cora is there to grieve with him. They remain where they are for untold minutes or hours, just holding onto each other.

"Thank you," he mumbles and Cora moves her head and looks into his eyes.

"For what?" she asks and there is a lot of surprise and raw honesty mirrored in her face.

"For not minding my crying. It's been the second time today." Cora slightly shakes her head and then puts both her hands on his chest.

"Robert, we have lost a boy we loved almost like a son. He was one of our boys. Of course you cry. You will probably cry a few more times but there is nothing wrong with that. Your heart isn't made of stone."

"No. Although my mother certainly would like it to be." He has no idea why he suddenly talks about his mother of all people. She has after all nothing to do with this and he shouldn't be thinking about his mother when he is with Cora in any case. Unless they were talking about her.

"Your mother's heart isn't made out of stone either. She may pretend that it is but it isn't. Remember how she was after your father's death. It took her months to finally return to her old self."

Cora is right about that of course. His mother mourned his father much more than he would have expected but for the last one and a half decades of his father's life his parents seemed a lot happier than they had been before that. He once thought about asking his father why it was that way but he did not dare to and then it was too late. He still sometimes wonders about asking his mother but he is sure that she would only give a painful answer she thinks is funny.

They keep talking about his parents for a little while and he thinks that maybe he mentioned his mother because he needed to talk about something else for a little while, to not constantly think about Patrick to keep his sanity.

Eventually Cora and he fall into silence again and Cora leans her head on his shoulder, something that comforts him and calms him down. Since the day they met she has always been his rock and he is very thankful for it.

"We should go back," she eventually says and they begin to walk towards the Abbey.

.

 _Violet_

.

She sees them long before they notice her. Her son and his wife, walking towards the Abbey, giving each other comfort. She sends a short prayer of thanks to the heavens for Cora as she has done thousands of times before. She is sure that without Cora, Robert would not be able to deal with this.

How she misses her husband in those moments. If he was still there she could talk to him, discuss what happened with him and grieve with him. She'd have someone to hold her and tell her that she needn't be ashamed of crying over the loss of a boy she loved almost like a grandson. But her Patrick isn't there anymore. After 25 years wasted with dislike, trying to avoid each other and trying to hurt each other, Patrick and she found a way towards each other and for the last 15 years of their marriage, the last 15 years of her husband's life they were happy. They never were deeply in love, they never were like Robert and Cora, but a bond of physical attraction and emotional attachment had formed between them and they considered themselves to be happily married.

She now sees Cora giving Robert a kiss on the cheek and then walking towards her by herself while Robert calls his dog and walks off into a different direction. She can't be mad her son for not wanting to talk to her right now. Quite despite the fact that Cora is an American, Robert has always been the one of them who had had more difficulties to hide his feelings.

"Mama," Cora says and gives her a kiss on the cheek.

"I am so very sorry," she says and Cora nods. They walk inside without words and she wonders if she shouldn't change her plan and only give Cora comfort. And not talk about the entail and Matthew and Mary. Patrick would certainly tell her to do so but to her these matters seem too important to be left undiscussed even for a day.

"How did Matthew and Mary take it?" she asks.

"Mary put on her ice queen mask and Matthew left the room as soon as Robert had told them."

"Well, he is the new heir. He will need some time to get used to it."

Cora looks at her as if she had just said something surprising.

"You do know that he is the new heir, don't you?" she asks. Cora shakes herself rather like a kitten caught in the rain and then says

"Of course I know that. I just haven't thought about it yet. But you are right. It must be difficult to deal with for Matthew."

"What are you going to do about it?"

"We'll help and support him where we can." This is answer typical for Cora. All she wants to do is help without any regard for what that would mean for herself or the family.

"So you will just accept Matthew inheriting your fortune."

"Of course. I would have accepted Patrick inheriting it." She cannot believe she has to explain this to Cora in detail. The girl is so naïve. Robert sometimes says that Cora always sees the best in people but she thinks that he does not want see her naivety.

"But Mary was supposed to marry him. You have two choices now. Make Mary marry Matthew or smash the entail in its entirety."

"What?" Cora asks half laughingly.

"You heard me, you aren't sitting on your ears. Of course none of this would be a problem had you had a son." Cora looks exasperated at this and she feels sorry for the comment right away.

"I didn't have son. But I love Matthew like a son and so does Robert. And you see the grandson you never had in Matthew. What is so difficult about him being the heir?"

"Blood."

"Blood." Cora repeats and her eyebrows almost vanish under her hairline.

"Wouldn't it be best if the estate, the title and your money were inherited by your grandson?"

"But they probably will be inherited by my grandson. It will now all go to Matthew who will hopefully be able to pass it all on to his son who will be my grandson."

She feels enormous relief. It surprises her that Cora would think about making Matthew and Mary marry, especially so shortly after Patrick's death, but then again she is an American and probably rather concerned about the money she used to by a title, not just for her but also for a son she never had.

"So you will make Matthew marry Mary," she says.

"I will do no such thing," her daughter-in-law replies.

"Then how?"

"Mama," she says and sighs. "Matthew is my son. Our son. Robert's and mine. I may not have given birth to him but we raised him and love him just as much as we love our girls."

She wants to retort something but then sees movement at the door and a blond man disappearing around the corner.

.

 _Matthew_

.

He is finally able to cry. His mother's words have made him cry and it feels as if the flood gates had been opened. And still he has to chuckle. 'His mother'. He hasn't thought that in years. When he went off to university for the first time he stopped calling Robert and Cora 'Mama' and 'Papa'. It seemed such a childish thing to do. When he told them about his decision all they did was smile and nod and Cora gave him a kiss on the cheek and said "We love you anyway". It had made him laugh and he had whispered to her that he loved them too and knew that she would relate that sentiment to Robert.

Ever since then he has thought of them as Robert and Cora but still loved them like a father and a mother. He hopes they know this and Cora's sentiment about him being her son, about a possible son of his being her grandson touched him very deeply. For a moment he imagines himself holding a son and then realizes that that son would eventually become the Earl of Grantham. Because Patrick, his best friend, is dead. Sank on that unsinkable ship. Drowned in the icy waters of the north Atlantic. Died decades before his time. And made him the heir to the Earl of Grantham. A role he has never thought he had have to take on but one he has been prepared for all the same. Whether Robert or his father considered that he might possibly inherit when they spent years teaching him about the estate or whether it was really just to make him the land agent he doesn't know and doesn't care about. He is ready, there is no denying it, no matter how little he wants to be the Earl. He hates the thought. It was supposed to have been Patrick who carried the burden and received the honors. And that would have been right. Patrick was born into this kind of life, he only slipped into it by accident, quite literally when his real parents died in one.

He wonders what would have become of him if his parents hadn't died. Whether he'd still be a lawyer then because that is what he is now. That is what he went to university for. How he would feel about knowing that he'd be the Earl eventually. Of course his father would come first in the succession, but his father was 15 years older than Robert.

"Matthew," he hears someone say and turns around. Robert, dressed in black, is walking towards him a sad smile on his face. "Would you like to walk with me?" He knows he does not have to say yes. Robert only offered it out of heartfelt kindness. But he thinks that he needs to talk to his father now, so he says "yes".

They walk in silence for some time until Robert finally begins to speak.

"I talked to Murray. He says that it is unlikely that they will find all the bodies." He knows what Robert is trying to say. That they won't be able to hold a real funeral.

"I suppose not," he says because that is all that comes to his mind.

"Even if they did, we probably couldn't get the bodies back here."

"No."

"We'll give them a memorial service. One in London and one here."

"Yes." He doesn't know what else to say.

"Please don't feel guilty, my dear boy," Robert says and the moment his father's words have been spoken he can't hold back his tears any longer. He thought he was done with crying but his father put a feeling into words that until that moment he had not been able to describe. He only realizes that he has been crying into his father's shoulder when he has almost calmed down again.

"I am sorry," he says but Robert shakes his head.

"Matthew, the most important thing that Cora has taught me is that we have to face our emotions and should not burry them under layers and layers of English decency."

It makes him chuckle, he can't help it. "She is right," he says and then nothing else for a while.

They keep on walking across the estate and at one point they turn around, looking at the Abbey.

"It will all be mine one day," he says and Robert nods. When he feels Robert's hand on his shoulder he turns towards him and asks

"Do you think I will be able to handle it?"

"Very well," his father says and smiles.

"I will have to mourn Patrick before I can take on his role as the heir," he says and immediately sees understanding in Robert's eyes.

"Of course. We will all have to mourn him. His death is devastating. But know this Matthew. I am glad that you are the heir now. There couldn't be anyone more worthy."

They look at the house for a while longer before Robert says

"I'll go inside. Would you like to stay out here?"

"Yes," he answers. And then adds, almost as an afterthought "but I'll join you for dinner." Robert nods at that and then turns around and walks towards the house.

He thought he'd be alone with his thoughts for a while but only two minutes after Robert has left Mary walks up to him, stands next to him and takes his hand. They watch her father walk towards the house in utter silence.

* * *

AN: Thank you very, very much for all the reviews on the last chapter! It made me really happy to see that so many people like this story so much.

I know that Matthew sometimes thinks 'his father' and sometimes 'Robert' in this chapter and that that might be a little confusing but that was done on purpose. Matthew is very confused and unsure of himself at this point of the story and although he is an adult he now needs the support of a father and in this story Robert has been exactly that to him for a quarter of a century.

This was originally supposed to be then ending of this story but I have decided to write two additional chapters because so many of you said they wanted to know what would happen regarding a possible Mary/Matthew romance. I have made a decision about that (I wasn't one hundred percent sure which direction I wanted to go last week) though I won't tell you which way it'll go J.

Also, thank you to everyone who has said that they liked my Violet/Patrick story line. It has of course come to its end as Patrick was dead in 1912 (do we know when he died? I might have asks this question before, I can't remember). If I find the time, and I think I should, I will write a Christmas oneshot about them set in this universe.

Several guests have asked me over the course of the last two or three weeks whether this story was updated regularly. It is updated every Sunday.

I would love to get as many reviews on this chapter as I received on the last one, so please let me know what you think.

I hope you all have a great Sunday and wonderful days leading up to Christmas (not even two weeks left…)

Kat


	14. Chapter 14

The part in italics is a longish flashback. More at the bottom :)

* * *

July 1914

.

 _Cora_

.

She thinks that Mary looks rather forlorn. It is of course very nice of her eldest daughter to come and sit with her but she knows that Mary feels very uncomfortable because her eldest daughter doesn't know what to say. She knows that Mary has cried again, she can still see the tear tracks on her cheeks and she isn't sure whether it was just at the loss of her baby brother or whether there is something else. She wonders if she should ask Mary about it. Although Mary would probably tell her 'not to worry' and to 'concentrate on getting better'. She supposes that that is what Robert told their girls and his mother to say to her because none of them have really tried to distract her yet except of course for Sybil who often does not listen to her father.

Sybil brought her flowers and a little blanket she had apparently crocheted herself. 'I was only halfway finished the day before yesterday,' her youngest daughter had said, 'but I finished it last night. I wanted to give it to my little brother or sister but I thought that now you might like it. Just as a keepsake.' It had made her cry but Sybil had just taken her hand and let her cry.

'Was it very painful?' her daughter had asked then and she told her how it had felt. That it had been almost as painful as a normal birth but what had hurt the most was that the baby had never drawn a single breath. Sybil nodded at that and said 'It must be so very hard for you and Papa and I am so very sorry. I would have liked to have a younger brother.' It made her cry again and again Sybil had just let her, but eventually she began to tell her something about a friend who had written to her and they talked about trifles for over two hours and it made her feel so much better.

Mary however is different. She does not know how to act around sick or sad people or people who are both. So because she feels that she has to say something she asks

"Who was on the telephone? I heard it ring." Mary looks rather distracted, then looks down at her lap and subconsciously begins to play with her necklace.

"Matthew," she says and Cora can't help but smile at that.

"What did he want?" she asks and without looking up Mary says "He asked how you were. I told him you were better than expected."

"Thank you," she says. Robert telephoned Matthew a few hours after the miscarriage and the man they still think of as their son had been very downcast. He has now telephoned nine times within three days and she wonders if he will be in trouble with his employer because he uses the telephone there so often as he does not yet have one at home.

Matthew moved to Manchester in June 1912. He said that he needed some time away from the estate and the responsibility that would be his one day. He said that he needed to find his roots before he could start to prepare for a future amongst the aristocracy and they had let him go. He had promised to return home after a few years and to always come home for Christmas. Robert and she felt they had to let him go, of course they did, they love him and they understand why he needed to go.

Both Robert and she had been afraid of his reaction to them having another child, so they had asked him to come home for a few days in which they gently told him about it. Matthew's eyes had lit up the moment they did tell him and his heartfelt joy was obvious. When Robert asked him whether he was afraid of the baby being a boy Matthew had laughed and said that he had never expected to be the Earl of Grantham, that he enjoyed being a lawyer and that he would be _over_ joyed at having a little brother. Or another little sister.

"He is coming home tomorrow. He said he took a few days off." This makes her happy. It does not let her forget that she just lost a baby, a baby she had felt kicking her, but it eases the pain.

"I am very glad to hear that."

Mary nods and then tears start rolling down her face again.

"Mary?" she asks, leans forward and takes her daughters hand in hers. Mary only shakes her head, pulls her hand away and then says "Mama, you should lie down. It is nothing to bother you with".

She takes a look at her daughter and the sadness and fear in her eyes tell her that she should be bothered very much. So instead of lying back down, she moves herself into a sitting position and then turns on her bed so that she only sits on the edge, directly opposite of Mary. She takes both of Mary's hands in hers now and then says to Mary

"I think I should be bothered with it. Whatever it is."

"But you've just lost a baby."

She sighs. It wasn't the first time, she lost two babies between Edith and Sybil, although hardly anyone is aware of this. Robert of course knows about both incidents and his mother about one. She hadn't been as far along then, but it isn't a completely new sensation to her.

"Yes, I lost a baby," she said. "But that does not mean that I don't worry about the wonderful living children that I have."

She knows Mary's resolve is failing and she squeezes her hands again. Mary then looks at her and says

"I am afraid."

"Of what?" she asks and hopes this won't lead to a discussion about pregnancy and miscarriages. Mary is hardly ever afraid and if she is she usually tries to hide it.

"There will be a war, won't there? Papa and Sybil are sure about it and you think so too. I heard you talking about it to Granny."

"Yes," she says and a cold shiver runs down her spine.

"Matthew will go. And Papa will go too. What will become of us if they die?"

She is too weak to get up and so she asks Mary to sit next to her and the she puts both her arms around her eldest daughter's shoulders and says

"Your Papa will offer his services the day war is declared, there is no doubt about that, he will want to fight for his king and his country. But his king and country probably won't want him to fight for them. He is too old. Had he stayed in the army after South Africa they'd probably ask him to go, but he left the army, he left as a captain. And while he certainly did his bit, much more so than I would have liked, he hasn't really distinguished himself in the eyes of the generals. They won't want him back, they don't need him. Matthew will volunteer and his services will be accepted, I don't doubt it. And all we can do is pray for his safe and sound return."

Mary's tears start flowing again now and she leans her head on her shoulder and feels as it felt when Mary was still a little girl and afraid that her father wouldn't return from South Africa.

While Mary cries the door opens and Robert enters the room with a look of concern on his face.

"I heard," he says but she shakes her head and motions for him to leave again. She thinks that there is more to Mary's crying than just the fear of losing Matthew. Mary likes Matthew, she misses Matthew, but she does not think of him as a brother, not the way that Edith and Sybil do.

"Do you remember the night Kamal Pamuk died?" Mary suddenly asks and she wonders if Mary wants to make her laugh just as Sybil did. Because how could she forget a night like that?

.

 _Even before O'Brien has left, Robert opens the door without knocking. She thinks that there is a disapproving look on O'Brien's face for a fleeting second but she has been her maid for three years now, she should know that Robert spends every night in her room. She finds him there in the mornings from time to time after all. He doesn't say anything until O'Brien has left and then he says_

 _"You look lovely, darling," as he walks up behind her and puts his hands on her shoulders. They look at each other in her mirror and smile at the same time._

 _"Thank you," she says and turns around. "Your hair is a little mussed. I like that," she mumbles against him and then kisses his stomach._

 _"Good," he says, takes her hands from his hips but holds them in his own as he steps away from her a little. "Come to bed."_

 _It is more of a plea than a command and she follows it more than willingly. Robert is gentle and forceful at the same time and she loves it and enjoys it to the fullest._

 _She puts her hands in his hair and says "God Robert, that was good," and he chuckles and kisses her so deeply that it makes her dizzy._

 _"I am glad you enjoyed as much as I did."_

 _"I always enjoy it," she says and then adds as an afterthought "I think we are very good at this."_

 _Robert who was just about to roll of her stops in his movements and looks deeply into her eyes. "We are Cora. And I am so very glad about it."_

 _"So am I," she whispers and she really is. It means so much to her that Robert has never considered having a mistress, that their marriage is so happy that straying from it has never entered Robert's or her mind._

 _"I love you," he says and it almost makes her cry. He hardly ever says it. She knows he does, he shows it to her every day, by smiling at her, by calling her 'his darling', by touching her hand, by asking her to join him on his walks, by talking to her about matters he would never mention to anyone else, by kissing her, by sleeping in her bed every night without fault and by a million other things. But it is very rare that he actually says it and every time he does it almost tears her up._

 _Robert now lies down next to her and she puts a hand on his chest. "I love you too," she whispers and he puts an arm around her and pulls her close to him._

 _"I wish Pamuk could see us now," he says after a while and quite out of the blue._

 _"What?" she asks laughingly._

 _"He flirted with you all day long and you liked it. He thought he could sleep with you. But he can't. That privilege is mine and mine alone."_

 _"That it certainly is," she says and feels Robert relax a little. She cannot believe that he seriously thought that she would ever let another man into her bed and he probably didn't. But he can be a bit jealous and has always been very protective of her._

 _She wakes up in the middle of the night because she feels very cold. She realizes that Robert has stolen all the blankets and that she isn't wearing any night clothes. Or clothes of any kind. So she gets up and puts her nightshirt on and when she wants to go back to bed, the door to her room opens and Mary motions for her to come into the hallway. While leaving the room, she sees that it is obvious that Robert isn't wearing any clothes, his bare left arm and equally bare right leg are visible and she hopes that Mary hasn't noticed anything._

 _When Mary however shows her why she asked her to come along she thinks that Robert being naked under the covers is the least of her worries now._

 _When she asks Mary if Pamuk had forced himself on her and her eldest daughter shakes her head she feels the place in her heart that belongs to Mary turn to ice. She has never been so disappointed in anyone in her life. And yet she agrees to help carry the corpse of a man, a man who Mary let take her virtue across the house to save her reputation. They lift the body of the bed but before they leave the room the door opens and Matthew enters saying "I heard a commotion and oh dear god," looking at what they are doing, understanding dawning on his face. She curses herself. She should have remembered that Matthew was home for the weekend and sleeping across the hall._

 _"What happened?" he asks and she scoffs._

 _"Isn't it obvious?" she asks him and Matthew raises his eyebrows just for a second. He reminds of her Robert very much in that moment._

 _"No," Matthew says and then adds "put the body back onto the bed". She doesn't know why but Mary and Anna and she do as Matthew says._

 _"Did he force you?" Matthew asks Mary and again she shakes her head._

 _"So you invited him here?" Matthew has obviously woken up the lawyer inside of him._

 _Mary shakes her head again._

 _"So he came here of his own accord?" Mary nods and Matthew starts to walk up and down the length of the room._

 _"How did he know where to find you?" Mary shrugs her shoulders and she wonders why her daughter doesn't speak._

 _"Could he have bribed a servant?" Matthew now asks the room at large and Anna says "probably yes"._

 _"Did you ask him inside?" Mary shakes her head again._

 _"Did you ask him to leave?"_

 _"Several times," he daughter whispers._

 _"And he didn't leave?"_

 _"No."_

 _"Why didn't you call for help?"_

 _"He said my reputation would be ruined and that nobody would believe me." She hears the quiver in her daughter's voice and thinks that that icy place in her heart is already beginning to thaw. Of course she would have believed her. As would Robert have._

 _"And you believed him."_

 _"He came closer and kissed me again," Mary says and the pictures that she now sees in her mind make her want to vomit._

 _"Again?" Matthew asks. Mary seems to ease up a bit under Matthew's determined questions that he still delivers in a very soft voice._

 _"He kissed me during the party. In the library."_

 _"What happened?"_

 _"I told him that if he wasn't the friend of a dear friend I'd tell Papa and that he would make him leave the house immediately." That he certainly would have Cora thinks._

 _"Why didn't you want him to leave?"_

 _"I thought he was important for the peace talks."_

 _"So you made it abundantly clear to him that you did not want his attentions. Not that way."_

 _"I thought so," Mary says and Cora's heart breaks for her innocent little girl. She decides to have very serious talks with all of her daughters as soon as possible._

 _"Did you feel that you had any chance of avoiding him when he was in here?"_

 _Mary shakes her head again._

 _"So you just gave in."_

 _Mary nods again and then her tears begin to flow. Seeing her daughter's tears is what makes the ice melt completely and she immediately feels guilty for not having thought along Matthew's lines, for having assumed that Mary implying that Pamuk did not force himself on her had meant that she had participated voluntarily._

 _"Mary, I" she says and walks towards her daughter who freezes in her movements and looks scared for her life. For a moment she thinks that her daughter is afraid of her but then she hears Robert's voice._

 _"What is going on here?" she tries to give Mary a reassuring smile and then turns around and wants to say something, try to cushion the blow but Matthew gets there faster than her and without any cushioning and in a very authoritarian voice that leaves no room for questions or doubts, he says_

 _"Mr. Pamuk raped Mary."_

 _"I'll kill him," Robert says and moves towards the bed._

 _"He is already dead," Anna replies._

 _"He is lucky then," Robert says and then turns to Mary and asks "Why didn't you scream?" Sobs wrack through her daughter's body then and she pulls her into her arms._

 _"I will tell you the whole story Robert, but not now. Mary has already relived it once, I think that was enough," she says and looks at Robert in a manner she hopes tells him that it would not be good for Mary if he ever accused her of it all being her fault because she didn't scream. It must have worked because Robert's features soften immediately, he walks over to Mary and her, puts a hand Mary's shoulder and says "I am sorry Mary. For asking such a useless question and much much more so for what happened to you."_

 _"We have to move the body if we want to avoid a scandal," Matthew says. "It is unbelievable that that is the way it is, we should call the police and tell them what happened but we all know what will be made of the story."_

 _Robert nods and asks "Can you and I lift him?"_

 _"I'll help," Anna says and Matthew nods at her gratefully._

 _They leave the room carrying the body and she is left with Mary._

 _"Oh Mary," is all she says before Mary has a crying fit like a four year old child. She has never felt so sorry for any of her children._

 _Robert, Matthew and Anna return faster than she expected and Matthew sits down on Mary's bed immediately._

 _"What are we going to say if someone saw us?" Robert asks and Matthew shrugs his shoulders._

 _"We'll have to tell the truth then. We'll say we moved the body to spare Mary the embarrassment. That is not a lie."_

 _"The Turkish embassy will try to twist the story."_

 _"The Turkish embassy will do no such thing if they don't want to be tainted by doubt. Even if they found out about this, they probably won't do anything."_

 _Robert nods and then asks the question that has been playing in her mind for quite some time now._

 _"What if there is a baby?" Mary again freezes and Cora knows that Mary hasn't even realized that she could be pregnant yet._

 _"Then Mary and I will marry," Matthew says so quickly that she is sure that he thought about it while they carried Pamuk back to his room._

 _"Matthew," Robert says._

 _"We wouldn't be unhappy. And I know that it is possible to love another man's child after all."_

 _Mary now turns to Matthew and says "Thank you," to which Matthew nods and smiles._

 _"I can't sleep in those sheets," she adds._

 _"I am afraid I can't change them before morning. Someone would notice," Anna says and Robert immediately replies_

 _"Lady Mary can sleep in my dressing room." As if on cue they all leave and Mary walks between Robert and her, looking very pale and frail, almost like a ghost. They enter Robert's room and Robert walks through to her room and closes the door to give Mary and her some privacy. They sit down on Robert's bed and don't say anything for a while._

 _"Papa never sleeps in here," Mary says and moves her hand over the covers of the unused bed._

 _"No," she says carefully._

 _"He always sleeps in your room."_

 _"Yes."_

 _"In your bed."_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Does it bother you? I won't tell him, I promise." She looks at her daughter and doesn't see the cold-hearted 22 year old that she has become but an insecure and yet curious little girl._

 _"No. It does not bother me. I like it. I miss your father when he stays in London for the night."_

 _Mary nods and puts her ice queen mask on again. She knows that Mary will now block any sort of personal conversation so she makes to leave but feels her daughter's hand close around her wrist. She turns around and sees the ice queen mask slip again, but Mary does not turn into a curious little girl this time. She turns into a young woman who has to deal with a horrible incident she doesn't really know how to deal with._

 _"Could I ask you a few questions?" Mary asks and she nods and sits back down again._

 _"You say you like it when Papa sleeps in your room. But he doesn't just sleep does he?" She almost says 'no, he talks to me and sometimes reads before sleeping,' but that is not what Mary wants to know and she knows that it is hard for Mary to ask about these things even without her mother giving stupid answers._

 _"No. Not all the time."_

 _"How often does he?" It strikes her as odd that Mary just asks about her father and she thinks that she knows why but hopes that Mary will get there on her own._

 _"It varies. On average I would say maybe two or three times a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less when one of us has a lot of work to do."_

 _"That is a lot."_

 _"I don't know. I have never talked to anyone else about it." Mary nods and she takes her hand to encourage her._

 _"How long does it take?"_

 _"That varies too. It is not just the main act. There are other things that take time."_

 _"Kissing," Mary says and she nods. "Yes. Among other things. Undressing, just being nice to each other." She is glad that Mary does not ask for more details because she hasn't yet thought about how to tell Mary about the finer parts of married life._

 _"Does Papa enjoy it?" Mary asks and she is very glad that the room is almost dark. She would not like to look into her daughter's eyes right now._

 _"Yes."_

 _"And you?"_

 _"I do too. Very much so. We both do." She takes a deep breath then because she thinks that she needs to take the burden of asking uncomfortable questions about her parents' love life of her daughter's shoulder. "Mary, your father and I trust and love each other very much. That is the key to our marriage, both outside and inside the bedroom. If you love the person you are with, then the more private aspects of marriage are terrific fun."_

 _"Oh Mama," Mary says and puts her head on her shoulder._

.

"Yes, I remember that night," she says and waits for Mary to continue.

"Matthew and I have been writing to each other," Mary continues and Cora wonders what she means.

"You have always written to each other. Even when Matthew was at Eton."

"Not like that. About private matters. Very private matters. Ever since he saved me from my own and your disappointment and offered to marry me if I was pregnant, we've become…closer."

"Closer?"

"Very close. Matthew has turned into my closest friend. I trust him very much. More than I have ever trusted anyone."

"Why did you never mention that?" she asks and wonders if Robert knows this.

"Because we said we wouldn't. We were afraid that we'd be pushed in a certain direction."

"You thought we'd push you towards marriage." Mary nods. "Why are you talking about it now?"

"When Matthew was here a few weeks ago and you told him about the pregnancy, he kissed me." She can't help but smile at this.

"Oh Mary," she says and her daughter smiles too.

"I think he is going to propose and if he does I will accept him. But he will go to war then and I will be so much more afraid and worried than I usually would be."

"It will be very hard. But focus on what may make you happy soon. Don't look beyond that point, not yet. Focus on the present."

"That is very American, Mama." There is a smile playing around Mary's lips however and she takes it like a compliment.

"And there is an American inside of you my darling girl."

"And a middle class lawyer inside of Matthew. What a pair we'll make." It makes her laugh, much more than Sybil's bubbly stories about her friends did yesterday. And it feels good to laugh. She will mourn her baby but he never lived, it was a miscarriage even if a rather late one and as she just said to Mary, it is better to focus on the happy things. And the three daughters they have and Matthew certainly make her very happy.

"I think I should leave now Mama. But thank you." Mary doesn't say what for but she knows Mary well enough to know exactly what she is thankful for. That she listened and that she understood.

"You are welcome," she says and tries to lie back down.

"Does it hurt?" Mary asks and she nods. She is in as much pain now as she was after the births of her living children and it reminds her that she was much farther along this time than the previous two times she miscarried. But she holds back her tears for Mary's sake.

"I'll help you," Mary says in a gentle voice that is quite uncharacteristic of her eldest daughter and when she holds her and supports her, her hands are much gentler than she expected as well.

"I think Matthew does you good," she says and Mary nods.

"I'll sit with you again later if you like," Mary replies.

"I would like that very much."

The moment Mary starts to leave Robert enters the room. When Mary walks past him she gives him a kiss on the cheek without comment and the utterly dumbstruck look on Robert's face makes her laugh again.

"Miracles do happen," he says.

"Yes," she says.

"How are you?" he asks and sits down next to her.

"Considering what happened, I am very well."

"I heard you laugh."

"I won't tell you what about. You have to ask Mary." She won't tell Robert that Matthew might propose to Mary, she does not want to get his hopes up.

"I think I need to lie down. I am so tired. Do you mind?"

"Of course not," she replies and watches Robert take off and fold most of his clothes.

"Bates will be proud of you," she can't help saying and Robert chuckles.

"Bates would be mad at me if my clothes were all wrinkled. He'd give me an earful." She very much doubts that but does not say anything.

Robert has now lain down on the other side of her bed and opens his arms for her. She scoots over to him and when she feels his arms close around him she realizes how tired she is and falls asleep in the comfort of her husband's embrace as soon as she has closed her eyes.

.

 _Mary_

.

Edith and Sybil are going on her nerves with their bickering. It is usually she and Edith who bicker but she isn't in the mood for it and apparently Edith cannot let a single day pass without having fought with at least one of her sisters. So she has now criticized Sybil for wanting women to gain the right to vote. She does not understand how Edith could be against it and she doubts that Edith really is against it, she is just in the mood to fight.

Mary does not want to be by herself but can't stand being around Edith and so she goes to her mother's room. There are a few questions she has about marriage, rather delicate questions that she thinks only her mother or her aunt would be able to answer. But as her aunt is London, her mother remains her only choice. She softly knocks on her mother's door and when there is a muffled mumbling she carefully opens the door, walks into the room and remains standing at the foot of the bed.

Her mother and father are both deeply asleep in each other's arms. She knows this is nothing very indecent and so she watches them for a few minutes before she leaves, hoping that she will find the same kind of love with Matthew. Should he propose.

.

Matthew arrives a day later and she picks him up the train station. Her father thought it strange that she wanted to do that but apparently her mother interfered and her father eventually let her go. She is determined not to let Matthew know how excited she is about his returning, she does not want him to think that she is desperate. When he leaves the train it is difficult for her not run and she can't stop from smiling when he walks towards her.

"Lady Mary Crawley," he says and grins at her. "Picking up a distant cousin at the train station."

"The distant cousin also is my father's heir, so I think that I should be nice to him," she replies and Matthew's grin becomes even wider.

"I am glad I am welcome."

"Very welcome. It made Mama very happy when I told her that you were coming."

Matthew face clouds over with concern the moment she mentioned her mother.

"How is she really? I wasn't sure whether Robert told me the truth when he said that she was coping rather well."

"She is coping rather well. I thought she was putting on a show for Papa but I don't think that is what she is doing. She is very strong. Much stronger than I thought."

Matthew now takes her hand and she can't stop a shiver from running down her spine. "That is where your own strength comes from."

"Sybil's the strong one," she says because that is what she believes. Sybil would not have let Pamuk overpower her, Sybil would have kicked him somewhere it hurt. And she'd have screamed.

"I think there can be more than one strong child per family." There is a question she needs to know the answer to if she wants to marry Matthew and so she asks it without any sugar coating. Sometimes it is best to just be direct.

"Matthew, would you really have been happy if Mama had had a living boy?"

"Yes. It would have taken some getting used to, I was rather shocked when Cora told me she was pregnant, but in the end I would have been happy. I wasn't born to be the Earl of Grantham. I was born to be a doctor's son."

"So you believe in divine rights?"

"Not as such. But I think that your brother would have made a much better earl than me. He would have been raised to be an Earl from the first day on."

"So were you. Almost."

"I was raised to be the land agent and it was your grandfather's idea."

"But it was the same upbringing you'd have had had you been raised to be the Earl. Or almost the same."

"Only almost. And Mary, your parents may love me like a son, in fact I know they do and your grandmother may see the grandson she never had in me but that is just about it. Look at you. You never looked at me as a brother. Look at the servants. I was Master Matthew to them and now I am Mr. Crawley to most of them and to some of them Mister Matthew. Whenever I go somewhere, I am Mr. Crawley. But your brother would have been Lord Downton and that is a difference. I am not saying that I want to be called Lord Downton. I shudder to imagine being called Lord Grantham and not just because it would mean the death of Robert whom I'd prefer to live forever. I don't want to be anyone's 'lord'. I am not saying your father wants to be that either but he just is. Just as your brother would have been."

"My mother wasn't born to be anyone's 'lady'."

"No. But I think it is different for her because the title came with her marriage. And she was raised to marry the right kind of man."

"So was I. But I might still marry a land agent. Or a lawyer."

"Or a lawyer who is the heir to an earldom."

"That is quite forward, Mr. Crawley," she says and Matthew looks taken aback for a moment. But when she smiles, he smiles back and visibly relaxes.

.

Matthew

.

As soon as they arrive at the Abbey and he has greeted Robert, he runs up the stairs to see if Cora really is alright. She is after all the woman he often thinks of as his mother, to all intents and purposes she is his mother. He is surprised when he sees her sitting upright on the settee in her room rather than lying in bed.

"Hello Cora," he says and kisses her cheek.

"Hello parrot," she says and ruffles his hair. She still sometimes calls him parrot, a nickname given to him by Robert two and a half decades ago. Apparently he used to say many things twice.

She tells him that she really is doing much better and that she wants to attend the garden party that is to be held two days later. He forgot about that blasted party. But even had he remembered, he would have come home. There are things he wants to get done before a war starts and he is sure that there will be a war. This may just as well be the last carefree summer days for quite some time. He cannot believe that a war would be over by Christmas. Wars always last longer than politicians and the media claim they will last.

.

"I'll return for good soon," he says to Robert when they are left alone in the dining room after dinner. "I think that my time in Manchester has come to its end."

"I am glad to hear. Although I am afraid 'soon', is a word that we may not rely on." Robert takes a sip of Scotch and looks him in the eyes.

"So you believe this war we are facing won't be over by Christmas."

"No. And neither do you." He wishes he could tell Robert something different but knows that he of all people will understand.

"You know I have to go."

"Of course I do. I will have to go too." He does not reply because he does not want Robert to feel old or useless in any way but doubts very much that Robert's services will be accepted. Robert left the army right after returning from South Africa and has since then done nothing to establish himself as a soldier. But he knows Robert very well and thus also knows that he would not take well to his own son telling him that he was too old. So all he does is nod.

"There is one thing I have to do before I leave," he says. He has debated with himself whether he should ask Robert's permission or not. It is Mary's decision of course and he is almost sure of her answer but he isn't sure how much her parents, in many ways their parents, know about how close they have become. In the end he decided on telling Robert before the actual proposal. "Robert, I am going to propose to Mary," he says. Robert looks at him in utter astonishment, empties his glass, refills and then stares at him.

"You are going to do what?"

"I am going to ask Mary to become my wife."

"She won't accept you. And you don't have to feel pressured to marry and try to conceive an heir before you go to fight. Don't do anything rushed."

This is an aspect he hadn't even considered. And neither has he considered marrying Mary before the end of the war.

"Robert," he says looking into his drink rather than at the man he thinks will become his father-in-law, "I am almost sure that she will accept me. Ever since the Pamuk incident we've become very close. I am pretty sure we love each other. Maybe that is why we never accepted each other as siblings. Because there has always been more to our relationship than that."

"Hm," Robert grunts and looks at him as if he was waiting for more.

"But I won't marry her before the war is over. I don't want her to be tied to a cripple should I not return home safe and sound."

Robert stares into the fire without saying anything for minutes.

"Take good care of my little girl then," he eventually says, pats him on the shoulder and leaves the room.

* * *

AN: Thank you all for reading!

I purposely did not give the Pamuk night its own chapter because I wanted to show the night from Cora's perspective and still show how Matthew interfering changed the relationship of Cora and Mary after that night.

I think that from our perspective it is pretty clear that it was non-consensual but in 1912 Mary really would have be thought to have made a grave mistake, even by her own mother, even by one as nice as Cora and I've always wondered how Cora would have felt about it had she had any concept of it not being Mary's fault.

This story will have one more chapter which will in all likelihood be posted two weeks from now as Christmas will be very busy for me. I still owe two Christmas stories, a Cobert one for the fanfic exchange which I will hopefully be able to post very late tonight and a Violet/Patrick one in this universe which I hope I'll post on Wednesday or Thursday.

Once again, thank you all for the wonderful reviews! They really keep my writing going and inspired me to keep writing this story because three weeks ago I thought about quitting it.

Please let me know what you think about this chapter!

Kat


	15. Chapter 15

November - December 1917

 _Cora_

.

"My lady, wake up." She wants to yell at O'Brien. She has just fallen asleep. She hardly ever sleeps these days. Her son is fighting a bloody war, has done so over three years, has been lost and found and left again and she is always afraid. Always. For his life, for his health, for his sanity. For Robert's sanity because Robert is going just as mad with fear for their little 'parrot' as she is. Robert started to call Matthew 'parrot' again sometimes when the boy came home after he had gotten lost behind enemy lines. It is a sign of how much Robert misses their son.

"My lady, there has been telegram," O'Brien says and it is Robert who sits up then. But it wakes her too, it wakes the familiar feeling of foreboding in her heart and stomach. A feeling she has felt for the past three years, a feeling that almost took her sanity at the beginning of the century when Robert had been fighting the Boers. She can see Robert's hand shaking when he takes the telegram from her lady's maid and she knows that something dreadful must have happened.

"Thank you, O'Brien," she says and the lady's maid leaves the room very reluctantly. She turns at the door and says "my lady, please let us know," and she feels herself nod. Matthew is very popular with the servants, one of them, their footman William, went with Matthew as his batman.

"God no," Robert whispers and tears start to roll down his cheek. She pries the telegram from his hands and wants to cry herself when she reads it. Matthew has been injured. Very badly so. He is on his way to Downton but he may not live to ever see it again. Robert slumps against his pillow, his eyes shining with tears he doesn't try to hold back. She wants to comfort him, wants to tell him to not give up hope, wants to be _his American_ who believes in the positives outcome of everything and lift his spirit.

But she can't be that for him right now because all she sees, all she can think about is her eldest daughter standing in front of her, tears running down her face, whispering 'Mama, I think I am pregnant'.

She hadn't been shocked when Mary told her. When Matthew had been home the last time a little over two months ago it had been obvious more than ever before that Mary and he were made for each other. They had been huddled together for most of his stay and neither she nor Robert had begrudged Mary her time alone with Matthew, even if it meant that they couldn't spend as much time with him as they liked. She had also heard them fight, Mary had tried to talk Matthew into marrying her right away, at the registrar's office, she had sworn that she didn't want a huge society affair that she didn't need to be on parade in a white dress, that all she wanted was to be his wife, to finally be his. Matthew did not relent, he had yelled at Mary that he couldn't marry her and Mary had then begged him to make her his nonetheless and Matthew had given in. Cora heard this fight in the gallery, in the middle of the night and instead of walking into Mary's room on some pretense she had walked away. She had walked away, feeling she was making a mistake but she couldn't shake herself from the mental image of Robert showing up in her room weeks before their wedding and kissing her, murmuring something about practicing for 'the big night' and how lovely she looked and ever so gently and forceful pushing her into a wall and she being unable to refuse him. But their wedding date had been set by then and it had been four weeks in the future, even had she fallen pregnant on that first night or the nights after that, no one outside the family would have noticed or cared. When Mary stood in front of her, tears running down her face, hands pressed protectively to her stomach she had known she should have walked in, she should not have been so understanding. And now this.

If Matthew died Robert and she would lose a very beloved son, Sybil and Edith would lose a very beloved brother and Mary would lose the love her life, the father of her child and any chance a giving that child or herself a future. Of course she'd be protected by the family but an illegitimate child, no matter how loved by its mother, aunts, grandparents and great-grandmother would still have a very difficult life.

She very gently wakes Mary who stares at her and looks like a small child for a moment. Without saying anything, she wraps her arms around her daughter who whispers "Is he still alive?" into her shoulder and she is glad that she is able to nod. "They are bringing him here. He may arrive soon." Mary pushes herself away from and looks into her eyes. "If he doesn't make it," but then fear overwhelms Mary and she begins to cry. So Cora finishes the sentence for her. "If he doesn't make it we'll find a way to deal with the baby. I promise my darling girl. But that is a bridge we will cross when we come to it."

.

 _Mary_

.

She goes through morning in a trance. She isn't able to speak to anyone, not even her mother who tries again and again, but all she can think, all she can do is hope that Matthew will live. Her mother wants her not to worry because of the baby but she can't stop it.

"They wouldn't be bringing Matthew here if it was certain that he would not make it. They would let him die somewhere else and only return his body. They wouldn't waste an ambulance ride for a man who is certain to die," Sybil says to her at one point and she wants to slap her sister across the face but the younger woman seems to have guessed this was about to happen and grabs her wrist in time. "Let's go down to the hospital. You can help me take care of him, it will be good for him. You should also tell him about the baby. It might strengthen his will to live." She is shocked, she thought only her mother and Anna knew.

"How do you know?" she asks and wonders if either Anna or her mother are unreliable.

"I heard you throw up in the mornings and you look different. That is all. I only guessed and I haven't told a soul, I promise."

"What about Edith?"

"I don't think she cares about you enough to have noticed anything," Sybil replies half laughingly and a little sadly at the same time.

She nods then asks "If Matthew dies, will you help me with the baby?" Sybil smiles and says "Of course I will Mary. I look forward to being an aunt and I don't care about whether Matthew and you were married. It won't make me love the child any less. And I'll stand by you."

"Thank you."

.

When she sees the stretcher with Matthew on it being carried into the room, when she sees how bloody Matthew is, how sick he looks, how close he must be to death, she vomits right onto the hospital floor. Still she helps Sybil clean Matthew up and once Sybil leaves she sits down on Matthew's bed and caresses his face the way she has seen her father do to her mother when she was sick a while ago.

"Matthew, darling, wake up." She doesn't know how often she says it but eventually Matthew opens his eyes and looks at her.

"Mary," he croaks and nothing else. She holds his hand, begging him to stay alive and he sometimes looks at her and she thinks that the life is returning to his eyes although of course she knows that she might be imagining things.

Dr. Clarkson comes and examines Matthew and the doctor looks rather worried. He leaves the room and whispers something to her father whose face changes color from pale to ashen. Hours later she is joined by her mother who gently takes her hand.

"Mary, you should come home. Try and get some sleep."

"What if Matthew wakes up? He needs someone here who loves him." The thought of Matthew waking up alone to a dark room full of strangers turns her stomach into burning knots.

"That is why Sybil will take over for now and your father will stay the night. And I will relieve him tomorrow morning. You have to sleep Mary. If not for you then for the baby." She puts her hands to her stomach and prays that the little one is alright, that he or she has no idea about the horrors of the outside world.

"What did you tell Papa why I need to sleep?"

"The truth."

Mary's world now completely spins out of control and she breaks down crying. There is so much pressure on her shoulders already, she needs to be strong for Matthew and is afraid of losing him, she needs to be strong for their unborn child and is afraid of turning it into a nameless bastard. And now she will have to deal with her father's disappointment. Disappointment in both her and Matthew. She is sure that with probably just one sentence her mother has destroyed her father's pride in his eldest daughter and a man he raised and loves like a son.

"Why did you do that to that to us?"

"I had to do it Mary, but let's talk about it at home." Her mother squeezes her hand and doesn't let go of it until they are home but all that Mary can think about is the look of disappointment that will greet her on her father's face.

.

 _Robert_

.

The words are replaying in his mind. "Mr. Crawley will never be able to father a child."

"Mary is pregnant."

How he wishes Cora or Mary had told him right away. Cora swore she had only known for four weeks but that probably would have been enough. He and his mother could have called everyone at the war office and in the government they knew, they could have asked for favors that were overdue, they could have asked for new favors, they would have been able to get Matthew home and allow him to marry Mary. And the poor boy would not have been injured so gravely. His poor little parrot, that boy who loved cricket and running around, who used to jump on his bed, will now be tied to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. And who knows how long that life will be? A bladder infection would mean almost certain death.

But Mary and Cora are not the people he blames the most, that person is himself. He should have put two and two together. He had thought for at least two weeks now that Mary looked somehow different and he noticed a seemingly closer bond between Mary and Cora. He should have just asked Cora, she probably would have told him or at the very least he should have asked Sybil who in all likelihood noticed these things as well. But no, he did not ask, he concentrated on brooding because the army didn't want him and his wife and daughters were much more valuable to king and country than he. Especially Cora who runs the convalescent home with efficiency and skill second to none. He gave in to his wounded pride and did not ask his wife whether everything was alright with their eldest daughter. The thought of what that now costs him, them, most of all Mary and Matthew makes him dizzy.

Even if Mary and Matthew were to be married as soon as possible, most people would know that the baby was not conceived during or after the wedding night. That thought makes him snort despite himself. Cora and he could have conceived Mary before they were married, they were just lucky in that regard. They thought waiting until marriage was unnecessary after all as well. But the wedding date had been set for them and that was the difference.

.

When he hears Cora and Mary in the hallway he gets up. He is sure that Cora will take Mary to him, they agreed on telling her together and they need to tell her soon. The door is opened only a second later and when he looks at Mary who looks as though she had aged ten years within one night, whose eyes have lost their spark, whose hair seems unkempt all his feelings of disappointment seem to vanish and they are replaced by a wave of pity.

"Mary," is all he says before he puts his arms around her. His little girl begins to shake with tears and sobs only the blink of an eye later. Once she has stopped to cry and stepped away from him she looks him squarely in the eyes, defeat mirrored in her face. "You must be so disappointed, Papa," she says. She is ready to face his disappointment, probably ready to take all the blame but of course she isn't the only one to blame, Matthew certainly played his part in this as well.

"I won't lie to you. I am disappointed. But I will be able to deal with it. Come the day you let me hold my first grandchild I will probably thank God for your foolishness."

"There will be a huge scandal."

He shakes his head. "I am not sure about that. We are at war, if it ends up in the papers at all it might be considered to be a romantic love story." Those are Cora's exact words. That is what she said to him when he told her that a scandal about an illegitimate grandchild was the last thing they needed. Cora looks at him and smiles and his heart melts for what he feels is the millionth time. She is the most wonderful woman in the world and he decides there and then to stop brooding, to get his act together, to help where he can and to have that maid Jane redistributed. Maybe his mother can make use of her, she keeps complaining about not having enough staff. He does not want to see Jane again, he does not want to be reminded about feeling resentful towards Cora.

"You sound like Mama," Mary says and the twinkle in her eye seems to reappear.

"We've been married for a long time. And so will Matthew and you be." He has to make Matthew marry Mary after all, despite the injury.

Cora then looks at him and he nods and they guide Mary to the sofa and place her between them. "Mary there is something you need to know," he says and is reminded of telling Mary and Matthew about Patrick's death. He can't bring himself to say the words and is immensely grateful to Cora when she is able to do so instead. In a voice as soft as a velvet and with tears in her eyes she says

"Matthew's spine has been seriously injured. He will never walk again, he will never father any children again, you and he cannot be lovers. That part does not work anymore either."

Mary nods, understanding and comprehending Cora's words immediately.

"That is why you are not more disappointed Papa, isn't it? Because you are hoping for this child to be a boy and if Matthew and I were married soon, you'd have the next heir. That's why you aren't angry." That is certainly not the reason, at least not the only one and Mary's words pierce his heart. He loves her and he loves Matthew and he is just not able to be thoroughly disappointed, not to a point where he'd consider sending one or both of them away. He wants to argue but Cora shakes her head and he knows she is right. She is much better at resolving a problem like this than he is.

"Mary, if you had a boy of course that would make things easier, much easier. But please don't think that we wouldn't be over the moon the moment you placed our granddaughter in our arms."

"I have to talk to Matthew. I need to be with him when he wakes. I know you wanted me to sleep, but I think it should be me, I think it should be me who tells him. It will make it easier for him."

"Maybe you are right," Cora replies and his chest swells with pride at his eldest daughter's resolve to deal with this, to help Matthew deal with all of this.

Mary leaves right away and he is left alone with Cora.

They are standing in front of each other and without either one of them saying a word he wraps his arms around her and she puts her head on his shoulder.

"I could cry about this Cora," he says and then the tears begin to roll down his cheek.

"Our poor parrot," Cora mumbles with a sadness in her voice he hasn't heard there for a very long time, probably not since Patrick's death.

"It won't be easy for them," he says and Cora shakes her head against him. "No," she says. It won't be easy. Not for them, not for us, not for anyone. But we will be able to deal with it Robert, we have to be, it is the only the chance we have and we need to hold on to it."

They remain how they are for several minutes and despite all the sadness and all the worries that have been added to their already burdened lives he rejoices in the feeling of holding Cora close, of having her for himself for a few moments.

"Cora," he says and all she answers is "hm"?

"I'll stop the brooding. I'll help you. You are so good at running the convalescent home but there must be something that I can do, something that I can help you with. Please let me help."

"Thank you darling," she says and then kisses him on the lips and it isn't a fleeting kiss, it is one of those kisses that make him go weak in the knees, one of those kisses that speak of desire and even more so of a very, very deep love. A love that can endure a war, a love that should not be challenged by him eyeing a maid because he feels bored and useless.

.

 _Matthew_

.

He studies Mary's face because he has to concentrate on something. Her eyebrows are plugged, even during war there isn't one hair out of place. Anna must be doing it at least once a week. Her eyes are shining with tears, there is a tear on the eyelashes over her left eye. Those perfect long eyelashes. Her nose is slightly wrinkled not with joy but with sorrow and her mouth his half open, her lips slightly parted and if he wasn't tied to this stupid bed he'd want to kiss them but he won't ever kiss them again. The last time he looked at Mary in such detail was right before he made her his, before he gave in to his desire to sleep with her. Her look had been full of love then and only a second later when he had done what he should not have done it had been clouded over by passion. The rest he doesn't remember only that he never felt so close to anyone before and how it had felt when he let his passion overpower him. In a twisted way he is glad that they did what they did because at least he had had sex once in his life, even with the love of his life. He won't ever have it again. Mary will though, he is determined that she will, she must find someone else, someone else to worship and love her, to bring her pleasure and joy. She doesn't need, doesn't deserve an incontinent husband in nappies tied to a wheelchair.

"I won't marry you now," he says and the tears that have threatened to roll down his cheeks ever since the moment he woke up and realized that he couldn't feel his legs suddenly spill over.

"I want you to marry me," Mary replies but he shakes his head.

"No. I am not taking your life away. You deserve a healthy man. You deserve a man who can love you properly. You deserve a man who can give you children. Not some blubbering fool in nappies."

He cannot believe this but Mary begins to laugh, she shakes with laughter, leans forward, kisses him, on either cheek, left first then right and then she kisses him full on the mouth, parting both their lips in a manner that is so inappropriate that he forgets about his injury for a second.

"Mary," he says and shakes his head. "This won't make me take your life away."

"Let me speak first Matthew," she says. "I deserve a healthy man, yes. But you will be healthy again aside from the fact that you won't be able to walk. I deserve a man who can love me properly, yes. But you will love me, you have loved me for years," she says and he shakes his head.

"Mary, I also meant someone who can be your lover," he says and Mary smiles.

"You can be that," she says, then leans close to him and whispers in his ear about where exactly she would want him to kiss and touch her and that as his hands and lips were fully functioning she did not see a problem with that.

"Mary if I wasn't paralyzed from the waist down you'd have put me into a very embarrassing position right now," he says and is ashamed of himself. People around him are injured, people have died because of him, his life has been saved but destroyed at the same time, his batman was killed by the bomb that paralyzed him and still thoughts of Mary in a nightdress waiting for him keep entering his mind.

"Good. Because I want you to see that your life is by no means over." He shakes himself because even if this worked there would still be the problem of Mary having a husband in nappies but no children to grow out of wearing nappies.

"Mary, I can't take your life, I can't take your chance of having children away."

"You wouldn't be taking that away Matthew. I am pregnant."

"How?" he asks and Mary laughs again.

"How? Do you really need me to remind you?"

"Of course not. But Mary, we can't get married, I cannot ruin your life like that."

"I think my life would be much more ruined if you did not marry me, my darling." He nods because she is right. She and their child would be outcasts if he didn't make this right. Although right is quite the wrong word for making Mary tie herself to a cripple.

.

A cripple, that is what he is and he has no right to marry Mary. His bruises have just healed and he is waiting for Sybil to get him so that they can go to church. They'll have a church wedding. In the midst of the bloodiest and deadliest war ever to be fought. It is all so wrong, such a farce. Mary swears she loves him but he knows it can't be true. It may be true now but she will come to resent him. If they are lucky and the baby is a boy it may take a little longer because she'll be glad to have an heir at least but if the baby is a girl he is sure to lose Mary's love the day of their only child's birth. The only thought that gives him comfort is the warning that Dr. Clarkson gave him. The he may not live for five or ten more years. That one infection in the wrong place would kill him. And Mary would still be young enough then, young enough to marry again, to have a real marriage.

Sooner than he thinks the service is over and they return to the Abbey and have some sort of wedding breakfast and then he goes to sleep because he is so damn tired. And if he wasn't so curious about the child, if he didn't love Mary so much, if he wasn't so concerned about Robert and Cora, he'd probably kill himself sometime soon but he can't inflict that much sorrow on his parents-in-law who are more parents than in-laws to him and he does want to see his child, want to see him or her grow up. And so he doesn't end his life. Not that day, not the next day or week or month or year.

.

.

.

September 1921

.

 _Matthew_

.

They shouldn't have taken this stupid trip. They should have stayed home with their little girl and wait for Mary to give birth and surprise her parents with a new grandchild upon their return. But no, he wanted to go shooting, Mary wanted to go dancing and so they went along with her parents to Scotland where he is still stuck and Mary is back at Downton, bringing their second child into this world. A second child, he would never have thought it possible. But once the feeling in his legs returned, once had been told that he would be able to walk again, he had realized that he really hadn't been damaged at all. That not only was he not incontinent but that he was able to do what real husbands are supposed to do and one morning Mary had told him that they were having another child. It had made his heart beat faster and it hasn't slowed down since that moment and now it feels as if it was about to jump out of his chest.

He leaves Scotland in a hurry, he jumps into his car at the station, he shouts at Dr. Clarkson to take him to Mary and when he enters the room his breath is almost taken away by the beauty of what he sees in front of him. There is Mary, holding their new baby and their lovely three year old daughter is standing on a chair, holding onto Mary's bed, peering down at her sibling. Mary looks up and smiles at him apologetically.

"I asked Anna to bring her. I was sure she wanted to meet her brother." 'Brother'. They have a son, they have done their duty. And they both wanted a son so very much.

"Hello Daddy," Lizzie pipes up, jumps off the chair in manner that makes his heart stop and runs towards him, her blond curls flying behind her. He catches her and lifts her up and gives her kiss on the cheek.

"You should look at my brother," she says and he laughs. His son looks perfect, just as perfect as Lizzie and Mary and he wishes they could stay like this forever. Mary allows him to hold their little George and he so proud of him, just as proud as he always is of Lizzie. He stays with Mary for an hour and when she begins to show signs of tiredness, he places George in the little bed next to Mary and takes Lizzie by the hand.

"Can I tell Donk that I have a brother?" she asks and he nods. He isn't sure Anna hasn't already relayed the good news but that is nothing that Lizzie should be worried about. They get in his car and he tells her to hold on. He keeps thinking about his son and how he will soon be able to have a picnic with Mary and their two children when Lizzie suddenly screams.

"Daddy! The lorry!"

He sees it just in time and manages to avoid a collision at the last moment. His heart almost stops and he needs to stop the car for a moment to collect himself.

"Daddy, I think you should not go so fast. Uncle Tom says you are always driving too fast."

Tom is of course right. He is driving too fast and he really shouldn't do it. So he listens to his daughter and does as she asked. When they arrive at the Abbey, save and sound, Lizzie jumps out of the car, runs towards Robert and screams "Donk, I have a brother! Now all I need is a sister!"

Robert laughs and passes Lizzie onto Cora who profusely congratulates the little girl on now being the big sister of a brother.

Robert walks towards him, pats him on the shoulder and says "Congratulations my son. Now you have one of your own." He nods and smiles and can't believe his luck.

* * *

So, this is the end of this story. I know I could have turned this one chapter into two or three or probably ten but there comes a point at which stories need to be finished and I think this story has reached that point. It is after all mainly a Cobert story and if I were to continue or elaborate it would turn into an M/M story.

If you are interested in reading about Mary being married to Matthew while he is still in a wheelchair, go and look for a story called _The_ _Center of my Heart_ by lilyrowan1. It is brilliantly written.

I'd like to thank you all for reading and reviewing. It really made me happy to read that so many of you like this story. There is still a one shot centering on Violet and Patrick coming up. It will be a very late Christmas story but I hope to be able to post it before January 6th, so in a way it'll still be posted during Christmas then.

Besides that you probably won't here from me for a little while, but that is only because I won't start posting my new project before I've finished it. This next project is the rewrite of _The Affair_ that I've mentioned before and I am not sure how long I will need to get the work done, but I'd estimate between two and three weeks, although I can't promise this. I am looking forward to working on that project very much though.

I have two other stories in the works, although so far they only exist in my head. One is an M/M story that will mainly deal with the question of what makes a marriage worthwhile. I will work on that story right after I have finished working on _The Affair_. The story that will most likely follow that one will be another Cobert story, set in 1924-1926 (roughly) and it will feature Simon Bricker as well. It is something that I think should have been done on the TV show, but more on that once I actually get around to posting that story.

Anyway, please let me know what you think of this chapter. I'd love to get the review count up a bit still, and more than that I really want to know what you think of this ending.

I hope you all had a nice Christmas and a wonderful New Year's Eve. I think it is not too late to wish you a happy new year, so here it goes:

Happy New Year to you all!

Kat


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